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PTSD relapse ?

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I was diagnosed with PTSD several years ago..........Almost 10 years to be exact. Well, I can go a year or two with no symptoms and something bad can happen and it seems that all of the events that have hurt me deeply get replayed in my mind constantly. It is kinda like a whirlpool of negative thoughts. I replay the night I got raped. I replay my Grandfather and Grandmothers death. I replay my ex husbands abuse. I replay it all and it is a never-ending cycle that keeps going and going. It has gotten to the point that I try not to go to sleep because I am afraid I will have nightmares. I have been going off of a few hours of sleep a night. I don't deal with things like normal people do. Is this normal to have relapses like this? Have any of you guys had relapses? I am taking medication for stress and it seems to help, but I think it the recent death of my Grandma that triggered this relapse. I have been pushing my wonderful boyfriend away because I just get mean and when he is just simply playing with me I get really defensive. Saturday night was the worst. Me and him got in a huge fight to the point he was packing all of his stuff to move out and I finally lost it. I layed in bed in the fetal position and just started shaking uncontrollably and crying. I would never hurt myself ever, but I am not going to lie, thoughts of it have crossed my mind. I don't know what to do about this. I have been so numb lately and seem to just sit around in a daze. Please help!
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First Helper ladybug111
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replied November 16th, 2009
Experienced User
I'm sorry no one responded to your post earlier.

I know what you mean about replaying all the traumatic events. Yeah, I know a loss or bad experience can put a person with ptsd on edge, and bring up old wounds.

I don't know if you're still with your boyfriend. I will say I have experience of just not wanting to follow through with people when I'm feeling edgy. I have an urge not to call or maintain the relationship at the time. I don't follow those feelings because you know what? Other people will take it as I don't like them as much. I wouldn't want to deprive of someone who is wanted in life because I feel like isolating.

Good luck.
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replied November 16th, 2009
Experienced User
I'm sorry no one responded to your post earlier.

I know what you mean about replaying all the traumatic events. Yeah, I know a loss or bad experience can put a person with ptsd on edge, and bring up old wounds.

I don't know if you're still with your boyfriend. I will say I have experience of just not wanting to follow through with people when I'm feeling edgy. I have an urge not to call or maintain the relationship at the time. I don't follow those feelings because you know what? Other people will take it as I don't like them as much. I wouldn't want to deprive of someone who is wanted in life because I feel like isolating.

Good luck.
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replied November 17th, 2009
I think it has passed. i am still dating him although it was hard. within a month of writing this, my other grandma passed away as well. it set me in a downward spiral that I have never been down. I am doing better now except I still feel like isolating myself more than usual. I have really been trying to avoid the isolating thoughts and go against them and it seems to be working sometimes. Thank you for taking time to respond to my post.
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Users who thank ladybug111 for this post: PS39 

replied January 3rd, 2010
DIAGNOSED WITH PTSD AT 23
Well, I really dont know what to say about the boyfriend thing because I dont have one, recentally just left an horrible ordeal that I was in, and I just wanted to ask you are you on medication? and if you are notm on medication, does your ptsd affects your work? because at this point its like I cant seem to get on track with that, and i really avoide people exspecially the ones that love me... get back..... and good luck to you and your future
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replied March 5th, 2010
when i was five i was abused by a man who I thought well i think i thought was my uncle dont know if i did or didnt, i met him on a playground nex to my school after 430 pm and i dont know if it was a chance meeting or not could have been dont know.
walked with him to a bridge that i liked to play on.
when we got there i dont know why but i felt sleepy so we sat down near the stream which was neer a farm, nex i did fall asleap and when i got up he had his arm around me i felt scared after that i cant remember what happend, but after that i started to act difrently, stole mony off my mum so i would not get bullied at school then a girl a while after in school put her hads down the back of my pants and started to play with my private parts in front of the class while we were being told a story no one knew exept me as i was embarassed
next every night i went to this girls house and we what we thought was having sex and if i didnot do this she would bully me every day and she bashed me up to show that she would.
i was in the bedroom we had swapped underwear and was playing her brother came in of which i think was her brother then whent back out, then her friends started doing the same i tried to get away from this but again was hit by the first girl and so it continued, next was made to play around with a girl who wore callipers on her legs

when i got to secandry school this stoped but still was bullied everyday
then things got good and i joined the church choir was amazingly bright and totaly well behaved my mum said she could not tell me off for nothing.
i was riding my bike around the estate when i saw an old man he looked like the the actor who played merlins aprentice(merlin) in the 80s

do you need a hand with thaty i said , weeks later he gave me some beer i was drunk soon
he spilt some of his wisk on my waist and started to play with my private parts
said he was cleaning them
also asked me to suck his bits
he said tell your parents and ill tell them you drank

got away from that
next my brothes friend tolk me into a bush near the secondarys field and lit a smoke and said suck my ... and ill give you one he forced me to until he was happy
and warned me not to tell
also later debagged me infront of others laughing

went to new school got bullied once a week met an man who i wagged school with every day after 8 months and he finged my bumm evetry time it was time to go home
left school this happend uptill i was 20
moved town joined army got bullied date rapped with a drug from a black samalian i think he was.
was beaten up about 16 times in one night in my room loked in each time and others watching
hid behind a washer in the wash room and he came in and did not see me i stayed there for 7 hours
ran to my room
an to a lance corpral told him he bashed me up ifront of others there and then;
he told me that some sigs hjad gone missing ect ect and i did it i had not and had proof i didnot
started to be set up night after night with things gouing missing and being blamed
went to canada with army bullied again had break down sent to pryory
5 weeks later sent back to germany
ended up nex door to the corpral who beat me up firsr
as the doctor ioin the priry said specificaly not to
was sent back to canada
break down
sent home on sick leave
1 year later was dicharged
at thius time i was living in a hostel with heroin users realy bad people to was attacked with a knife let it go
shashed my room up had violent breakdown
got house and funding of british legion
next door to 2 lesbians and drug dealing, and garage next door at rear playing morning pray to alah ect
samshed house up was arrested under mental health act
was attacked out side a pub defended my self ony hit them once each they were k.o
rang police

got job was feelint top of the game again did 1 moth job training then got job
2 days later got sacked for getting metal in my eye

basicaly told my mum and dad 2 weeks ago exactly this they dont wantm to know me and
i am homeless and have nothing i feel that im sinking
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replied April 25th, 2010
well in this post if anyone checks in still, anyone know if long term treatment for PTSD and complex other illnes on uk base NHS system or know if you been made to wait, or not offer serivces or treatment, due to your complex needs and only offer short term 16 apointments, as retraumatisation and revictimisation and survivor of repeted sex crimes and child hood abuse, and fmaily of this are still in dental and part of the faith chruch whoms leaders been cover this up in uk and now i am being blamed for trying to heel and but digging up and trying to find answers to while my borthers and sisiters failed to tell the truth to police and chruch leaders and my mothers boyfreind and his fmaily covered al this up, now still only since a year back one remebered all the details, but i have dissocailtion with the effects on top of this of other horror crimes i suffered too, but not knowing this did i read up on my mental health from truman related issuses, and wmy i get daily set backs and pretend i not this me, as if i think about if i do not function and replase and act on my toughts, i loss control over, i had cbt based beif treatment, but not worked, no help in relearning how to trust anyone, or men, not able to work to ill, not bale to relate to another perosn, even if i got a job anything, my peronsal skills of relating to others, will effect any job, and u will lose a job, i have reports not nhs, to say the attempt on my life was so bad , and the mental effects are life long, and never deemded able to work again, so waiting for CICA PAYOUT, for cost of rpivte medical treatment and for the crime effects too, yet since then i not been bale t oreliase dangers around me or in others and hence my life went down hill and last bad time end of 09 i was in hosptial for weekend, but could not cope with mixing with men and others and not understanding my staff, why i could not cope, and i now wheel chair users, they had no acess or equitment i need and had to self discharge, yet cap care plan not even drawn up and uk governemnt trying to force pople like me into work, when medical unfit to do so, i have all reports letters to prove this, but i have a very poor NHS mental health staff and gp whom do not want to help me, so like many i here about are suffering . i do try to help my self, then i forget easly how to stay safe, so i go out of my own self, if that makes sence, to preten, i am no this me, to get by, but is not working, so evidence of professional medical nhs staff, not not even take any noitce of my privte medical reports or the effects of child absue or further sexusal crimes, one at knife point and what happened to me last summer, also forced me to move, i feel emtpy and have no long situation i do not seen to carry on this way, i get pills to take, but to used to them, do not help So the deteriorate in mental state and all other areas of my health is suffering to, but, i being left to rot, and o not know now what to do, any help or adivce would be welcome, thnaks.
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replied June 9th, 2010
Treatment
Everyone agrees that what has happen has long since stopped. It isn't happening to you right now, yet when the memories of what took place are triggered you get to relive that experience. Experiences you just can't get out of your head. This is an extremely emotional event that you can't get away from or turn off.

If you were to relive those experiences, those memories, but had no emotional response to them at all, then they would have no affect at all on your life. They would have no power to affect and control the way you live, the choices you make, what you can and cannot do because of what happened. Your choices, your life given back to you.

Once you get rid of all of those trapped negative emotions attached to these events life changes. The baggage is gone. If you really want to get rid of this baggage it can be done. You don't have to live like this.

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replied June 22nd, 2011
coping with PTSD relapse
I was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2004 due to some very difficult live events, one of which included living with the very real threat of gun to my back. As a means of self defence I learnt counter surveillance measures in order to stop someone following me home. I had started to get my life on track, until... my new marriage falls apart and I'm having to do this all over again, because I have been followed twice. I know this because they go down exactly the same roads I do and I know all the cars in our small street. Right at the moment I'm feeling really shakey and insecure, I try and be strong, but now I'm disolving into tears, which means I'll be useless at getting and keeping work. I just hate having to even think of using counter measures to look after myself, but I accept that this is what I have to do. But it's all those feelings that I had, are now raising up their ugly heads. I know they aren't real, I know it is response to what's going on.

My question is how do others cope with relapses?
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replied June 22nd, 2011
@Zahira1
Why not just get rid of those past feelings? It's what I do for a living, getting rid of this kind of baggage.
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replied February 21st, 2012
PTSD isn't something you just get over, or just get rid of. PTSD is the gift that keeps on giving.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 1997 or 1998. I was raped a number of times, including once by a close family member (and then by a friend of that family member). My symptoms lasted from the early 1970es though the early 2000es. I had completely lucid dreams of being raped. In some of the dreams I was able to fight off the attacker, usually lashing out against whoever may have been in bed with me. In others I wasn't. It just depended.
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replied March 4th, 2012
@Sometimes Sunny
"PTSD isn't something you just get over, or just get rid of. PTSD is the gift that keeps on giving."

No Sunny, that isn't true. Gettting rid of that bagagge and the impact it has on you is what I do for a living. So yes it can be done, I see this take place on a regualr basis.

You don't have to live with what those rapes did to you. How those thoughts and emotions continue to impact and control your life.

Yes you can get rid of that baggage!

Be well,
Larry

"You can't change history, but you can change the Future!"
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replied March 6th, 2012
i was diagnosed with PTSD several years ago and have been having relapses lately. I have a hard time getting to sleep and if i do get to sleep its very difficult to stay asleep. So i went to my physician for anti-depressants. Is this a realitively ordinary thing with my condition to do, and will it help to deal with it?
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replied May 26th, 2013
Yes, you can relapse... new treatment worth mentioning??
Quickly I need to say this.

I was raped by my partner at 16 years of age and bashed to the point of pain when walking and bleeding for a week... it was a life death situation at the time, somehow I lived...
Unfortunately for me after the initial turning off of my 'automatic action' phase (of which lasted me six months directly after the incident) I then had to deal with the broken me which resulted from it. I don't see any silver lining to PTSD, there is none.
Wisdom perhaps... but the loss of innocence it provokes... especially when from such a young age, no one should lose thier innocence.

I came across this forum, because I have had a bit of a relapse... i've felt beyond terrible the past 6 months... suicidal thoughts, anxiety so bad i'd curl up in bed and emotional depression so intense i felt I was in pain all over. But also the nightmares, lucid memories of the partner who assulted, mocked, raped then mocked me more in my own home. It seems.. that different events can lead to a relapse... which has me a bit more relieved.... recently when in counciling the epithany of having an emotionally abusive father has seemed to be a problem from the moment go... I never realised what our relationship was was emotional abuse, I just thought he hated my guts and i was a failure to him.
He sent me an email earlier this week, not with praise for what I was showing him... but lecturing me on university and love life balances, then called me lazy for othe things I had honestly forgotten to do which I should've had done a month back... all it was was one big email of abuse.

MAY I SUGGEST FOR TREATMENT OPTIONS!!!

We can't help what triggers our PTSD... it will happen... but we can find something to help rest the demon and help clear the other emotional cycles we've caught ourselves in in this life... My Councilor did a weird treatment that is new called RPMT ....Rapid eye movement treatment. the treatment works on making your surpressed memories (all of them, not just PSTD related) back up to the surface... to reconnect. Then... it helps de-sensitise them.... I highly recmommend trying it and I mean yes, now i feel the older habits of self hate and ugliness/dirtiness returning, but y'know what... for a month of the last 6... i felt the closest to clean/normal... me then i had in the whole 5 years since the rape/assault.


I wish you all love, and a cuddle... we can do this. Be strong.
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replied July 30th, 2013
I am having a relapse.
It really is reliving all the past traumatizing events.

There are also 10 years of my life that are unaccounted for. I pray to God that when that comes to the surface that I don't completely snap.

I don't know why I'm having the relapse. It is like all the horrible symptoms I experienced 8 years ago. Primary extreme hypervigilance. That alone feels like it will drive me over the edge. With the hypervigilance I am also having quick anger and rage.

Also, nothing in life seems to make sense. Nothing seems important enough.

Boy, PTSD can really do a number on a person's head. I am really suffering. Wish I could stop the relapse. It is terrible. I cannot function in my daily life because of it, and my memory gets so bad when this happens that it is frightening.

I hope I can learn something from this forum or find comfort from it.

Can anyone relate to this relapse?
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replied July 15th, 2013
Experienced User
I think it has passed. i am still dating him although it was hard. within a month of writing this, my other grandma passed away as well. it set me in a downward spiral that I have never been down. I am doing better now except I still feel like isolating myself more than usual. I have really been trying to avoid the isolating thoughts and go against them and it seems to be working sometimes. Thank you for taking time to respond to my post. (health care home)
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replied December 22nd, 2013
Just how does your reply fit into this post or conversation? am I missing something? It throws everyone off.
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replied October 4th, 2013
My PTSD journey
I was diagnosed with complex PTSD in 2004 and received EMDR treatment. Before this treatment I had 3 solid years of mental breakdowns, chronic depression, and wouldn't let any one into my world besides my sister and 1 close friend. A sexual relationship was out of the question and I only left the house out of necessity to buy good when needed. After the EMDR I felt like I could breathe again. I started leaving the house, went to university and got a part time job. All things I thought were never possible in the midst of my depression and PTSD. It truly changed the way I cope.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but instead of weeks of flashbacks, intense pain, and depression, the most I get now is maybe a week out of a year, (what I consider a relapse) so it DOES and CAN get better. Today is a hard day for me. I was triggered yesterday and so this morning I have been emotional and a bit down. But coming to sites like this help me to ground myself, remember that I'm not alone, and remind me "I'll be ok"
I will not let my past traumas define who I am and how I function.
You are all beautiful people.
This is true above all else.
Try and remember that in the midst of all the whirlwind xxx
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