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Posted: 03-26-08 21:02pm


I am so sorry that you are going through all this. I am crying reading your story, because I have been there, and I just cant believe all the crap that I put my mother through. Keep going to the al anon, they will help. As for your daughter, all you can do is be there for her. I am so sorry you are going through this. You and your family are in my prayers.

a sad mom

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scared with you Posted: 03-28-08 08:46am


Hi, I am scared with you regarding the gas can and the cigaret smoking? What is she thinking? I guess they DON'T think do they? You know, we can only do what WE can do. Your husband is not Julie's dad, I take it? At least to me, sounds like he must be the step dad, because if he is the dad and he only still is thinking of sex with you and getting pissed, that seems really strange to me. Some men, however, need that sexual release when they are under alot of tension and stress, so maybe that is why he is still wanting it? it is understandable you DO NOT right now. I would be down, just as you are, and I am down. I have lost several pounds since mid March when I found out about my kid...and continue to loose weight cause of the stress. he hates my guts, and says all kinds of "F" words to me. I can't do anything that will make him happy and I think he feels I owe him. He accuses me of things that are not at all true. It is heartbreaking. I found out he told off his counselor at the appt. he had. his first appt. He has a real anger problem. I worry because I wonder, will he live or die? I just want to wrap my arms around him, but he would never let me. Have you gone to any of the Narc. meetings yet? Those might help you alot emotionally...your husband should attend with you. You are in my thoughts.

bbfeet9

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To Sad Mom Posted: 03-28-08 16:27pm


Ya know, i really looked into myself the last few days. I came to a decision that have made some of my friends and fam sort of scratch their heads. I have to detatch myself a little from this whole drug situation. I can not chase Julie. I can't punish her to her room any more. I can't take away the car keys. I can't do any thing to her or for her any more. I am her mom. I will always be that. I love her dearly and always will. But....this miserable rotten life style of hers is taking it's tole on me. I am moody, nasty, i will argue at the drop of a hat. I don't cook so much anymore, which i so love to do. I snap at everyone. I have constant headaches, heart palpitations and stomach aches. I pace, i shake and i am so out of focus. I drove right past my street yesterday. When i realized where i was, 5 miles farther west, i pulled into a store parking lot and just cried my eyes out. With my head resting on the steering wheel i fell apart. A nice lady tapped on the window to see if i was okay. She asked me if there was someone she could call for me. I have to step back, way back. She is killing me now. Hopefully, God will hold her in his arms. I can't any more. I am turning into a shrew. I looked into the mirror and saw a worn out shell. My eyes used to sparkle, now they look tired and sad. I counted some more lines on my face, every one telling it's own sad story. I have aged so much in the last year, and not gracefully. Please don't think bad of my decisions. I can't fix her anymore.

Galaxy

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Posted: 03-28-08 18:18pm


Ok, I am with you on this. You have to do whatever it takes to keep yourself strong, and if that means distancing yourself, then that's what you do. You have a little grandson to think about. From what I understand, you are caring for him. Julie has had a chance at life and she can make her own decisions now. Your grandson has not had the chances that she had. I think you need to focus on him now. You can't put his life on hold while you wait for her to return. And you have to get on with your own life, too. People need you - you have a husband, and other family to think about. You would be no use to them or to Julie if you continued let your life slip out of control. You are doing the right thing and I think it is a very brave decision that you have made. You expect people to 'think bad' of you - but I don't think they will. I know many people are reading your posts and are concerned about you and your daughter, as I am. It could happen to any one of us. Thanks for keeping us updated.

marvin5

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sorry Posted: 03-29-08 18:38pm


Man, sorry to hear. she is in a really bad way,. keep praying. sometimes a parent needs to just back away, and take care of themselves. We can't do it for them. I understand your worry and your conviction to help her. She does not, though. She is really strung out. Keep us posted. I am hoping that she gets into a treatment program. Many counties do offer some free programs for people whose insurance does not cover in patient treatment. I do not know if she is ready yet, from what you describe. My heart breaks for you and the other parents who are dealing with all of this.

bbfeet9

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Posted: 03-31-08 12:39pm


You are right. She is not ready. It has been days since i have heard from her, but thru mutual acquantances i know she is still on the move. But knowing she is still on the move does not make me feel any better. I have not called her nor texted her in days. I am really having a hard time staying out of touch with her. I realize she has got to do her thing. By me trying to fix her and her problems i am destroying myself and the rest of the family. You all have such kind words and i appreciate all of you. As far as a treatment program, been there done that...out. The first time lasted 2 days after a 3 day detox, the second one lasted for 7 days all of which were detoxing. Idk... Thank you all and i will keep everyone informed.

gantor

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Joined: 04 Jun 2008
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Drug addiction & Rehab Posted: 06-04-08 14:12pm


I feel for your predecament Because I am in the same situation. Although, my son seems to have hit the'bottom', detoxed and spent a month in a rehab center. Your daughter will one day want to kick the habit on her own or the court will commit her to a rehab center such as Delancey Street, that would be the best thing that can happen to her. If you decide to send her to a rehab center, please be careful in choosing a place. I will tell you the lessons I learned: Learning about a loved one’s addiction is almost like facing an untimely death in the family. First, we are in shock then, we scramble to find a way to manage the situation. In the case of death, it is the funeral arrangements. Most of us have no idea what kind of help is out there and so we turn to our reliable friend, the Internet. When we do a Google search, there appears a mind boggling number and variety of sites available with all sorts of claims! All are with perfectly laundered testimonials! You never read one negative comment about any of them! So we assume they are good places and hurriedly pay up our hard earned money to enroll our loved one in the program…. much like the funeral arrangements. We pick a funeral home and like a robot, agree to whatever service the funeral director recommends, wanting to do the best for our loved one. Only later on we come to find all the problems with these funeral homes and the treatment centers. The Internet serves as an advertising tool for these centers, but wouldn’t it be nice if the other side of the story is told side by side? Ask all the questions before making your decision. Be weary of institutions which have a “no refund” policy. Because there are plenty of others who will refund prorate, a better choice. Some institutions will let you pay month by month, sort of a 'pay as you go'. This way you do not have to pay a large lump sum and your money is safe. Ask about the consequences if the client breaches one of their ‘policies’. If they say that they will be thrown out automatically, steer clear of this one. Drug abusers need help because they make mistakes. If they are thrown out because they made one, they are not being helped in their recovery. And if they keep the balance of the money, a princely sum of $15,000 to $30,000 it is obvious that these people are not in it to care for their clients. Their main interest is the bottom line. Also find out if they provide regular feed back on the client’s progress. Without that, you might get a call one day like I did, saying, “I have bad news for you, your son was dropped off at the airport because he violated one of our policies”. That was the only call I got in 5 weeks! Is the program medically based? This is important because a staff that is not knowledgeable can create a life and death situation as this incident illustrates: A client was placed in a room with fluorescent lights. The man had a history of epilepsy and he promptly had seizures. Fortunately for him, his neighbors heard some strange noise and came to his aid. Finally, think twice about choosing a foreign country, even if it is Canada. People with drug / alcohol dependency are already in a fragile state of mind, the last thing they need is to have to deal with Anti-American sentiment.