This afternoon was my first visit with the psych.
Ill admit I had myself worked up.. I wasnt sure what to expect or what it would be like.
But she was very nice.. I kinda feel a bit guilty even though I know I shouldnt.. because I cryed about three times, and I felt like I was seeming a bit needy.But I suppose I really did need to talk to someone and I feel much better to have got some stuff off my chest.
I am frustrated though because I feel like i am having to explain all this stuf to people and I am just repeating myself.
I am not used to talking to people at all.. I dont like to be open about my emotions.. and I guess I need to work on that.
I have been through the whole process of teaching myself mental coping methods before.. without using a psych.. and I did get better.
It does make me frustrated and a bit disapionted because I kinda feel like i let myself down.
But the upside is I do have the tools to deal with the problem and I do understand how to use them.
I guess I feel like thats not enough.. I want to talk to the psych for my own personal reflection.. because I have lost most of my friends right now and I havent got an outlet.
More than that I want to figure out why I got like this.
I know I have the informatin in my head and i want to understand why I got so unrealistic about food.. but I feel like I cant see something.. like I am blocking out a little very important piece of info.. and I just want to know why on earth I ended up with this problem.Why did I get it and not the other person.I feel like i dont deserve this but its here.. and I need to know a reason why.
Its just like when someone punches you in the arm and its going to leave a mark.. the only way you can except it is by understanding why it happened in the first place.