I know this topic's been discussed a lot, but I need to talk about it, so bear with me.
I'm almost 19 years old and live a pretty okay life. Working, graduated.
The thing is, I hate how I look. And I try to change it, I wear makeup, I do my hair... but just looking in the mirror, I get these emotional episodes I can't control. Yesterday was really bad. I was doing my hair, home alone, and it just didn't work... I started crying and getting emotional and then I started hitting myself... with the comb, with the brush. I have a bump on my head from it... and I couldn't stop crying, so I punched myself hard on the cheek and it has bruised and I keep hitting myself and it just happens, like I can't control it. It's like an impulse. I curled up on the floor and cried and cried.
I really don't know how to deal with this. My parents don't know at all. I've been feeling lousy for days because of it and they think it's because I don't like my job or something. They don't even ask, I guess they just kind of assume that's it and call me out saying I have to be happy with the costumers and can't be down just cause I don't like my job.
Episodes like that have happened a lot over the last year. I've never really thought myself pretty, but it's never bothered me as much as it does now. I didn't really used to care.
This isn't a cry for attention, I just need to tell somebody, I guess. It's getting out of hand and freaking me out a little.
i am so sorry for the way you feel. Maybe you should try some counseling. If you need to talk to anyone though, i'm here. i have dealt with depression and self injury in my own life. You can message me if you want. (If you don't know how, just go to your inbox, click New Message, then type my username in the Find Username thing.)
self-hitting--Honey you do need counceling..You need someone who can dig in and help you figure out what has changed in the past year to make you feel so down..Did you graduate in the past year? Sometimes being new out of school and in the real world can be scarey and such a change..You dont have that same support of friends etc as all have their own lives and work to contend with..
My son plays bongos and there are a large circle of people who play and they get together once a week..It sounds awesome..I saw their hands and the redness and tt was listening to them and seeing their hands that I realized that could be a great outlet for anyone who does self injury of any kind.Difference is that you could make a great sound and no one would ever know you are getting your feelings out as each person is releasing their own tension and enjoyhing the circle..
what do you think?k
Hello, this is the very first time I have ever told anyone of this. I take antidepressants and have for years. For the last 5yrs or longer I have self hit, usually in my stomach or on my legs till I bruise myself, and lately I have started to experiment with cutting. HOW DO I STOP THIS?
It's great that you're sharing such personal information about yourself and reaching out
You mention taking antidepressants, so do you see a psychiatrist? It's important that you see one (if you're not) and find a dosage that works well for you and helps you not feel so low so often.
Do you see a therapist/psychologist/counselor? Some are even especially trained to deal with self injury, and most who deal with "mood disorders," which includes depression, (should) know how to handle patients who self injure as well.
It's agreed upon that if you were to hurt yourself intentionally you are most likely in an extreme amount of pain and/or are having immense difficulty handling and coping with intense emotions.
I take antidepressants too, and I have both a psychiatrist and therapist. I've self injured by hitting myself too, and though I haven't done so in a little while, I have recently thought of it. I try hard to share that with my therapist because I honestly can't share with anyone else. Even if I could, they wouldn't know how to help me at all.
Even though you've been struggling with self injuring for 5+ years, it doesn't mean you're weak or crazy or anything. It seems like you simply (and unfortunately) have not been able to get the resources you need that would help you cope with any problems you may have and deal with your painful and intense emotions in much healthier ways.
I hope that was helpful :-/
And, also, I tried cutting once and IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! Seriously, I don't know if you have already cut or not but if you haven't, just know it is, like, 10x's worse than hitting AND it takes FOREVER for the cut to heal (and it may leave a scar).
unfortunately I can not afford the therapists and such
my regular doctor is the one who diagnosed me and at first was diagnosing me as bipolar...when the bipolar medications made me very suicidal, she started treating me with one after another after another after another of the antidepressants. Until we found one that made feel at least half human again and we have stuck with that medication.
As for the cutting, yes I KNOW it hurts like hell, but what people who do NOT cut dont understand (they say they do, but not to the depths of what a true cutter understands what I am about to say)....is that when you are in that "state of mind" so to speak, when you are cutting, the physical pain of the cut;while yes it may hurt some, it does NOT come anywhere CLOSE to the internal and emotional pain that leads one to even WANT to do such a thing to themselves. Myself for example, I HATE looking at the cuts on me, they make me sick to my stomach and make me feel even more disgusted with myself....but when I am hurting so much inside from the inner pain, its as though each cut is a RELEASE, whether it bleeds a lot or a little, for me it is as though each drop of blood represents a a tear. Therefore, for me , a release of anger, of pain, of frustration.....I can only hope that pain and suffering and my experience will shed some light to others.