I'm wondering if anyone is in a similar situation to me or has advice to offer. Since my teenage years I've been through anorexia (though not terribly severe, bad enough to cause my family real distress) then bulimia, and a general obsessiveness with my weight. Though the physical/compulsive side has eased off, the mental fixation hasn't, and sometimes - recently - a binge seems crazily necessary regardless of how hungry I am feeling. It frightens me, because I feel almost schizophrenic when I am doing it.
Though I don't have a full-time job (I'm a freelance creative type) I have plenty of contact with people and a close relationship with my boyfriend, who knows all about my condition and is a great help in so many ways. However I feel very alone sometimes, especially when it comes to dealing with this; it seems to catch me off-guard and I don't want to find myself regressing.
In some ways I know I should just grow up: I am over-critical of my body, and I have silly mood-swings and fluctuations of confidence which only serve to confuse my boyfriend. Yet part of this feels driven by deeper issues; it's like a depression and a craving for something tangible when I'm too tired or lost to focus. Every time I binge I desperately want it to feel like normal, harmless comfort eating, but it always mushrooms into something more ominous. Afterwards I feel regret, relief, and a whole host of feelings, all of which seem to outweigh the simple action of just stuffing myself.
I don't really want to have to undergo therapy because I think I'm well past the worst, but at the same time I still can't thoroughly cope on my own. I know there are some self-help groups; if anyone can recommend other outlets/reading materials/strategies, or simply thoughts. I'd be more than grateful.