Seems as you might be unhappy with some things with your "wife". Obviously you think she is attractive and has a great personality, but is the sex great as well? Maybe your searching for something that you arent getting. Express these feeling to your loved one, and maybe she will see that you are needing something more. Also take note and ponder the consequences of your actions. How would she feel if she saw everything you are doing? Communication is key in any relationship. By seeking help it at least lets me know that you care about the relationship you are in. Sexual desires come and go but great women who stand by you are few and far between. This is a man talking by the way and know exactly how you feel.

Have you spoken to your wife about the stuff you do in the bedroom. I have done exactly the same thing as you. I went into swinging as I have had past abuse in my life and I was turning to anyone for sex. This resulted in me doing stuff with other men and women. I know exactly how you are feeling. Have you ever told your wife you are always horny. You sound like me you have a high sex drive and you have trouble saying no.

The best advice I can give you is be honest with her talk to her. See if she wants to help you and to understand. Communicsation is the best thing in these kind of situations.

Hope this is some help.

Ever thought of hypnosis. It could really hlp change your thoughts and desires towards other woman.

harmony1 that is a good idea.

one way to look at the situation would be considering how you would feel if your wife was the one cheating and you were the honest one in the relationship. would you be angry? hurt? sad? what you are doing is not fair to your wife, it is not a sustainable long term behavior. something will go wrong somewhere and a lot of people are going to get hurt. as someone who has struggled with giving sex too much importance in life, i can give you the following pieces of advice:

1. you will never be satisfied with the amount of sex you have in your life. if all you did from the point of waking up till the point of going to sleep is have sex, with the women interchanging every hour, you will still not be satisfied with the amount of sex in your life. why is that? sex is something that feels good and you always want more of it. its like a drug addict, they always want more of the drug. sex is not meant to be a drug or a button you push to get some pleasure. it is meant as a way to get to know your partner and connect with that person intimately. the pleasure is just a bonus. dont use sex as a heroin needle used by a drug addict and keep living your life from one hit to the next. you are misusing the ability to experience sex.

2. what can you do to stop this out of control habit? one approach to consider is being fearful of the consequences of your actions. if you are a religious man, you will agree that God is not pleased with your adultery. am i correct in assuming that? whether you are a christian, muslim or jewish; adultery is forbidden across the board. it is something that God hates to see you commit and you should be fearful of a God who is displeased with your actions. If you are someone who is not religious, the world has a way of dealing out punishment as well. Divorce, disruption of family, dishonor, shame are all things that are examples of this. So try and be fearful of the consequences that will almost certainly befall you if you keep it up.

i am not going to give you an opinion on whether you should tell your wife, but i think you are mistreating her big time. soon enough if you keep it up, the guilt you are feeling now will be the least of your concerns. cause it will get ugly for you. its never too late to ask for forgiveness.

You definately need some therapy. I was once a little like you too. The point is I was very insecure. I guess the more I grew up the stronger I got. I had issues when i was younger & all in all I just wanted someone to love. Sex isn't love though (unless it is with a person you love). Your situation may be different. Talking about it to a professional is the only way you are going to stop this. I suggest a psychologist. The easier option though is the hypnosis. I have tried it recently for another issue & I have to say it is really succeeding at this point.

It's strange that after 10 years of being with this woman this behaviour arises in the last 3.

There's a chance that you could be a sex addict. You should really see a shrink about this. If you are diagnosed with addiction, I personally think you should tell your wife. Be careful which counsellor you go to, because sex addiction isn't an officially recognised disease or condition by all medical boards.

If it turns out you're not a sex addict, you should still see counselling as this already sounds like a major problem! There could be a big issue behind your behaviour. Is it that you finally want to marry your partner? Or are you going to but suddenly feel a commitment phobia coming on? I don't know I'm not a psychologist. That's why you should seek help! If you really care about your partner and want to stop the cheating.

Let us know how it turns out!

I agree with some of the posters here.

I am female and I had difficlties in the sexual area and I know that if you dont communicate with you wife it is gong to cause problems. I have experienced the problems it can cause.

I would definitely see someone about this.

You are right max. I would be crushed, I could never live without her. Telling her is not an option for me. I'm afraid how she would handle it. I dont deserve her but I do want her and always will. I had sex again with the other girl on Monday, I feel in control and have no urge right now but that will change in a day or two. I'm going to take this one day at a time and do my best to resist. I wish I could get some counseling but The community I live in is pretty small and I work in the public.
I dont believe in god but man I wish i did. I dont know im just soo tired of these urges. I'm going for a walk with my girlfriend now but I'll let you guys know how im doing.
Thanks soo much for your inputs. It has really helped to to tell someone.

Thanks again!

I sure agree with you not telling her at the moment. get yourself organised and under control & maybe then tell her. You know I went to hypnosis again today. my second session to quit smoking and I haven't had a ciggarete. If you have a clinical hypnotherapy nearby or surrounding areas I would highly consider giving a shot man. Seriously. What have you got to lose?

how can you love someone and cheat on them? really i dont understand how hard it is to keep it zipped..we all have those urges..whether you chose to act on them or not is your decision...your friends wife? really? come on man...seriously..im not going to go on some long drawn out rant how i usually do about cheaters..but for real..get some help..stop sitting around saying "poor me i have a problem" and DO something about it, go see a therapist...if you REALLY love this girl like you say(which I personally cant see seeing as you've cheated on her numerous times) then you will keep your pants on and go find help..do you really want to continue this relationship? ever heard of karma? if this continues she WILL find out one day..its just a matter of time..so you've gotten away with it for 3 years, it'll catch up to you one day....put yourself in her shoes next time you're trying to score..how would you like it if another man were making love to her? yea..and if you dont care...then maybe thats a problem

if i were you i'd be afraid of how she handled it to..bc honestly if i were her and i were in a relationship with a man who I TRUSTED for 10 years and i found out that the last 3 years were a lie...i'd be gone so fast its not even funny..you're disrespecting her in a huge way..do you have any idea what this would do to her? just...get help...whatever it takes just do it, good luck

worrywart01, I agree with you and share similar feelings to yours on cheating. BUT I don't think this is your average case of infidelity. He's been with this woman for 10 years and if he were just a lying philanderer he'd have been doing it the whole time. Nor is it one of those typical one-time affairs/I cheated on you moments. And it doesn't sound like this guy is playing the "Oh poor me" victim either. He's fully aware what he'd doing is wrong (unfortunately most cheaters don't >.>). It's this sudden strange pattern of behaviour that makes me think he's got serious issues and needs to get help as soon as possible!

Seriously, tired1022, even if you live in a small town you should try and find SOME sort of help! By phone or even if you have to travel long distances, if you really want this to stop! It's good that you're already trying to resist, but unfortunately I don't think it will totally vanish if you try to suppress it all by yourself like that. Also, your descriptions of being addicted to the thrill of the risk (something along those lines, have to take a second look) is what made me think sex addict (usually those are one of the symptoms). But again I'm not a pro so I can't be sure.

I dont understand why after 7 years of being faithful this problem just suddenly magically appears? you had no problem for 7 years right? what changed? I dont get it....it just frustrates me so much to hear a guy say "but I love her" and yet he can do something like that..like it just really makes me sick to my stomach, my heart goes out to this poor woman..ignorance is bliss right? in her case I'd say so...i'm shocked she hasn't already found out or caught an std of some sort..i'm also shocked that someone hasn't ended up knocked up...this is a very bad habit that just needs to stop..like everyone else has said, get help no matter what it takes this kind of behavior really is unacceptable..

Or is that maybe you don't love her anymore.... I mean by reading what the others posters wrote about you cheating after 7 yrs makes me think you might have come to the end of your relationship. Maybe you're just so used to being with her that the thought of leaving her scares you far too much. Or maybe you're afraid that'll it'll totally break her up if you leave her. Just my thoughts at the moment so i thought I'd share.