So its like this... I was diagnosed with schizophrenia a little over a year ago... but i have suffered from it for a while before that. I am 20 years old just about to turn 21. I used to live on my own but when i was diagnosed I made the decision to move back home with my parents. I take my medication like im supposed to with the exception of going off of them a couple times for about a three week period, one of which landed me in the hospital. While I am on my medication I really start to miss some of the voices I hear (I say some because there are ones that are not nice at all and tell me to do things that are not good). But the voices I hear are for the most part good and keep me company when I am alone. They also encourage me and compliment me which makes me feel good about myself. The pills have horrible side effects and i feel like im totally doped up while Im on them, they also dull the voices which on one hand is good because i dont hear the "negative" voices as much, but I also dont hear the positive ones as much either. I miss having conversations with the voices they were almost like a friend to me. I really dont want to take my medications anymore because I feel like I can control the bad while still being able to conversate with the good. Im tired of lying to my family about taking them when I'm not. I just wish there was a way I could talk to them and explain how I feel but I just dont know what to say or how to say it or even if its a good idea maybe I should just stay on the pills and live my life lonely? I dont know what to do. I've tried to bring it up with my mom and she said that if I stop taking my pills then I am not welcome in thier house. Because they say that I get delusional even though i know im not, and they say that I am different when Im not stable.
I just don't know what to do... should I talk to them about stopping the medicine, should i just stop and lie to them like ive done in the past or should I just keep taking the pills and be lonely and not have a life?
Could your medication be changed that doesn't make you feel doped? From what I understand a person who is schizophrenia is not totally aware of things when they are off their medication however they feel as if they are totally aware of their life and actions.
It sounds like your family has seen you when you are not taking medication and your behavior frightens them and they only want the best for you.
You can lead a normal life as much as you can by taking a medication that works for you and you can make friends.
If I was hearing voices, negative or positive, I would not want to hear them at all.
When some take their medication they feel normal again, therefore they stop taking and go downhill.
Be honest with your parents. As if you don't they will know that you are not taking your meds...
You have issues that I've had to deal w/ in my early adulthood.
I have been treated for schizoprenia and mood disorder for the past 11 years. It is hard to be med compliant when its all new and feels daunting. I wound up back on the psych-ward more than a couple times for lapses in medication after things fell apart when I was new to the fact of my mental health issues. I also know the anxiety of family watching over you and wanting what's best and sometimes in an authoritative manner.While the meds are somewhat uncomfortable and not always exactly 'soothing' they work for me and enable me to function as a better level. The best thing to do with your circumstance is be level with your doctor and family - who are your allies, believe me. Sort things out. I know the feeling you describe about not wanting to rid yourself of the pros regardless of the cons. But I was told at one point that to not use my doctor and medication as a resourse could result in the psycosis becoming more entrenched and thus harder to treat in the long run.I've found this to be valid. For me to function well and not have the anxiety, nervousness and sometimes terror of what my psych/brain dishes out I use my meds and stay open with others who want to help and see me happy, comfortable, and balanced. Also support groups such as NAMI can give you some perspective on what is endurable and what is simply not tollerable. I suggest that you see about finding a group you could get to. I know what it feels like to be lonely and comforted with the positive aspects. And appalled and disjointed from the negative levels to it all. Best wishes and Peace to your body and mind and spirit.