Hi. I've been looking for a place like this for a long time. I know I have a problem but never thought it severe enough to go to the doctor about; plus I didn't really want that embarrassment!

Ok, so I'm 19 now. For years I have had feelings of dissociation.

I believe I am using the term correctly. What I mean is that although I have always physically been there, making a physical action, it is as though I am not there and that I am doing it almost by remote-control of my own body. Objects or walls seem a lot closer or further than they actually are, and although this sounds absurd; they sometimes feel closer and further at the same time. I will sometimes think to myself, maybe while walking down the street: "Hey, I feel normal" and will without fail immediately feel quite spaced-out. I have noticed that the colour and intensity of light around me can effect how extreme the feeling is.

I never used to think this was much of a problem and infact sometimes enjoy the slightly drug-like feeling. However, when I started work at a new office job a few months back, I thought about how it could affect my work and interractions.




The statements below are facts which may or may not be helpful to you. I'm just saying everything which I feel may be in some way relevant:

-I have a family history of Alzheimer's (and really hope it isn't kicking-in at 19!)

-I have noticed eccentric behaviour in myself and occasionally feel that people will walk away from a conversation with me thinking "Well, that's an odd way to put it".

-I have had periods of varying length and intensity of depression throughout my life. (This may not be relevant as I have noticed that changes in my life, eg: moving to uni, first full-time job etc seem to cure this completely. It may be lack of change, rather than illness causing this)

-I have also had periods, usually soon before or after a period of depression; where I am happier than normal. I would not use the term mania for this feeling though.

-I was prescribed stemitil once (when I was about 15) when a doctor misjudged my feelings as "Dizziness". I have since tried the stemitil (at about 1Cool to see if it helps with the dissociation, but it makes no difference.

-I suffered mild headaches on a regular basis when I was around 12-15 (although this may be related to a flu vaccine I had around that time)

-I have, and always have had very irregular sleeping patterns. (This is by choice, not insomnia. Left to my own devices I would be nocturnal. I feel this is more likely a cause than a symptom)

-I have been mildly scared of social situations in the past, but don't seem to be so much now.

Thanks a lot for any help you can offer. If you need more info, just ask.