It's the illness. You questioning about whether you're a terrible person is enough of an indication to show you care, but work towards realistic caring and don't beat yourself up. No-one can bully you like you can yourself, and, if you do this, you shouldn't be surprised if you don't feel too good.
You'll get back on track. Just give yourself time and be patient with yourself. Think how you'd react to someone writing what you have. You wouldn't think they were terrible, would you? You wouldn't rush them, either. Recovery takes a lot of time and effort. You'll get depressive defeatism about all this at times, and you may want to give up, but it's the overall trend that's important and there's enough in your post to suggest that you've got a desire to sort this.
Keep in touch with your team.