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Relapse of anorexia

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Hi,
I'm 14 and I have been suffering with anorexia on and off. Recently, my ED returned and it was worse than it has ever been. I have been so tired and cold and I randomly burst into tears. I get really dizzy alot. But recently, because things at home are difficult for me because I don't feel that I am part of my family, I have been going to friends houses alot, however this has caused a massive problem...all my friends eat! I don't have a problem to be around food, but most peoples parents tend to cook for me aswell, and it would be incredubly rude for me to say no. Usually I get away with usual tricks, but recently I haven't been able to resist tucking in. But as soon as I get away from people I throw up. It isnt like I force myself to be sick, I simply think about and then it happens, but this is becoming a more regular occurence. I don't binge eat or anything, infact normally I dont, usually I don't eat at all.
What can I do to prevent this?
And is it possible for me to get better?
Thanks xx
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replied March 25th, 2009
well, first of all it is not uncommon for people with anorexia to throw up what little food they do eat. it is however, incredibly dangerous. it seems like a lot of the problems are coming from you feeling uncomfortable in your own home and not wanting to eat there... you definitely seem more "at home" at your friends houses. you're only 14 years old though and this eating disorder could and probably already has started to cause serious health problems for you that will effect you for the rest of your life. for one thing, if you mess with your metabolism a lot now (when you don't eat enough your metabolism slows down to compensate... it's called starvation mode) then it will be screwed up for a while. i can't tell if you want help with the purging or with moving on from your eating disorder commpletely. i know it seems liek a scary thing to do because it probably feels like a large part of your identity, but you will really be so much happier and free without it. i strongly suggest that you talk to the counselor at your school or seek psychotherapy because you shouldn't have to suffer with this. you should be able to go to your friends houses and enjoy yourself without having to worry about how you will avoid food when their parents start cooking... eventually you'll get to the point where you can ENJOY food and enjoy being young. only therapy will truly help you free your mind from such suffocating and time-consuming thoughts. i used to have an eating disorder so i know how it feels.. every morning i would think to myself, "today is the day i'll get better" or "today i will eat less than i ate yesterday" and sometimes i would just cry and cry and cry about how trapped i felt because all of my thoughts were centered on eating. it really is awful.. and the thing to realize is that your problems are showing themselves up in food but the root of the problems has nothign to do with food or weight, it's about how you're feeling inside and how you're family is making you feel.. those are the kinds of things you need to address in therapy so that you can live a more fulfilling life
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