It has been 3 years now..3 years full of
caos, doubts, hurts.....
2 years ago we got married. My wife is
beautiful and inteligent, but there is a
dark side to her. I would categorize me as
a rescuer type and supported my wife
during this 3 years. Life became a
emotional roller coaster. My wife got
anger issues, Biopolar (most doctors
confirmed the symptoms ). Is it her fault?
NO...She has been abandoned as a child,
sex assaulted with 16 etc....I don't know
what to do any more. I have seeked help
for her, medicial intervention,
therapists, counselors, but the constant
pressure took a toll on me. The constant
nagging, complain, nothing is ever good
enough made me weak. The constant
listening to the negative of other people,
even of her own family. For her family she
painted the picture that I am controlling.
Maybe I am, because I want to protect her
from the drama they putting in her head,
which puts unnecessary pressure on our
marriage.
Last week, another one of those senseless
discussion started. She probably felt
threatened of feared by me telling her,
life can't go on like this anymore. I told
her, maybe its better I take my stuff and
cancel all my support for you and your
children (from previous marriage) and
let's go separate roads.
I walked aways, ..minutes later she came
in the bathroom, hit me in my face and
attacked me. After that she ran off with
her kids to her EX husband. The result, I
called the cops. She got arrested at her
Ex's house and now just last week, she was
just bailed out from her family. They hate
me now, they don't understand as they
don't walk in my shoes. She hates me now,
and totally cut me out of her life...I
don't know what to do from here. Feelings
of guild and fear are coming up.....4
month ago she attacked me with a knife,
but the police did not arrest her...as she
did not harm me. Its always me,.....in her
eyes. I understand that I might be a
trigger, but.....she is always the victim.
I don't know what to think anymore as I
love her very much and care. But I am
frustrated, helpless and without any ideas
anymore. Where does this go from there...I
know you are telling me, get out ....but
is that how it should be.?....The one
thing I cannot understand is, she was
seeking shelter with her EX
husband...According to her, he was always
bad to her and he and his mom always
wanted to take the kids away from
her...Now she teamed up with him.
I know this all might sound
confusing....and it might be...but I am
writing out of a stage of emptiness and
seeking help....Help to find answers, help
to understand, that she thinks that I am
wrong Setting boundries by calling the
police....by being senstised, by
protecting her.....I am soooo confused.
Please help me....!
Joey
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DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
Posted: 04-09-08 14:08pm
You may want to check out www.bpd.org and I'd
recommend reading "I Hate You! Don't
Leave Me!", "Understanding the Borderline
Mother" and "Stop Walking on Eggshells".
She doesn't have to have borderline
personality disorder for you to be
introduced to possibly better ways of
handling things. We can all use those
tools, all the time.
Lynne Namka's article "The Drama
Triangle--updated" at www.angriesout.org
may be of some use to you too.
Best wishes!
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Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 997 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 395
Thanked:261
Joey 1412 Posted: 04-09-08 15:35pm
As Whitney Houston said, "Learning to love
yourself is the greatest love of all.
Take care of yourself first, make sure you
are safe. You don't need that kind of
abuse. You did not mention if she is on
medication. Medication helps stabilize
the mood. She has to deal with her anger
issues. A counselor maybe able to help.
I have read that you have tired this
before. I don't know what to say. When
you are in a state of fear, you are not
able to be the supporter that you want to
be.
About going to her EX, she is just going
back to what is familiar. As human beings
we tend to do that.
