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Seem to be confused lately

I'm a 19 year old male who's grown up always attracted to females, both sexually and romantically. If you would have asked me a couple months ago if I'd ever question my sexuality I would have called you insane, but alas, here I am. I guess it sort of started when I was watching a tv show repeatedly on Hulu. Eventually I noticed the lead male roll had an aesthetically attractive face. It made me feel kind of uncomfortable and a little weird, but I really didn't think much of it once I finished watching the series. Anyway I didn't think about it for months after that, and to be quite honest I'm not entirely sure what sparked it a few months ago, but I started to wonder if I'm gay. It got to a point where I almost didn't even want to think about it, and you know how it is when you actively try to NOT think about something. It ends up being the only thing you DO think about.

So I'd end up with images in my head of what it'd be like to be with a man. And while I could tell whether a man is attractive or not, it just didn't FEEL right imagining myself with a man. Now my mind jumped to this huge conclusion that that must just be social conditioning telling me to suppress something. But then again I've read stories about gay people who said they've known they were gay since they were very young. Things like that make me look back and realize my obvious sexual attraction to women at a very young age. So then a part of me wondered whether or not I was cringing at these thought not because I'm suppressing gay feelings, but because by thinking of these things I'm suppressing straight feelings.

I've always been a hopeless romantic, and always ended up in the friend zone with girls who've I've fallen head over heals for. So I've always been one to fantasize about falling in love, but now I'm confused and am questioning everything. I've thought about it so much that at this point I think I've really opened my mind to the possibility of being bisexual (there's just no getting around my attraction to women). But it still just doesn't FEEL right, I remember what it felt like to be in love and desire love from a woman, and when my mind can't find a LOGICAL reason to be with a man sexually/romantically (mechanically any man can have sex with a man, and people are people so technically i could experience emotions with a man akin to that I'd experience with a women) it's almost as if I feel I can't desire to be with a woman either, despite the urge being there forever.

I'm extremely confused, and I've probably left out a lot. Has anyone else gone through any of this? Does anyone else have any advice?
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replied June 12th, 2012
I'm going through the same thing. I'm only 15, but still. Like 2 years ago i started being attracted to guys. At first I wouldn't let myself do it.. I talked to my cuzin and said it was fine. I consider myself Bisexual since i have dated a guy. But lately my parents found out by some texts to my bf. They were upset. After that I wore a rubber band on my wrist and snapped myself everytime i was attracted to, looked at, or thought of a guy. Needless to say, you can tell were the rubber band was. But I'm still questining myself... Mabey something i said might help...
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