I think of PTSD as survival mode gone awry. It causes the sympathetic nervous system to be in constant alert, which is the body's stress mechanism. For survival, like before we had our modern infrastructures, the sympathetic nervous system would allow for the individual to react without having to think about what he/she had to do in order to survive a crisis, like a bear, hunting or fighting. When those situations were over, the parasympathetic system would come back into play, bring the blood and energy out of the extremities and back into the organs responsible for digestion, filtration, in general all the things our body just does to keep us working at optimum level.
Ironically with the height of our modern era, stresses are now more prevalent than ever. We are all suffering from sympathetic take over and the parasympathetic nervous system rarely gets to kick the stress of daily life in order to accomplish all it wants and needs to accomplish in our bodies. This is where and when flight or fight mechanisms begin to govern our responses to daily stress. We find ourselves on constant alert.
With that said, those of us who experienced and witnessed things that were of particular horrific awe, like those having to serve in Iraq, a car crash, 9/11, childhood molestation or a rape victim, the body's response to those events actually allowed it to rewrite how it chooses to deal with similar situations or other stress in the future. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I think is a funny description because it actually affects the future of the individual's responses to stress and trauma.
Each organ in our bodies governs a particular emotion. Like fear is housed in the kidneys, as is our will and strength to live and pass along our inherited will from our parents to our children. The body is so adept at protecting itself either from emotional trauma or physical trauma, that what happens post-trauma is nothing short of miraculous. The body responds by shutting down or placing a pause on the functionality of the area most affected, either emotionally or physically. With PTSD there is already an underlying traumatic rewrite, which the body remembers and employs when something happens again. It is the primary goal of the body to avoid pain at all costs. Like in Pinky3's post about her mother, how loud noises set it off, where she physically shuts down, or removes herself from the room, that is exactly what the body is doing on an organ level.
The other thing that I have experienced personally from PTSD is an underlying attempt to remove myself from anything, anyone that I'm not sure I can trust. That means for my relationships, I will shut down when I feel like I'm not being heard, or beliefs compromised. Furthermore, I always have one foot out of the door because I feel that I can fend for myself much better than anyone else could. Relationships get sticky with PTSD because the individual suffering will subconsciously take inventory of everything that isn't right, everything that would destabilize and victimize the individual. Keeping those things at arm's distance is a protection mechanism. I have found great and longstanding relief from these feelings, flight or fight mechanisms by going to an acupuncturist regularly.
Southerngirl200, I empathize with your situation. It is the PTSD talking, but unconsciously. What he's perhaps saying to you, is 'I'm not sure how this relationship will affect my ability to protect myself from future trauma, and I'm distraught at how to proceed in order to avoid trauma again in the future.' A marriage is a partnership where both protect and fend for the other. If he's dealing with PTSD at this level, he is having serious concerns about how to protect not just himself, but you as well. Subconsciously, he is trying to remove himself from any situation that could be traumatic, either to you or to himself. One more thought, due to the importance of his career, perhaps he's afraid that his military endeavors will cause eventual trauma for you.
Best to you all.
