First off, I have mild Aspergers (high-functioning autism, where you're not trapped in your own head) and it's really hard for me to understand how to work social situations. I'm pretty socially retarded actually (though academically gifted). Although while I present every symptom of Aspergers, the one variation would be that I actually have a very high level of empathy (much too high, in my opinion).



Right now I'm working at quitting the oxycodone (been taking both Oxycontins and Percocets for over 2 years now). Even though I'm in huge amounts of pain every day, I've realized that oxy has made me a slave to it; that it's effectiveness becomes pathetically low after a very short time - and I can't keep upping it indefinitely - and to control the pain, no matter how many times I say I won't do this, I end up taking way more than my prescribed daily dose because only that mega-dose truly controls it. Then I spend 2 weeks surviving off what bits of tramadol I have because my next refill is 2 weeks away, go through all the withdrawal *heck* (censoring issues, *rolleyes*), and repeat the cycle upon next refill. So screw it, I'm done with this stuff that's brought me more suffering than anything else.



Right now I'm taking 300mg tramadol and 15mg oxycodone per day, whereas my normal daily dose of oxy that I'm used to would be 110mg per day. I'm trying to get through this, be free of this enslaving drug, but I feel like it's so hard to do all alone. The only people I know here (Vancouver) are my sister and her husband who I live with, but when I mention how I'm feeling they just kind of "Uh huh, well keep at it, you're doing good".



The loneliness of this painful experience is killing me. I really really wish I had someone to talk to, that someone would at least just hang out with me and watch a movie or something. Normally I'm a very recluse guy, but during withdrawal I wish more than anything that someone would give me a hug once in a while and actually hang out with me; not make me face this all alone where I'm emotionally falling apart.



The only viable person would be my sister (Since I don't know anybody in town). How could I communicate this to her? How could I actually get her (or by some miracle someone else maybe) to just stay with me through it? The ironic thing is that because of my reclusive nature, they all give me even more space during this trial because seclusion is usually how I deal with my stresses. Not this though.... So what do I say?


I just can't do this alone; I feel like my emotions are going to overwhelm me to the breaking point.