Medical Questions > Mens Health > Erectile Dysfunction Forum

Reaction to new onset ED

Must Read
10% of men experience erectile dyfunction. When does a penis become erect? And what is ED? Start here for ED basics....
Can other medical conditions causes erection problems? Here we review the many potential causes of erectile dysfunction. ...
If you can't achieve an erection or control ejaculation, you might have Erectile Dysfunction. But what primary ED symptoms should you look for?...
I've been with my 31 yr old boyfriend for 1 1/2 yrs and he's developed a new onset ED.
History - Great health, no meds. Bf is under stress due to a new job and career change and I've been unemployeed for 3 months. We are soul mates, 100% compatible and laugh all of the time. Very much in love. I have difficulty speaking about sexual matters but he hasn't up to this point.
Symptoms - Decreased interest in sex and affection, He starts off with a good erection but is going soft during intercourse and loses all interest in all activities (which leaves me unfulfilled also). The first itme this occured; I was supportive but gave him space until we talked about it in the a.m. He said he was attracted to me and it wasn't me in other ways either. (no one else involved in this senario) I just asked him to think about what may be affecting him. During our a.m. discussion he said maybe we need to mix things up a bit. That same day we had great completed sex, however, three days later it happened again. I was supportive and said it was probably just stress. It's now been a week without any sexual attempts (normal encounters every 3 days) .
Both times he said slight things (how I kissed wrong, changing positions, or blaming me because I couldn't put or keep it in) blaming me for his lack of function. I'm lost and don't know how to react except to reasure him. This is the 1st time in his life that he has had a sexual problem.
Please - any advise on how to approach or not and just let time correct this situation? Do I back off and not approach him sexually or give him time or try and stimulate him more? I've asked what he needs but he doesn't seem to know. I think he has just lost his confidence and is afraid to start anything so he is staying away from touch which is very lonely for both. Any advise is very welcomed. I just dont want to make a big deal out of it, however want to be supportive.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied February 23rd, 2010
Hi there. Thank you for using Ehealthforum and for posting a question. I think you hit the nail on the head there in your 2nd last sentence. Your boyfriend has developed performance anxiety and is therefore steering clear of sex with you for fear of failure. This is a common and invidious problem for which there are many solutions.

Perhaps the easiest solution for now would be for him to ask his GP for a prescription for Cialis 20mg. This will quickly have him firing on all cylinders again and his confidence will return and he should be able to put this behind him.He should also be checked for diabetes but that is a very long shot.

Another approach is for you to be on top with him being absolutely passive and not being asked to do anything but Cialis is a quicker solution. Use that sense of humour you both have as well. It can be a great help!


|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 23rd, 2010
Community Volunteer
I am not a sex expert, but I believe that a man is under far more stress when having sex than we women realize...He must get an erection...He must perform...He must answer our call when we women are ready....I have been married for 51 years...We are still hot...However, along the line I have had to learn what, where and when as far as the performance of a man...I believe sometimes that speaking about this to him can only make it worse...Praising is worth it's weight in gold...Take care...

Caroline

May I add that my husband does not use any artificial means for his erections...Just me...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 23rd, 2010
Supporter
Although this may be real stressful on you right now try not to put anymore stress on him than needed. Ed is not a easy topic for most mean to talk about. Give a little space on the topic and let him make the first move. Let him know that no matter what is going on in his life he can depend on you. If the problem does not go away soon there is always Cialis or vyagra. Having to take this to help with his erection is not a hit on his manhood. You may have to help him understand that. Just keep being supportive i'm sure with love, patients, and understanding everything can work out.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
DISCLAIMER: "Ask a Doctor" questions are answered by certified physicians and other medical professionals. For more information about experts participating in the "Ask a Doctor" Network, please visit our medical experts page. You may also visit our Erectile Dysfunction , for moderated patient to patient support and information.

The information provided on eHealth Forum is designed to improve, not replace, the relationship between a patient and his/her own physician. Personal consultation(s) with a qualified medical professional is the proper means for diagnosing any medical condition.