Hi, I am a young woman of 22 years, in a very happy relationship and a good job. I have been having big mood swings since about the age of 12. About that age, I also started cutting myself and drinking everyday. Nobody noticed, - I'm good at keeping things to myself. When I was 13, I had headaches constantly and therefore couldn't sleep. My mum took me to the doctors, and he asked all the questions relating to depression and I said 'no' to everything he said (I lied), because my mother was there. He said I had slight depression and to just take paracetamol. At this age, I was already thinking about suicide. I started stopping going out to my friends as well. A couple of years later, I had another big mood swing. I ended up drinking every morning before school, on my breaks and then I would go to my friends after school and get drunk. I was 14 when I last cut myself. I started starving myself at about this age also. I had another big mood swing around 17 years of age and this time, I drunk loads and starved myself. I was with my partner at 17, and I cannot keep anything from him. I was a size 6 (or 2 in the USA), and he was worried, because I would go days without eating, so he got me signed up with a model agency to show me that I was okay. These mood swings come and go so often. The last time I starved myself was last February, and this is good, because I used to try it so often. Around April to September/October time last year, I actually felt happy, I had just got through a terrible winter, due to having the worst job ever and it having me cry everyday and giving me big mood swings every day. I was actually happy and didn't see the next mood swing coming on until I was right in it. I have just got through about 3 months of being constantly low. I had just had gastritis also, and this didn't seem to be budging until I started taking 900mg of St. Johns Wort daily. My head seemed to clear quite a bit and I started feeling better. But I am still very edgy. Still, the slightest thing can either make me burst into tears, start shouting, ...well kind of go into a tantrum. These tantrums seem to be followed by suicidal thoughts. My partner describes my mood swings as serious. I thought I was coming out of this latest depression, but I'm having suicidal thoughts again. I have one side of by head saying do it, and then the other that says I've got everything to live for, I could also be pregnant. I don't want to kill myself. There's a limit to how much you can tell loved ones. But, last month, I was actually planning my suicide, not just thinking about it. I also don't know if this is depression, or anxiety, as I feel sick every morning (since before I could have been pregnant), I seem to pannic a bit every morning, and this is the main reason why I used to drink every morning, - to chill myself out a bit, and if I couldn't find any drink, I would sniff glue (as gross as that may sound), just to calm myself down. Sometimes, I can't get to work because I will panic in the morning, and either end up so sick that I can't go in, or I will end up properly crying, and I feel useless. I went to the doctor last month and admitted that there is something wrong with me, and I was still very careful of what I said. He gave me a number to call, and said he wanted me to talk to them 3 times a week, and he gave me this questionnaire to fill in. Now, I am an accountant, and January is the busiest month for me, so due to working a lot and wanting to sleep the rest of the time (I have also been tired constantly for the last few months), there was no way I could have done this. Is this depression, anxiety disorder, or what? Can anyone help? Also, sorry about the long post, but it really does help.