That's very true. Thanks for the advice.
I'm nervous every time I walk into church. I'm nervous that I'm going to get "found out" or that I'll need to cut or something... It's overwhelming. I'm constantly lying to cover up my scars and cuts.
Ultimately, it's my fault. I'm the one who has let my life go way-ward. This time last year I was a hard-core Christian; willing to do whatever it took to do what God wanted. Now, I just don't know!

Cutters Creed

A creed the distinctive mark of those who hold a given belief,
A cutters Creed—those who are in pain looking for some form of relief
An addiction that runs through the mind that the pain inflicted will over ride life’s

What happens then when the blade slips when the life blood flows steadily instead of seeps?
What happens to all those promises and all those wanting dreams?
Where will you be when the life runs thin the blades gone too deep?

Do you care that family and friends will hurt, that life becomes a question for them Instead of comfort
Do you know that they will take blame for the pain that brought you to this defeat
Can you care to not lay all of this at their feet?

Have you ever seen a lifeless form where the skin is blue and cold
Where all the misery of the cutting blade now shows up etched quite bold
It doesn’t matter that you did not plan to cut so deep

It doesn’t matter that you wish you had listened and gone to bed fast asleep
What matters is you didn’t and now the cut went past repair
Will you wake up on the morrow dreaming this in despair?

Cutters Creed is a dangerous life one slice laughingly glee
Borrowed time and promises make up you’ll see
Life’s lessons of caring about oneself where pain of cutting will flee..

Take a promise with yourself giving one day at a time, follow the path of Self friendship where here you will see
a past cutters dilemma God almighty has set free..

Kd 6/09

Wow. That's quite profound. Thanks.

Glad you understood it..To me this poem is about several of you I have talked with..You each have so much to give all talented all in apin..

Now that you have read this I will be sharing it on the cutters forum..kd

Yes, I read it and also commented in the self-injury forum as well.
Thanks again.

Oh my goodness! your 5' 6" and 120 pounds!!! That is great!!!! You are actually underweight according to the charts. Your crazy if you think you need to loose an ounce! I weight 127 and I am 5' 6" and everyone tells me I look anorexic! Oh my goodness hun, you have not a thing to worry about. I bet you look healthy. and a little tip : Guys hate skrawny girls. They like girls with a little meat on their bones. They dont want to date a skeleton! If you need anyone to talk to, I know where you are coming from. I went through exactly what you are going through a few years back. Send me a message, Id be glad to chat =]

and I also went through the "cutting" stage in 9th grade. I hate the scars I have now... I was being abused by my dad, and Ive been pushed and pulled into foster cares, and moved from one parent to the next. Seriously though. If you ever wanna chat. message =]

Thanks, Mariee2009. I'll PM you.
I worry about my weight because I'm...uh, I don't know... angry about gaining back the 20lbs I lost in 07.