I can't ask any women I know, so maybe total strangers can help. Last week when I was bundling up our old cardboard boxes for recycling, I noticed that one of them still had the little plastic pouch on the side with the packing slip in it. I opened it, and discovered from the slip that about three months ago, my wife bought a vibrator. She obviously didn't want me to know, because it listed her personal credit card instead of the one we usually use to shop online.
I decided not to say anything to her right away and I still haven't mentioned it, but I can't stop thinking about this. We have a happy marriage and a good sex life, and It isn't like her to be secretive about anything. I'm sure she knows its her right to have a toy if she wants, so why would she feel she had to buy one secretly? Anyone have any thoughts?
Maybe she was embarrassed over her purchase or even thought you might take it the wrong way if she told you she wanted a vibrator. I wouldn't worry too much about this. It is just a toy and maybe she wanted the privacy. If it's really bothering you then just ask her about it.
Not to sound dismissive but it's not about you. Just like you have tools that help you get your work done faster she got one that helps her take care of business when it's not conveneint for you two to be togather. I'm sure she was secretive about it because most women have a lot of trouble being outspoken about their needs.
I would suggest you talk to her about it once you're comfortable with the idea of her having a vibrator. The issue here isnt' that she bought a sex toy but that she was too worried about hurting your feelings to trust you. The solution is to show her that you don't find it threatenning and that it's important for her to know that she can confide these things in you.
Thanks for the thoughtful replies so far. I'm not sure I should say something just yet. There is a reason she didn't want me to know about this-- maybe it is just privacy or embarrassment as wendyrs says. If so, maybe I should just give her her privacy and see what happens.
Leave it alone...This is her private world...You sound like my husband...He knows that I have a vibrator and once purchased a dildo and come to think of it probably ten toys when I found out about them...This was four years ago...Eric my Eroscillator is my favorite...I threw the other ones out...My husband like you are, is jealous of my Eric...He wants to be my favorite lover just like you do...I possibly use Eric maybe every ten days or so, but never tell my husband...Not because I want this to be a secret, but that he doesn't want to know...I would love to masturbate with Eric in front of him, but I know now that it would spoil some perfect place that he and I have found...He is my perfect lover and Eric would be a friend that was not invited to the party....Because of his wishes and my understanding of a man, I never do this in front of my husband and only late at night when my husband is asleep...Saying this, honey don't be mad...We are tuning ourselves up for a hot sexual bout with you.....
Caroline, it sounds like we have exactly the opposite situations. Your DH doesn't want to know, and my DW doesn't want me to know. That is what bothers me. And honestly I wish I had not found out. But I think you may be right. I may just have to leave it alone for now.
Expedition: If you don't have a problem with it, maybe sort of bring it up in a sexy moment. Like, "you know what might be fun...." I know guys don't get the same thing out of using vibrators as women do, but it still can be fun for you. If you are curious, let her know, but don't let her know you found the packing slip.
You shouldn't be any more threatened by it than she should be threatened by you having a couple of girly magazines or you masturbating by yourself.
I know that you aren't upset with her for buying it, but you feel that she is being secretive. Like other people have said, she probably was worried that you would think that you weren't satisfying her or something. Don't worry about that. If you want her to be open an honest about it, bring it up covertly and see what her reaction is.
Also, is it possible it wasn't for her? What I mean is, around the time she bought it, did she go to any bachelorette parties or showers or anything? Sometimes women give vibrators as gag gifts.
Myrah, no parties or showers. If it was a gift, she would have used our joint credit card. She opens and pays her personal card statement herself.
I'm anxious to see what others think, but for now, I'll go with the opinions of Wendy and others who think she just wanted some privacy and to not hurt my feelings.
im married but 6yr ago b4 i got married i wanted a vibe but didn want my bf now hub to know thinkn he wud b insecure so i never told him or bought one we used to order porn n with one purchase as a free gift adam-n-eve sent us a free vibe to make him feel comfortable i asked him to use it on me low n behold he didnt mind n cud care less if i had one... so if u let her know ur ok with it im should sure shell understand she may not be embarassed she may jus think u wouldn agree with it.. i thought the same but to my surprise he was ok with it.. U SHOULD TALK WITH HER N STOP IGNORING IT BCUZ OBIVIOUSLY ITS WORRYING U ITS LIKE U WERE HOPING FOR SOMEONE TO TELL U IGNORE SO U WOULD BE CONTENT WITH WHAT THEY WERE SAYIN COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY N IF SHE FEEL LIKE SHE CANT TALK TO U ABOUT IT N U FEEL LIKE U CANT TALK TO HER ABOUT IT JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING ELSE SHE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO TALK TO U ABOUT N VICE VERSA IF U CANT COMMUNICATE WITH THE ONE U LOVE THEN WHATS THE POINT OF BEING TOGETHER
I would have to agree with Wendyrs. Maybe your wife has a girlfriend who recommended her to try it out just for the fun of it. It's a "girl thing." Although in my case, there is nothing like the real thing but everybody is different.
i agree with wendyrs and marylander38.. it is a girl thing... but i also agree there isnt nothing like the real thing... i bought a toy and i didnt tell my fiance afraid he would be upset or think he wasnt good enough.. i just needed something to get me through while he was out on buisness trips.. but one night i went out and bought him a toy and he had no problem with it . He was happy about mine because i got the kit to make the mold of his.. so my toy would be an exact model of his so... we just get embarrased some times.
if you have a great and healthy sex life and she shows how great it is then sweetie you have nothing to worry about. now if its the other way around then i would be. but it seems like your very happy. now if after this toy she gets less interested id get worried. you might find that she wants you more after using the toy for a while her sex drive may increase because of use. so good luck to you for that . lol
i used one 10 years ago and i didnt like it. it was a vibrator, and it vibrated so hard i was still vibrating two days later. lol
i wanted to experience it out of curiosity. maybe she didnt know how you would feel about it. maybe her girlfriend bragged about how great it was to her.
my girlfriend talks about the removable shower head and how it gives her orgasms. so i want to buy that shower head.
if it doesnt bother you, you should talk to her to let her know. would you like to introduce toy into your sex life. try something different, it's just a toy!
In my opinion, If your wife has a bashful personality, you don't want to embarrass her. She won't open up if that happens.
However, if she's open and freaky, than bring it up when ever YOU feel comfortable. The more comfortable you fee the better you deliver your concern about her vibrator.
The goal is to make her feel comfortable, so she can discuss her secret. If you're down, use the vibrator during sex, if she wants to, or let her keep that special toy for her personal use only.
Another thing you have to consider, are you really pleasing her sexually?
As quiet as kept, I've been with my husband for 3 years and he doesn't please me sexually, but he doesn't know that. I can't hurt his feeling and/or pride in that manner.
I masturbate to release my own orgasm, and he doesn't know. I'm scared to put a strain on our perfect relationship, so i put my feeling to the side to please him 100%.
Is it fair for me? I think so, When I asked for those new expensive drapes, he paid for them when he didn't want to. Quietly, I hate his style of love making, and he hates buying me unnecessary decor around the house...tee hee
Its a give and take in my opinion. Look within your marriage and put things in perspective. You'll find the answer. I wish you the best nevertheless!
ok well give her time and maybe she will talk to you about it, i am a fan of vibrators i find them great for when my boyfriend isnt around and when he is around, its great for him to use it on me. if shes anything like me then she just wants to try new things, get intouch with the kinkyer and sexyer side of herself. vibrators are nothing to be threatened by. i find my boyfriend is alot better than a vibrator due to limeted positions etc. try talking to her about it and tell her your opinion on it and that your willing to support her choce and hey maybe you will get involved! its truly nothing to be embarassed about, its not like the worlds got to know