My wife and I are recovering from her cheating on me. She seems to be nothing but honest with me since I discovered her secret, but I am extremely jealous now. I figured out her facebook password and check all her messages, I read her text messages when she is sleeping, etc. I HATE BEING LIKE THIS.
I know she needs to earn my trust again but part of that is me giving her enough rope to hang herself (as the saying goes). How can I wrap my mind around the fact that she made a mistake but is trying to fix it.
I want to forgive my wife and get things back as close to normal as possible. HELP ME!!!
Have you found anything to make you believe that she's still cheating on you? Via facebook or her text messages?
Of course you're jealous, if you weren't, you wouldn't care if she had cheated on you. While she needs to earn your trust again, you are at the point where you are putting out feelers to see if she's worth trusting again. You want to give her a chance but you also don't want to revisit the emotional pain that you felt when you found out she was cheating on you--after all, once is MORE than enough.
Wondering if she's still hiding something from you will probably always gnaw at the edge of your thoughts until you come to a point where you either have to deal with accepting that she made a mistake and won't do it again or accept that fact that you can't believe that you can ever really trust her again. It may take a long time before you find yourself trusting her again.
Perhaps looking at her facebook and checking her text messages is a sign that you don't believe she's told you the complete truth. If that's the case, it would probably be wise to confront her.
If she's honestly trying to fix a terrible mistake that she's made, she'll tell you everything, no matter how horrible it is. There's always the chance you'll leave but it's probably a greater chance that if she hasn't told you everything that eventually as you find out there's more to the story, your distrust of her will grow.
She should definitely be in counseling to explore why she is exhibiting this behavior. She should willingly give you her passwords to show that she has nothing to hide. You shouldn't have to go behind her back to "figure them out". You naturally are having difficulty trusting her and you should...she will probably cheat again. Unless she seeks out help and follows through with the necessary changes, she will continue this behavior. You are enabling her by staying with her. She needs to understand that you expect complete honesty and loyalty.
actually in the past few months the communication between my wife and I is better than it had been in years. Instead of allowing something to bother me for a long time before saying anything we talk about what is going on in both of our lives and our shared life. It has made everything better. I will not pretend that I am ok with her cheating on me, and I might not ever completely be able to let it go. I have decided that it's better to forgive and move on than to try to forgive and forget. She has admitted her wrong doing and seems to be trying to make amends. That is all that I can ask for.
Hi heartbroken81 and welcome to ehealth: If my husband had cheated on me, I would have accepted it...I would have felt that some woman got him in a situation where wrong became right...Not that this makes it a correct situation, but one that I knew in my heart he was sorry for....Saying this if you wife did this then there was something important missing in her sexuality that she needed to find...Sometimes this is a part of a woman that shows her face as she ages..Now accept her, love her and don't spent your days thinking back on this yesterday....
I believe that sometimes that you love a person that you can accept a wrong...I would have and it sounds like you, too are on the right path...My best to both of you...Take care...