hello everybody, couple of months ago my girlfriend broke up with me after a year, and this was made all the more upsetting because i genuinley wasnt sure what the reason was.
I should tell you now she is suffering with an eating disorder, pretty badly.
Her behaviour became very strange and unpredictable.
The first example that i saw was at christmas time. We had been on a christmsa night out with friends, and afterwards, i raised the issue that she never ate anymore. She was drunk, and got really upset and told me that she had only made herself had 3 meals since March (this was last December), and whenever i or her family took her out for dinner she made herself sick as soon as she got home. She also said that whenever her Mum brough her her shopping(she lives by herself), she immidiatley threw away all the chocolate and other "fat" foods "incase she eat them".
Then, at my birthday, 4 weeks before we broke up, it went a bit further.
On the night off my birthday celebration, She text me saying she felt "so sad", and then turned up 2 hours late. The later on that night, in a nightclub, she was in tears and told me that i should go out with someone normal,that she was too fat to go out with me, and that she was ashamed of herself. The next day she kept on apologising, saying how sorry she was, and two days later she came to see me and told me she had been crying all weekend as she was sure i was going to break up with her, which i wasnt.
The last time i was with her before we broke up she told me she hadnt had a meal, apart from when i had taken her for dinner, for 2 months. Normally when stuff like that has happened, ive tried to give he a shoulder to cry on and be supportive, but on this occasion i kinda got quite annoyed and had a bit of a go at her. We didnt fall out, but i kind of let her know that unless she sorted it out she was going to end up in hospital.
It was a really good day though, we both had fun. In the four days between then and us breaking up, she must have text me everyday saying that she loved me, including texting me saying she loved me12 hours before we broke up.
Anyway, i was on the train to meet her when she texts me saying that she was sorry. I replied asking her why she was sorry, and she replied "for what i have to tell you."
Obviously then i relaised something was wrong, and what was going to happen, so i text back asking why she wanted to break up and she text back saying we should split because things were different now. The next day she said we split up because i didnt seem that bothered about making an effort to improve the relationship, and the next day it was because i never put her first.
After we broke up, i should have taken a step back and realised she had stuff going on in her life and given her some space, but i kept asking her what was going on, telling her how much she meant to me etc. I know this was a wrong move, but it was very difficult to understand. She was so nasty though, and it seemed she was trying to push me away for some reason.
Then about 2 weeks later, she drunkenly phoned me and said it was because she needed to be on her own becuase then no-one could tell her what to do and she didnt need to tell anyone anything.
She also said she was sorry for trying to make out it was all my fault but she didnt know if she could have a boyfriend just now. So basically, because of her eating disorder. We were kind of still on speaking terms, but i text her one night, nothing heavy, just like "hey, what you upto", and didnt reply, so i decided i wasnt texting her again.
A couple of nights later, i was hammered and bumped into her best pal in the pub, and i was talking to him about the situation, and i drunkenly told him that i was really sad we had broken up and i really loved her. He obviously told her this, and the next night she text me saying "hey, i heard you were talking to alan last nite? "
my reply kind of steared it away from that, as i was a bit embarrased by what i said, and i was just like "yeah, i was hammered, cant really remember. Hows things?"
Since then, she has text me quite a few times, and even phoned me one night but i missed her call and couldnt phone back as i had no talk time. I should just have phoned back the next day but for some reason i didnt.
Over the course of the relationship her personlaity and behaviour changed greatly.
I could see things changing becuase of her situation, but i hung in there because i had hoped she would get better. One day we would get on great, the next she would be miserable, telling me how "sad" she felt.
A week before we broke up, we had a fantastic day in town, just having a great laugh, getting on great etc. The very next day, she was in a completley foul mood, grumpy, sullen and withdrawn. I asked what was wrong and she said "nothing". I asked if i had done anything, she said no. Another exampe of her crazy mood swings.
The next day she text me saying simply "i love you". I text back "love you more". Her reply was " thats impossible." Then the next day was our last day together, again a really good day apart from the thing she said about how infrequently she ate meals.
She went from being a talkative confident funny girl to being shy, withdrawn and quiet. We still got on great 95% of the time as i knew the reason she had changed was because of her issues.
Anyway, sorry for the really long message, hope some of you can give me some advice as i really love her to bits and and i have no idea what to do.
I know this girl was amazing in bed for two reasons. Reasons One, there was nothing positive about what you described here. She was completely emotionally inconsistent. She broke up with you through text and it wasn't even a goog reason any of the times she changed it. She's dismissive of your concernes and she ignores your attempts to communicate. Reason Two, because every severely emotionally disturbed woman I've been stupid enough to date was absolutely devestating in the sack. It's allright if you don't want to acknowledge you're considderring going back to her just for the sex but you absolutely have to acknowledge that you were treated badly and that this girl, as wonderful as she was in those isolated moments, isn't capable of maintaining a relationship. She simply doesn't have the emotional stability.
Your relationship with her is over. It may be honestly the best thing she did for you. You are now needing to move on even if that means cutting her off as a friend. There may be a time when she gets her eating disorder under control and gets her emotional chaos back in the bottle but that doesn't happen in the span of a few months.
Regardless of your feelings for her as an Ex you're obligated to contact her parents and advise them that their daughter has an eating disorder and that from her descriptions it is possibly life-threatenning. She needs help that you're not qualified to offer. You really ought to beat yourself up for not getting her help when she first told you she wasn't eating. She is going to hate you for doing this but one day if she makes it through alive she's going to realize it's the best thing you ever did for her.