My husband and I have been together since 2006, and got married in 2010. We were both born and raised and lived our entire lives in Boston, MA. We had a large group of friends, we were very close to my family, and to his mom (who lives out there). We both had a really good life out there....we were newlyweds, we had just moved into a new apartment that we loved, we always had great times with our friends and families, I had been at a full-time job that I LOVED for 2 years, and I had been teaching dance classes out there for about 10 years. The only down-side to our entire situation was that my husband wasn't happy at his job, and had been thinking of trying to find something else. A few months after our wedding his father who lives and works in IL as a commercial diver, called him & put an offer on the table - that he would pay for my husband to go to dive school, and would then get him a job with him out in IL. I knew how much he hated his job, and my job agreed to let me telecommute from IL, so after much discussion, I agreed to it.
We've now been out here for about 8 months. I've been trying everything that I can to enjoy it out here - I joined a dance class (the studio might even let me teach classes for them next season). I made friends. I've been getting out and doing things. But no matter what I do, I can never seem to completely shake this feeling of sadness, emptiness, depression, and hopelessness. I miss everything about home so much......family, friends, my co-workers, the city (the place we moved to is about 1.5 hours south of Chicago.....pretty much in the middle of nowhere). And to top it off, I'm CONSTANTLY being harassed by my step mother-in-law out here, who I CAN'T STAND, but pretty much have to force myself to get along with because she's the type of person who will make my life a living hell if I don't.
I can generally shake this feeling for a few months at a time........so far it's been at its worst after a coming back from a visit home, around the holidays, and after having visiting guests went home. But now about 3 weeks ago I got into a bad car accident. It really shook me up. But to top it off, it's now brought on my worst "Relocation Depression" bout yet. I have my husband of course, but I'm so used to having a HUGE support structure, and they're all so far away.
When we moved out here, my husband promised that it wouldn't be permanent......commercial diving is really hard to get a job doing without experience, so we were hoping that we'd only have to be out here for a few years and that eventually he could transfer his skills back to New England. We originally agreed on maybe 2 years.....but now he thinks that it could be longer. And I don't even think that I'll last THAT long. He has offered to just quit and move us back to Boston. He's offered to take back his old job. He says that I'm more important than a job. And as badly as I WANT to go back, I also don't want him to have to give up something that he actually enjoys. I don't want all his training to be for nothing just because I can't stop crying. I offered to see a Dr about all this to see if they can help me sort this out, but in the meantime I'm just so torn. Do I let him quit, and then move back to Boston......where we'll be back to our old, great life, but he'll be back at an old, crappy job? I'm afraid that, deep down, he'll resent me if we do this. Or do we stay here, where he's got a job that he loves, but deep down I'm completely miserable no matter what I do, and where there's a chance that deep down I might end up resenting him? I just feel so torn and don't know what to do. I thought that this move would help strengthen our marriage, but sometimes I feel like it might have been the worst thing for it. Or am I just being completely selfish?
Sometimes we have to do things we want to do, but we do them because we need to. My husband & I were far from our families and loved it. After a car accident, I needed to come back home to where my family was. I needed their support. My husband didn't want to at first, but we needed to. I needed to. We pushed the "reset" button on our entire lives and started over. It was necessary. My husband knew that I needed my family and agreed to move back with me. We picked up our entire family & moved 1/2 way across the country because I needed my family. He left a very good paying job and made 1/2 of what he was making before, but the important part is I am healthy and I couldn't have gotten where I am today without the love & support of my family.
I say go for it. If he is willing to go...go. There are always other jobs available. Sometimes we need to make hard choices, but for me..for my husband & I, it was a good decision in the end.