How come this is so hard? i'm a 35yr old woman, you'd think i'd know my sexual orientation right? - wrong.....I need help and advice please.
I've been in a loving relationship with a man for 13 years, but now i come to think of it there have been a few little things that have baffled me during those years.
I fell in love with a woman a year a go, and have since been Questioning. I remember falling in love with a girl age 14, and my mum telling me that i shouldn't do that, and thats the reason for my being bullied at school, she also said that there was something 'wrong' with the girl i fell in love with (it was mutual). Somehow I had forgotten this....until last year. It explains a few things for me, i think i've been living with internalised homophobia for many years.
I think i'm gay... bisexual just isn't feeling right in my heart....but how can i know i'm gay when i've been straight for so long? and how can i be gay when i love and even enjoy sex with my partner?
The crunch of the problem is i'm not sure if i want to break up my relationship - but I'm pretty sure that being gay is my more natural tendency. Is it possible to sustain a happy, loving, sexual relationship under the circumstances, or is it best for both of us that I end the relationship?
I love him, and myself, i want what is best for us both, but just don't know what is for the best - if anyone one has any advice/similar experiences. I would really appreciate it.
From the sounds of it, you technically weren't 'straight', but you were instead pretending to be straight.
I know that discovering you may not be straight can be a difficult journey, especially when you were discouraged at such a young age by your support system. I've been openly gay since I was 16, and I was unsure about it for a while. It's not something that you can make your mind up in just mere minutes. It is something you are going to have to be positive about, especially at this in your life.
I do want to share a little advice with you, though. Whomever you lust for, it does not mean that is the gender you have to fall in love with. Love and lust do not share the same boundaries, they are, indeed, two separate worlds. You sound like you genuinely love your husband, and, therefore, you are going to enjoy sex with him. You're going to enjoy everything with him. You find pleasure in pleasing the ones you are madly in love with. That is why love exists. It weeds out the selfishness in us, and it shows us that we can truly put someone before ourselves.
Now, if you fell in love with a woman most recently, I cannot tell you whom you should stay with. You can love more than one person, but you only have one soulmate. You have to determine whom that is, just be cautious that you are thinking with your heart rather than your head or lust. Ask yourself, "Was my husband just a placeholder, or was he actually the real one for me?" When you can answer that, I think your decision will be quite clear.