Joined: 08 Jun 2008 Posts: 44 Location: , Behind you
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self-cured of MC ? Posted: 06-08-08 16:37pm
Hi,
My identity is secret.
I recently came to realize I have been
mentally ill for a very long time.
I didn't realise during the period I had
an MC.
As a child I have always been in constant
battle with my head.
I had nightmares allmost every day.
I also hallucinated.
Nobody ever saw, because all of this
happend inside my head.
I never told anyone about the
hallucinating and having nightmares is
very normal for children.
How much and how long I was in battle with
my head I can't describe, I suffered a
lot. I don't want to tell details ore tell
stories about it.
A year ago my head sometimes made weird
ticks randomly sometimes, and always when
I slowly turned to the right ore the
left.
I cured myself somehow, because I really
hated it.
I cured myself of the battle in my head at
age 13.
(the battle was with possibly a different
personality I didn't allow to come out and
take control over me)
Recently I heard destructive news.
It didn't affect me mentally, I don't want
to realise it, so I just don't.
But a part of me does. For 3 days I had
headackes, and my body felt nauchias.
Asprins didn't help (I took 5 paracetamol
devided over the day)
Usually asprins always work.
I think my body and mind are protecting me
from getting seriously ill.
My mind is strong and I can think
perfectly fine all by myself.
My parents still don't know, I'm 17 and 3
months old.
I will not tell them, I think it's
unnecicarry and acutally I don't want to
talk about it.
I came to realise it because I was talking
to my boyfriend (Long distance
relationship) over the mail, we told
eachother lifestories, as I thought about
the details of my past there was a very
clear part of my childhood inside and
outside of my head, this is when I came to
realise the weird happenings I had and how
irregular they were.
I became very interrested and searched
information, but I can't find the MC for
my possible mental illness.
I think I cured myself from a mental
condition.
But the burning question is, what did I
cure myself from?
Help me please.
|
GiRo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2008 Posts: 44 Location: , Behind you
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Posted: 06-10-08 04:30am
Okay...
Maybe I didn't fully cure myself..
I keep having thoughts coming in my head I
don't agree on.
Also sometimes when I hold a sharp knife
I'm overwhelmed with fear and the urge to
stab myself.
But for the rest I'm fine, I really do
think I cured myself for 90%
Does anybody know what I have suffered
from as a child??
Please reply..
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GiRo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2008 Posts: 44 Location: , Behind you
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Thanked:3
Posted: 06-14-08 09:22am
Okay..
Today I woke up with a head ache.
The ambulance came to our house. (Not for
me, for who is none of your bussiness)
I didn't feel any emotion..
All this time I don't get hurt.
While my brother was crying his lungs
out..
I don't know why?
I mean, I'm supposed to care.
I'm supposed to be even sad a little.
But I'm not.
While this person means the world to me.
I can't imagine a life without...
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GiRo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2008 Posts: 44 Location: , Behind you
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Thanked:3
Posted: 06-15-08 03:47am
This person died today..
Now I'm really sad..
The upcoming 2 years of my life will be
very difficult for me now..
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
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Posted: 06-16-08 15:33pm
GiRo- I'm really sorry for your loss. Is
there someone at school you can talk to
about it? It sounds really rough.
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GiRo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2008 Posts: 44 Location: , Behind you
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Thanked:3
Posted: 06-16-08 16:06pm
Oh,
I have good friends, don't worry.
I take good care of myself, I can talk to
them about a lot.
The thing that bothers me is, the
disabillity to know the right things to do
and say when a loved one is hurt with the
same loss. I know I could embrace them
like they embrace me, ore pat them like
they pat me.
But somehow it's hard for me to make that
kind of communication..
I think that really sucked, since I should
be the right one to do it at a moment I
feel sad but don't feel anything at all.
I mean, that night...
Everyone was crying, but I didn't spill a
tear..
Maybe I should have, maybe I couldn't.
I'm so confused lately, just trying to get
anything in order.. With this, with
graduating, with relationships..
I really want to know what I possibly
cured myself from.
Today I wondered what my family feels, of
course sadness, I know sadness, but
physicall pain... not just an emotion of
tears.
But I can't ask them 'how does your loss
feel like'
It somehow feels like I allready have
everything figured out, but it also feels
like nothing is real.
I feel the death, the way I know it.
When I think about death I feel it, it's a
terrifying emotion that I try to get rid
of the moment I feel ore think it.
My cat ate a mouse, I think last week.
I felt the death and panick, the knowing
that its life was coming to an end,
I felt the feeling of death as I think of
it.
And it feels very dark and terrible.
Because it makes me realise how useless
and short life is.
(it's always usefull in a way, but you
know what I mean)
Life is very very very short, to short.
But the moment this person was taken away
from me,
as I saw..
I didn't feel death.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 06-16-08 16:13pm
I'm glad you have people to talk to.
Grief affects everyone differently, some
people show their emotions very visibly on
the outside, and some people don't. Some
people experience more of a 'numbness'
than grief, and don't really feel sad
right away.
It could be that it was so real for you,
you weren't ready to feel those intense
feelings. When it's just a mouse, you
might feel the pain, but you might not
feel it if it's someone close to you
because it would be too intense. Does
that make sense to you, does it seem
accurate?
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GiRo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2008 Posts: 44 Location: , Behind you
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Thanked:3
Posted: 06-17-08 05:53am
Yes.
I never really thanked you for replying..
So thanks,
well, I think so, this person was as close
to me as any person can get..
It does sound acurate..
But you have no clue what I possibly cured
myself from?
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 06-17-08 10:45am
It's hard to say online, and I'm not a
doctor- but it sounds like you were at
least experiencing some derealization,
where the world didn't feel quite real or
things are seeming strange. It might cause
you to feel...
* spaciness
* like looking through a gray veil
* a sensory fog
* spaced-out
* being trapped in a glass bell jar
* in a goldfish bowl
* behind glass
* in a Disney-world dream state
* withdrawn
* feeling cut off or distant from the
immediate surroundings
* like being a spectator at some
strange and meaningless game
* objects appear diminished in size
* flat
* dream-like
* cartoon-like
* artificial; objects appear to be
unsolid, to breathe, or to shimmer
* "as if my head were inside a Coke
bottle and I'm viewing the world through
the thick glass at the bottom"
Those are some descriptions of what
derealization feels like.
However, derealization isn't a condition
on it's own, it's a symptom of many
different conditions. You would have to
see a psychologist to determine exactly
what is going on.
Joined: 08 Jun 2008 Posts: 44 Location: , Behind you
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Posted: 06-17-08 13:37pm
I don't want to see a psychologist.
That's why I asked here, so people can
give their thoughts no matter if it's
correct ore not, just what they think I
had..
derealization reminds me of hallucinating
a lot, but the last time I hallucinated
was I think 10 years ago, maybe more.
