For the last year or so, I have noticed that I needed to change some things in my life in order to be happy. I noticed I was a bit more anxious and unhappy overall. But a few months ago, my best friend of 9 years committed suicide and I haven't been able to even fathom changing anything or putting effort into anything. I've never been this anxious/depressed before in my life. (And I've seen psychiatrists before and even been hospitalized before.)

The anxiety is especially bad at night. I think during the day what works me up kind of stays hidden, or it's easier to ignore it because there is so much going on, but for some reason at night I just feel so alone and it literally suffocates me all at once. I can't sleep, so I pace around, feel very depressed, can't imagine living past this, etc, etc. I also get extreme nausea for which I am taking another medication otherwise I would never eat. Just horrible feelings.

It's strange because during the day, when i'm not that anxious or depressed, sometimes I'm ok to the point I can't even fathom being depressed or not living, etc. But when I get in the moods and the anxiety comes, it's the complete opposite. How can this happen?

My doctor prescribed me Lorazepan and i think it has helped keep me more calm or almost sedated because I don't feel like i'm on the verge of a nervous break down every night. I'm seeing a psych in a month.

I'm so afraid of what is happening to me and how I just can't snap out of it. I've never felt this way before. I'm afraid of this lasting another 6 months, a year, what if it never stops? I dread the future, sometimes I look at older people and I don't understand how they've managed to live so long. My anxiety is disabling that I barely go to college now, and I can't imagine working. I can barely go buy groceries without wanting to sit in the car parked in front of the store and never go in.