By law, you don't have to call their parents. By law, you do have to tell SOMEONE though. If you are scared about confrontation and losing trust with your kids, tell the principle and he will call the childrens parents and say he got an anonymous tip from someone saying they noticed cuts on their childs arms/legs/wherever.

Honestly, them coming to you saying they are worried about infection is probably a cry for help. They want someone to see the cuts and notice. If they were truly worried about what people would think and didn't want some help, they'd do anything to hide it even if it were oozing puss.

If you feel comfortable with it, you can pull them aside to a private part of your office and be like "look, I noticed when treating this cut for infection that there are a lot more cuts. is there anything you'd like to talk to me about? how did you get these cuts" etc and just try to be a supportive person.

It's great that you are reaching out and willing to help these kids in a time of great need. What a wonderful nurse I'm glad to see we have caring professionals in our school system.

Ah, shucks Thanks. I really do love these kids.

The principal here feels it a necessity that the person that discovered it has to make the report of it, as in calling the parents. The vast majority of the kids I've seen are very open about it. They have no problems telling me when they did it, how they did(what they used to cut), how long they've been doing it, etc. They never have a why though.

Most of the time, the parents are almost horrified at first..after I tell them I'm seeing it a lot they calm down a bit. I'm VERY happy it's all been caring parents. Most of them seem to go above and beyond for seeking help with their kids.

I just don't know what to tell the kids. Saying the cliche, "Oh, everything will be OK" isn't good enough for me :*( And refering them to the counselors usually isn't enough. Most of the times it's been kids whose parents are getting divorced..they feel at blame..

Any more advice on what to say to these kids? Thank you for the reply.

The why could really be for many reasons. Some kids do it because they are truly hurting on the inside and it helps them feel better, but other kids unfortunately do it because it seems to be a trend (this seems especially true in your school since the number of kids doing it is so high). I would just be as supportive as possible and let them know that if they need anyone to talk to that they can come to you anytime (if you are willing to do that).

Hi Savrioself.
Sounds like you're handling a lot on your own; well done for looking a bit further into the subject.

I'm interested - in your contacts with so many young people so far, have you noticed anything that really "did" or "didn't" help you to engage with them? I know there's no magic words, and it sounds as though you're working hard to try and get an understanding and a story for your young people (which is probably partly why they're opening up to you in the firdst place) - but have you any tips you would pass on to people trying to ask more about self harm?

Keep up the good work!
Psych

Is this the law? I have a cutter and I did not notify her mother right away but I did alert the principal. The principal alreted the mother the same day. The mother is concerned because I did not notify her as soon as I found out. Another staff member looked up HIPPA and our states revised codes and says that I always have to notify the parents of a child's health status and I say we do not any information would be useful here. Thanks.

I cut and constantly face the confidentality issues with teachers, guidance counselors, nurses, etc. at school. Because you are in fact required by law to report it, i didnt tell anyone. I was suicidal a few years ago and someone told my parents. This is how I found out about the laws forcing you to contact the parents. While it may have been beneficial for my parents to know when I was suicidal, as I cut, it only causes me more anxiety to imagine my parents finding out. Luckly I was able to find and connect with some people at the school that I trusted. They were willing to make certian arangements with me where I would work with them and be able to talk to them freely, and I would refrain from doing certian things. They trusted me very much by allowing me to make decisions for myself. Knowing that I had people who really put so much trust in me, I formed a bond with them which goes deeper than I ever thought possiable. I finally have people that I can confide in and now I feel safe. I havent stopped yet, but i feel like I am in a much better place and I could not express how much those select few ended up altering my life. Trusting kids and forming bonds with them could save their lives.

As for what to do with your kids... Make it known that 1. It doesnt scare you or freak you out that they cut (if it freaks you out, lie). They want someone who they feel like can handle whatever is going on in their life. If you show weakness then its harder for them to depend on you. Keep cool. 2. Make it known that you are there for THEM and noone else. If they think that you are feeding their parents the info, that makes you just like everyone else. 3. Be tough. Kids need to trust you, but they also need to respect you. If you realize something is really going wrong with them, it helps if they respect and trust your word. I have someone who I trust who kicks my ass into shape and will tell me flat out if im bullshitting. Kids need people to turn to for guidance. They dont want someone sugar coating things. 4. Be yourself. If you are lying or hiding some part of yourself, they'll know. 5. Trust your intuition. You do not need a degree in psychology to give advice on life. As long as you have lived (duh.) then you are qualified to give advice. The people who help me the most and give me the best advice are those who are struggling with life themself. Dont sugar coat your own life.

But this is just what I apreciate. Like you said, half of the kids just want their parents to know. Other kids just have issues which they cannot deal with by talking to their parents.

I hope this helps...

Good luck,
Chels

I appreciate the fact that you're concerned. But being a cutter, (the type who cuts myself deeply in concealed places) I also value my privacy and my chosen way of life. I can argue any counselor or psychiatrist out of his mind when it comes to justifying my behavior, but I find it horribly unproductive, and I really don't appreciate that some people feel a need to intervene. Of course, I understand that you're required by law to report such incidents, but I don't really feel that it's justified to pry into people's lives and personal belongings when they've made it pretty clear that they don't want you to. Unfortunately, that's what many of the teachers and staff members in my school are doing.

You're also lucky in that you've met so far with caring parents. I have friends who were thrown out of their homes when their parents found out they were cutting, and the fuss the school administration kicked up about me helped to eventually destroy my parents' marriage. Which is why I don't believe in intervention of any kind, unless you're absolutely convinced that the person is going die (and that he or she doesn't want to).

Hello, I recently told my Guidance Counselor about some cutting issues I have. Before I said anything, she told me that the only time she would have to tell my mother would be if I had admitted to wanting to commit suicide. Other than that, she would just have to tell someone, or try to get me to. Hope that helped a little.