I have so many bad memories. They keep me from wanting to be like I used to be. I used to have good looks and confidence. I was in my weight range. But after I was diagnosed I gained 170 pounds. It was really hard on me. Because I was into the occult as well and I thought the label was an imposition on my rights as an experiencer of religion...But schizo's are always messed up with religion, right?! But now I have confronted some fears of being submitted to doctors. I confronted them being exposed to them. I now know that there are things out there, whether they are spiritual or they be chemical imbalance, that are insane. Help is needed. Medication helps. Although I had to change some of my belief systems about not taking medication, and naturalism. This happened over a course of years. And as a note, the process of changing beliefs really was a testament to some core concepts of spirituality...
Now I do want to be pretty again! I believe it is vital to life to care about yourself in this way. At least it is for me, this is a part of my path. But more-so than beauty, there is a concept of truth and love that is growing in me... that wasn't in me this way before I had some bad episodes. And to have a core concept of truth and love is a great foundation for occult, or religion. But I do want to be pretty! AGH.
~MelodyNC