Hello, everyone.
I am nervous about writing this, but I guess I have nothing to fear. I know that my case is not serious, but I am still worried about my actions and the future. I am 21 and have only been inflicting harm upon myself for about 1 1/2 years. However, I have always liked pain. As a child, sometimes I would bite my hand for fun or stick pins under my skin once in a while. More recently, I have been picking at hair on my face or using a tweezers to pull out hair on my stomach or face. I just realized that it is actually a painful action. A couple of years ago, I would sometimes slap my arms or use a scissors to scrape my arms (doing no damage). Then later, I did actually cut my ankles badly three days in a row, but I was able to stop. I still continued to sometimes do minor harm. Then several months later, I cut a couple of more times. I was able to stop that again, but I still am hurting myself now. I started scratching my arm and sometimes, biting or hitting/slapping it. Currently, I use keys to scratch my arm, but I try not to do it badly enough to bleed. There is my history. Originally when I started, it was to feel something or to release tension from anxieties or anger, but now that is not the case. I feel like I am addicted. All I want to do is scratch myself. I love seeing the marks on my arm (I just scratch my left arm for some reason). I have begun to not only do it every day, but I do it whenever I have the chance. I am really scared. I know that I am not in any real danger right now, but I know that this is not good, and I know that I shouldn't be doing it. I had gone through some hard times during the last several years, but now I am doing fine psychologically and am very happy. I really am doing well. However, I am just so used to the feeling and love it so much, that I can't let it go, even if I don't really need it. I am working on stopping. I'm sorry this is so long, but I thought maybe someone could help me or at least tell me something about this feeling of needing to do it without any real motive. I do have a couple of confidants, and I will get connected with a counselor as soon as I can. Thank you all very much. I wish you all well. God bless you.