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Ready for baby at 14

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ok. im 13. me and my boyfriend is almost 2 years and we decided to lose our virginity together so we have sex. We did it very often and we have unprotected sex we dont use condom, instead we use pulled-out method.After a month i already felt something different in my body, morning sickness,backache,headache and i eat like a pig. So i take 3 HPT[home pregnancy test]. first it turns to be negative but i remain unconvince. after how many days i tried it again and really turn out to be positive also the third hpt. No one knows im pregnant even my parents because they are out of town and my aunt. I told my bf because we are both not ready for this. We decided to abortion, i take like 5 tablets of cortal and after a few weeks i my period came and i bleed i lot. i dont regret for not having the baby because me and my boyfriend are both young. Until now no one knows that i already got pregnant, me and bf kept the secret only for both of us and until now we are together and we love each other. PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP! we are deciding to have a baby again and to have it. but we are only 13 and 14 we are both ready for our decision. PLEASE i need your ADVICE. thanks
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replied October 30th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
First off, you both are not ready for this decision.
you are both children wanting to play house.
You do not have a clue in what you are wanting to get into.
You both cannot work, which means that you cannot provide for yourselves financially, so how will you two raise a child?
You both cannot drive yet, you dont have your own place, no savings..babysitting and chores is not going to cut it to raise a child positively and successfully.
You both dont even have a high school diploma, a very important document to have when getting a job/career.
How do you think you are ready?
There is more to having a child than loving him or her.
Parenting does not just come naturally, its not a second nature sort of deal where you pop out the baby and instantly you know what to do when to do it and how to do it.
And especially at 13 and 14, that is screaming out a failure..im sorry if that sounds rude, but really its the truth..

You both would not even raising this child you two want so badly yourselves! Mommy and daddy would be raising that baby financially and physically for you two, because they bring home an income, they put a roof over your heads, feed and cloth you and more.
What would you be providing for a baby, and what job would hire someone at 13 and 14 without diplomas?
The only job that pops into my head would be like.. a convience store stock boy or girl..that would not even get you diapers with the money you'd bring in a week.

I think the reason why you are wanting a child now, is because you aborted and are feeling guilty about that choice now.
But it was the choice you two wisely made at that time.
You two made that choice for a reason, and may i remind you what that reason was for? Because you two were not ready for this are are still young. Did you forget that?
What makes you think you are ready now, still at the ages of 13 and 14?
If you two got pregnant again at 13 and 14, your chances of staying together and making things work are really quite slim. I am sorry to have to tell you this, but a 14 year old boy does not really want to play house when there is much out there to experience.
He will probably end up leaving you for the next best thing, with or without a child. Because at 14 and 13 love is a fixation. Its cool to say "oh Smile We're in love" but does the love last? Rarely.
And especially when two people start having sex at young ages, it is less likely to work successfully.
Do you want to be a 13 year old single mother working like 3 jobs or more to raise your child? Or mooching off your parents so they raise your child successfully for you?
And if you two feel so ready to do this, I encourage you SHARE THIS WITH YOUR PARENTS. I am sure that they should know about this fantastic plan of the both of yours..i mean they will end up being main financial supporters of this child and the both of you, so they deserve a heads up..dont you think so?

The BEST advice i can give to you is wait.
You both are young your both just children.
You have forever to plan a child and bring that child into the world the right way.
And what that means is, finishing all schooling, graduating having a diploma in hand, going to college or university, getting a career started, saving a TON of money-it takes on average $120,000+ to raise a child successfully, getting your drivers licenses, getting your own place, getting your own car insurance, health insurance, paying rent or a mortage, providing everything for yourselves 100%. And when you do all those things, when you provide 100% for yourselves, then that means you are ready to have a child. Otherwise someone else will always be raising your children for you.

I think you need to talk about the abortion to your mother or both parents, because you obviously have bottled up and hidden emotions about how you feel after and about the abortion, and i really think that is why you think you are ready to have a child now.
I also suggest getting on birth control and using condoms with the birth control. Because pulling out is not a method as you have already discovered.

Your 13 hun, wait until you are fully ready and older to have a child. You do not know what you are wanting to get into.
And i do not say any of the things i did to offend or hurt you. Its the truth and you really need to hear it.

If you need to talk any time, PM me.
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replied October 30th, 2009
hi proud mommy i really appreciate your advice and it really means to me. but im so scared to tell that to my parents because i dont even know how to start, maybe they would kill me if they will know what just happened to me also my boyfriend's family.

:]

a bunch of thanks proud mommy.

my bf and i really appreciate it.
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replied October 30th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
your welcome hun,
but i have a question to ask you, and really think hard about this..

If you two feel so ready to be parents, why can't you tell your parents? If this feels like such a great idea and thing to do, why can't/couldn't/wouldn't you share this with your parents?

The reason why i am asking you this, is because if you were truely ready and prepared -with the list of things you should have done before having a child,-then there should be no reason not to tell them this.

But, because you cannot share this, it means you aren't ready, you know this is wrong, and you know your family would not approve of this idea.

I don't think your parents would kill you for what you did; i think they might take a little more caution into what you two do, but at 13 and 14 guess what, you need some structure and supervision or else well, you know what can and did happen.
But i think alot of weight would be lifted from your shoulders if you at least told your mother about what happened.

Im glad i could be of help to you both, and i really hope that you two wait until you are taking care of yourselves completely before you have a child.
Not only will it be much more rewarding to have waited and crossed a few things off your list, but it will be that much more special to do it on your own as a family.
Sometimes the waiting-although it is hard to do-is the best and most rewarding thing to do.
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replied October 30th, 2009
maybe were just making the wrong idea and decision to have a baby again. i really dont know what to do.but the thing is ,im thinking for it since i got an abortion. how could i tell my mom what just had happened to me?. i dont want to dissapoint her and also my father, i dont want to give them a problem just like this'.

and also i hate those people who are judging me behind my back.


thanks proud mommy. you are such a good adviser.
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replied October 30th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
i think its normal for girls your age to have that desire to have a child, but its such a shock to the system if you actually go through with that desire.

I definately think that you are wanting to have a baby now because of the abortion. And i dont think that's a bad thing to feel that way, i mean right now in a way your sort of grieving a loss, but that loss was a good choice at that time for your two, you both made a decision there.

Do you think that your parents would be more upset about you having been pregnant and aborted, or if they found out a few weeks from now that you are pregnant and wanting a baby with no real plan in hand?

I think that your parents would be more disappointed with you two if they found out that you are pregnant.

You said you dont want to give them a problem, but if you were to go through with a pregnany, dont you think that that would be more is a problem and situation that you would hand to them?

Honestly hun, being open and honest is the best way to talk to your mom. I found that out the hard way with my mom, and now, im 20 and im kicking myself for not being that open or close with my mom years ago.
My mom and i are close now, we share practically everything with each other.
I learnt as i got older, that you can always tell your mom anything, and at the end of the day, she will still have your back.
Just talk it out with her one day. I think that its really important that you get out how you feel about having gone through with an abortion, because that is a really big thing for a 13 year old to have to deal with alone. I think your feeling guilty for the choice that you made, and now your thinking that if you get pregnant again it will make up for that guilty feeling.
I have never had an abortion, so i don't know completely how you are feeling, but everyone makes choices for a reason; and so did you. You made that choice for a reason.
So think about that reason, even though maybe you would have done things differently-perhaps going for adoption instead- the choice you made was the right and wise one at that time, because you knew you two being young unprepared etc. were not ready to be parents.

As for the people talking behind your backs..
If you were to get pregnant at 13, they would still talk hun.
There are always going to be people out there who talk about someone else. It will happen in schools, in jobs, in stores...everywhere and anywhere.
The key is to not value someone else's opinion of you or how you do something, and just remember who you are.
Because only you know who you truely are. What anyone else says is just an opinion, and nothing more.

and thanks again hun, remember anytime you need to talk PM me.
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replied October 30th, 2009
ok. i will try my very best to share it to her and to her tell how much sorry i am for being irresponsible. you just understand me proud mommy maybe i just felt guilty for the decision we made before. you know everytime i saw babies sometimes i was thinking did i made the right decision for not having my baby? sometimes i just cried to myself.

im so thankful you are there proudmommy
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replied October 31st, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
Everyone makes mistakes hun, no one can live a mistake free life.
And just so you know, the fetus was probably very very small with no heart beat yet.
would you have kept the baby or put it for adoption had you continued to stay pregnant?
and if you would keep it, how would you successfully raise the child?

I feel very sad for you to have to keep this as a secret right now, because this is a huge issue as i said before. The best advice i can now give you for when you talk with your mom, is do not turn this into a heated argument.
Your mother will probably have some words with you, she may indeed get angred by what she hears, but this is not the time for a typical pre-teen fighting match against parents. You need to just keep an open ear, understand where your mothers anger is coming from.
She probably had the thought in her head that you would use protection if you had sex, or thought her little girl would never have sex young, and is not kicking herself for not being more cautious.

It's going to be ok hun, you just need to get the feelings out.
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replied October 31st, 2009
ok. i understand proud mommy.. if i could just continue my pregnancy maybe i will choose for the right option. have an ADOPTION or maybe going to keep the baby but my age is way too young to be a mother and i dont know what are the sequences that will come.


yeah. i know my mother will freak out if she knows it. she really expects so much from me especially my father.

its been 3 months after the abortion. wish me luck that my mother would understand me.

i will call her and try do explain it calmly to her.

i will post a message if everything is alright already.

you know the pain and the emotions ,if you will have a secret and keep it to yourself. its really hurts.

SO THIS TIME I WILL FACE EVERYTHING. AND FIX IT.

thanks
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replied November 9th, 2009
Experienced User
so after aborting the 1st pregnancy you want another one??

you need to talk to your parents or someone needs to call social services on them for obviously not being around to keep their young child out of trouble.

the drugs you took are not to be messed with lightly. even a dr. that does abortions will tell you to wait 6 months before trying for another one.

quit trying to grow up so fast if you cant handle the responsibility or pressure. go get a dog
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replied November 9th, 2009
im sorry, but are you insane? you are willing to give up everything you have worked for your whole life for a child you will probably throw in a corner like a rag doll in a few weeks? I know im 14 and i go through fads too. you see bad role models like Jamie lynn spears and angelina Jolie and you think its cool to be pregnant. well take it from someone who knows, its not cool. your back hurts so much and your throwing up all the time.

Look back to your 4 year old self. Think about what you wanted to be when you grew up. a doctor? a lawyer? I know that since i was a little girl i had always wanted to be an olympic gymnast. and i had been working toward that my whole life. and then something happened at a party, and now im pregnant with twin girls, and that dream may never be realized. so look back to your younger self. what do you think she would say if she knew you were throwing away her dream for a stupid fad.

Your hormones are ruling you right now. your not thinking straight and you are probably just really confused on what you want. with all your troubles in life, school, friends, guys, family, why add one more if you can help it. you need to be able to live your childhood out. you dont want to have to make big decisions anymore, because really who does? so take 2 steps back, think about it some more, come clean to your parents, then re evaluate.
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replied November 9th, 2009
Experienced User
i agree with the jaime lynn spears part but whats wrong with angelina jolie???? shes married and even when she wasnt she could take care of her OWN children not get mommy and daddy to.
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replied November 9th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
ummm...
i have talked to this girl, and she has decided against getting pregnant now at 14 years of age.
we talked about why she wants a baby now so badly, and we have both come to the conclusion that it is because of the fact that she had an abortion and is not feeling guilty for doing so.
i talked to her for quite some time, and she has decided to share that info with her parents, and not get pregnant now. hopefully she seeks out help from a counsellor as to how she is feeling from aborting.
It must have been alot to go through..hiding an abortion from family..that couldn't have been an easy thing for a 14 yr old to have gone through.

and i think the thing with angelina..i think the reason why she said shes a bad role model, is not because she can take care of her own kids, but because she pops out one after the other making it seem like no big deal to those who are younger and wanting, trying planning to have kids. they see angie poping out twins adopting etc. and they think it isnt as hard as people say..just thinking out loud..
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replied November 10th, 2009
Experienced User
ProudMommyof2008 wrote:
ummm...
i have talked to this girl, and she has decided against getting pregnant now at 14 years of age.
we talked about why she wants a baby now so badly, and we have both come to the conclusion that it is because of the fact that she had an abortion and is not feeling guilty for doing so.
i talked to her for quite some time, and she has decided to share that info with her parents, and not get pregnant now. hopefully she seeks out help from a counsellor as to how she is feeling from aborting.
It must have been alot to go through..hiding an abortion from family..that couldn't have been an easy thing for a 14 yr old to have gone through.

and i think the thing with angelina..i think the reason why she said shes a bad role model, is not because she can take care of her own kids, but because she pops out one after the other making it seem like no big deal to those who are younger and wanting, trying planning to have kids. they see angie poping out twins adopting etc. and they think it isnt as hard as people say..just thinking out loud..




i see where your coming from....i didnt look at it from that angle thx [ =
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replied November 11th, 2009
i really apreciate your comments and opinions. ive already talked to my parents about this. my parents are both upset and angry to me that day. they also talked to the family of my boyfriend.after those miserable weeks[because they grounded me]and im very very thankful that the both sides of my family and my bf's family are both okay about what happened but they still cant accept that i got an abortion. now my parents keep on reminding me to know my responsibilities and to control myself.

my bf and i are okay now but we still doing our sequences now.

thanks for everything;]
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