Medical Questions > Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum

Pushing 30, alone and bitter

Hello,

Never thought I'd do this, but I hope you all don't mind me venting a bit. Bottom line - I am pushing 30 and never had a girlfriend. It's kinda funny, after all these years alone, I am not exactly pining for anyone, but I just can't feel a kick in the balls each time I see someone getting married or in a relationship.

One thought was always that I never had a "right place right time" moment with someone. A degree of bitterness happens when I hear how someone "met through a friend" or "met at work" and all, but not this guy. The world is moving on leaving me behind. I have no problem in the bar scene, but I really don't feel a connection when I meet someone there. I don't know, but I always thought there would be at least this one moment in my life that the stars would line up, but that crap is for the movies. There was only one girl that I was crazy for, but I didn't have the testicular fortitude to ask her out. She just got married. And I am posting on the internet.

I am not really looking for comfort, but I am looking for people in my circumstance so I know I am not the most pathetic person alive.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper empuyuyo
|

User Profile
replied May 22nd, 2010
i'm the same, comeing to 28 in a week and a bit i'm bitter about it
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 10th, 2010
ok im 29 and have never had a girlfriend. kissed 2 girls in my life and only sexual experience was 'paid for'. also feel a sense of anger and frustration. feel at a loss in bars as never know how to initiate convo. also with music often being so loud i feel drowned out. which is why i go to salsa classes and volunteer as i feel i am doing something positive with my life.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 12th, 2010
You are not alone my Friend!!!
27, and exactly same as you...never had a girlfriend..Not because I did not try, but no girl seems to like me..I am professionally successful, have a job, earn enough but now my social life is starting to get screwed up..my friends are always talking of their GF's & relationships and I always feel being left out. Some have started commenting on my 'single' staus - as a man who can not to anything in life. How should I explain them - look at my academics, look at my success stories at job & look at what I had achieved when I was at your age - but for them, having a Girl is everything.

Somehow, I am losing hope. and feel I am never going to get anyone.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 24th, 2010
33 and still nothing. It just seems that every single girl I have ever had interest in are somehow unavailable. I am not picky either. I just go for average girls whom I find somewhat attractive. The only dating experience I had in all 33 years of my life was a few months ago with a girl from work but it wasn't the type of normal, healthy relationship that I want. It was like a rebound thing for her (her bf of several years cheated on her and they split, but now she is thinking about going back to him)and she didn't even want people to know that we were going out. At first I went with it because I was just dying to get something but later I realize that it is not what I want. It ended after 2 months and now I am back to nothing. Maybe I should just accept the fact that I'll be single forever and give up and save myself some heartache. At least I have 2 months of good memory.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 30th, 2010
Experienced User
Maybe if you weren't all so depressed and bitter someone might want to spend time around you. People don't want some to drag them down. They want someone to lift them up. Talk to someone you don't kknow, start exercising to get your chemicals more balanced and to look and feel better. Above all be pproactive and don't just feel sorry for yourself. You can be proactive without being creepy. I'm sure this doesn't apply to all of you but to those it does, just stop being so creepy. Just act normal. I've got issues and I still get laid by some very attractive woman. There is hope for you if you don't just throw in the towel and say it isn't going to happen. The opposite sex subconsciously recognizes confidence so if you don't have it fake it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 30th, 2010
hear my case!
Hi angryanddistracted,

I appreciate your advice...but trust me, these things have been told to me over 1000 times. I am pretty confident, well travelled, have many friends who are girls, but honestly, I do not get girls to lay with..I am sure this might be the case with others as well. I am actively searching girls since a long time...have even approached girls..but I always get a same reply - "I am not their type, and will get someone for me".

May be all you need is luck.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 31st, 2010
This is a response to the OP really, but have you ever thought that maybe you're setting your sights too high? What I mean by that is that it's not all about 'what's in the movies' Real love doesn't work like that.

I'm also not saying that you shouldn't have standards, but you have to remember that you are never going to find a female 'you'. Make a list of all of the things you want in a woman: what is a dealbreaker (i.e. she mustn't have kids already, mustn't smoke, must want settle down), what is desirable (must have similar interests, or not as the case may be) and what is negotiable (silly things which won't break the magic i.e. sleeps on the side of the bed you prefer)

When you meet someone, start with the dealbreakers rather than the negotiable things. Because these things are usually incredibly personal, you'll have to get to know her first before you can discover the answers. This phase is the fun bit, where you have no expectations, and you can concentrate on getting to know each other. If she mentions that she sleeps on the left hand side of the bed, and you do too, file that away for when you are actually in a relationship and it will seem trivial.

Also - there is no such thing as 'my type'. If someone says they have a 'type' then you need to move on.

Good luck x
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 15th, 2010
There is a type !
Thanks Veebs..That was an encouraging reply. I appriciate it.

But when you say there is no 'my type' - I think thats not completely correct. especially if you are just 5'5" like me. For all the good that you have, you enter into 'just a friend' zone and height becomes the most important factor. And the answer that comes out is: "you are not my type". :)Its cruel, but a fact..atleast in this part of Europe where I am located.

But thanks again for your reply. It was useful.

Nik
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 25th, 2011
Actually my friend, I am 32 and have a lot of experience dating and having girlfriends. Size (In all the metaphors you want) does not matter. Theres i one thing and one thing alone that gets girls interested from the beginnning. Your confidence (Not cokiness, but confidence). Be sure of what you want and be sure to express to her what you like about her (without being creepy). It is true what they say that once you get that 1st date (she already likes you). It is your job not to screw it up. Rejection is a given. All you have to do is try and try again. Everybody gets rejected (a lot) do not feel bad about it. Just know what you want and show genuine interest in her/him. The "friend zone" sucks, so when you are puching thirty do not runaround and make things clear that you like her/him. Getting in that first date is all you need. So be confident and never think of yourslef as less or her/him as more. In the end both of you is looking to meet someone either for sex or a relationship.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank empuyuyo for this post: SadTurtle 

replied April 4th, 2011
What region do you live in? Because different regions have different quality people.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 9th, 2011
I am also a 30 yr old male and i'm still a virgin. I will admit that although my confidence with people in general is not bad and im pretty funny from what I have observed I am not seen as anything any female would ever desire in a man. I am not so blind that I'll say Im not bad looking. I am simply just not a good looking man and have started to accept that I will more then likely never have sex, fall in love, kiss a woman, or even go on a simple date. Sometimes I feel empty and depressed, worthless even. I have developed what I know is an unfair hatred of women but I can't help but see them as wicked, shallow, and cruel creatures after 3 decades of being alone.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 9th, 2011
I am 30, single, and feeling that exact same way, about Illinois women. And not only do I see Illinois women as wicked, shallow, and cruel creatures, but I see them as even worse than shallow in the sense that, for them, the physical appearance/handsomeness of a man is totally no good if the man is not rich and/or does not look like her favorite movie star; when Illinois women look for guys, the only thing they ever look for is money. Literally, one could be 6 feet tall, 125 pounds, smelling like pine cones, and still no Illinois woman would ever touch him with a 50 foot pipe because he is not super rich. Having said that, I also notice that Illinois women also are getting married absolutely no later than 21 years old, and more and more Illinoisans are even getting married as young as 18. I have been hurt and shoved away so many times by Illinois women that not only do I look upon Illinois women as selfish, wicked, cruel, and money seeking animals, but I now walk in big wide circles around Illinois women when I pass them by, and especially in DuPage County, Illinois, where my circles around those DuPage women are sometimes in excess of 25 feet in radius. To me, women in Chicago's collar county area (DuPage, Lake, Will, McHenry counties) are like wild rabbits, and society itself in Chicago's collar county area is like the type of cat that growls and hisses in a repetitive pattern when you approach it. To me, the personalities of Chicagoland women are like a rotted, runny, and moldy banana with a greasy black peel. And to hurt me even more, society itself in Chicagoland even loves to pretend that any man who has trouble hooking up with *cheerleaders* in DuPage County or any other part of Chicagoland automatically belongs in the chair. And truthfully, I have long accepted the fact that I will not have any sex or intimacy, fall in love, kiss or stroke a woman, or go out on any more dates until I first move to Florida.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 30th, 2011
i perceive men as the same way-- after being alone and single my whole life and only abused by every male that crosses my path-- i hate them with a passion....its sad but thats how it ends up being in a situation like that
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 30th, 2011
yes im 33 a beautiful woman..nice cool and friendly and cant meet a guy-- men show disdain and hatred towards me and nothing else...and yes bitter as hell...oh yeah all the normal good things happen for everyone except ME of course...!**@! of course...so it'll never happen for me-- trust me..im cursed...so when it happens for me ...i'll be 70 and about to die and that's about it...but i have to sit back and witness everyone else get married live normal fun lives...while i suffer in loneliness and hell...maybe one day i'll come back as one of those 'normal lucky people' with relationships and a life...doubt it though...the worst thing is.. i can meet a desperate lonely guy-- who STILL will not be interested in me...esp the guys who say "why do girls always want the bad guys and not the nice ones" then they meet me, a girl who wants a sweet guy-- and they STILL reject me...but theyre chasing a psychopath mean b*tch who wants to use them...guys are into every other girl except me but im available gorgeous and a great person...but theyre in love with some nutjob who is crazy or a cheater or bossy...it doesn't make sense...so im one of those 'guys' who sits around saying.. i cant meet a girl, women dont like me...except im a girl and...yes it happens for girls but usually women are the ones with the power...just not really hot women who stupid males these days hate for some reason
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 31st, 2011
Experienced User
NIKG: I saw your post and had to reply. I too am short, barely 5'6". There are three things I noticed women want. The first and most important one is confidence. They want a guy that can take charge. Secondly, they generally want a guy as tall or taller than them. Especially when they are younger. As they age I think they figure out a smart short guy beats out a tall dumb guy but of course some never get it. You don't want a shallow women anyway so forget about them. The third thing they are after is of course, earning potential.

The best thing you can do is, get a good job and education and exercise and take care of yourself. Learn to dress well. Find ways to talk and listen well. Being short does have a tendancy to close many doors. You may want to look outside of the white race as the Asians and Hispanics are shorter. I met my spouse at age 27 but even being short, I had quite a few women hit on me thru the years.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 1st, 2013
30 alone depressed etc, sign me up thats me. All i can say is that love and even relationships are not all they are cracked up to be, most people simply end up with someone because well they needed the support a relationship offers financial emotional etc.

I've been alone most of my life and now i look back im deeply sad because i wasn't that bad looking but my lack of confidence led to me wasting the best years of my life.

Thanks too all those who bullied me when i was young, thank you, you f**king ruined my life.

I don't have anything positive to add here, the way i see life is that people screw each other over to survive and succeed. If you are weak and there is noone around you who can help you to overcome your weaknesses or give you a good example then life will eat you up for breakfast.

In my youth i was a successful athlete but instead of this bringing me popularity all it brought me was scorn and jealousy so i retreated from succeeding, i hated the attention and mockery it lead too. God i wish someone had been there to say f**k them keep going never give up.

Now success of any kind now matter how trivial is praised, sad really. Yes i know it sounds petty and bitter. But when you waste your life that's how you end up.

When i was young all that ever concerned me was how other people saw me i desperately wanted to be liked i was deeply altruistic i would do anything for people i thought this was the surest way to win their affection, in fact its the surest way to ruin your life.

People simply use you, there is nothing noble in the sentiments of others, as a rule people are almost always sycophantic shallow and greedy.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 19th, 2013
30 and single
I just wanted to reach out to all of the people who have expressed anguish here about being alone. I was in a relationship for 8.5 years with somebody I still care about but know I will never end up with. I could look at it like I "wasted" those years, or I could look at it as a learning experience. Now I am 30 and alone and I am happier than I have ever been. Many people undervalue the sense of independence that comes from being ON YOUR OWN.

Everything we go through helps to shape the person we become. The point I am trying to make is just to hang in there (as cliche as that sounds). Concentrate on ENJOYING life. Try things you have been afraid of in the past. Focus on becoming that IDEAL VERSION of yourself. Do everything you can to get yourself to that. Take a cooking class, go sky-diving, learn to play guitar. Find skills and hobbies that fulfill you and you will find that people naturally gravitate towards you because you will have that SPARK that so many people lack.

All the best to you in your searches for love. I leave you with the words to a song that is near and dear to my heart.
~~~

True love will find you in the end
You'll find out just who was your friend
Don't be sad, I know you will,
But dont give up until
True love will find you in the end
This is a promise with a catch
Only if you're looking can it find you
Cause true love is searching too
But how can it recognize you
Unless you step out into the light?
Don't be sad i know you will
But dont give up until
True love finds you in the end.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Tags: alive, hear
Quick Reply