Broken Hearted Forum - Pregnant but in love with my ex....

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > Pregnant but in love with my ex....

Q: Pregnant but in love with my ex....

asked by: angel999 on December 1st, 2008

New User

Ok, get ready for this. This is going to sounds nuts but I need some kind of advice or I'm going to go crazy. My ex and I lived together for three years. Unfortunately we broke up in April because we used drugs with one another. It was for the best. Anyways, during our breakup I started seeing one of my very good friends. I was really upset and experiencing my first heartbreak. He was there for me and made me feel better about the whole thing. Things happened fast between the two of us. After all, we've known one another for 11 years. I felt comfortable with him. Meanwhile the whole time my ex never gave up on me and considering the fact that I love him we started seeing one another again. I had the drugs out of my life but my ex did not. We were working things out and cleaning his act up. Well, shortly after we started back up I found out that I was PREGNANT with my friends baby. No, it's NOT my ex's. I thought how could this be, we used protection the 2 times we had sex. TWICE!!! PROTECTED!!! In some way I felt it was God's way to get my ex out of my life because he is not (at the moment) the best person for me to be with. The three years with my ex we never even had a scare of pregnancy. I told my friend and my ex and both were shocked. Luckily for me my friend and I are BOTH going to raise our son (yes I'm having a baby boy). I'm extremely excited now and can't wait. I'm 26 weeks pregnant now. Boy does the time fly by. I've got such a wonderful support group filled with great people. Both my family and the fathers family are so excited. So here's my problem, my ex and I are still in love. I'll always love my ex. I'm not attracted to my sons father, at all. Hopefully it's the hormones. The father wants to work it out but I don't. I'll be unhappy. Maybe over time I will fall in love but not for the moment. I hate to say this but at times I wish it were my ex's baby. He feels the same way. In fact, my ex thinks he will be the one raising it but he has no idea how excited and involved the father is. The father doesn't want my ex to have anything to do with our son and I agree. Thing is it hurts so bad. I'm in love with a man who is NOT my sons father and my sons father wants us to work out. I can't, I love someone else. I sent an e-mail to my ex telling him I am backing off until he changes. Until then we won't be seeing one another. My son comes first for he is the NEW man in my life Smile

How can I deal with my feelings? Should I just force myself to get over my ex? Or should I just let time tell? Sometimes I think that if my ex and I are suppost to be then we will be when the timing is right. I should say this real fast, my son comes first. No guy will ever come before him. I just had to write out my feelings because keeping all this bottle up inside is killing me. Any advice would be great! Thanks

Replies(7)

Birch

replied on December 1st, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Wow, keeping that bottled up would kill me too. Congratulations on your son, and for recognizing that your son comes first, even before yourself. So it's time to put your feelings for your ex in a cupboard and consider your son's welfare instead of you. Your ex sounds like he still uses drugs, keep him away from your ex, and if you used to use drugs together, that is a huge trigger for people. Don't be around him if he's using drugs. You use you may lose your son, get in legal trouble, your health will suffer, it just keeps going and going. Concentrate on keeping a good life for your son. I know it sounds so inconsiderate but your feelings don't really matter when you are a good parent. Good luck!

angel999

replied on December 2nd, 2008

New User

Thanks. Yeah I do realize all this but hate facing it. I'm just going to do exactly what you suggested and put my ex in the cupboard for the time being. Time will tell. Love sucks!!!

tessa384

replied on May 22nd, 2009

New User

I am going through almost the exact same thing! Except my ex doesn't use drugs, he just changed into a bad man after becoming a manager of a nightclub and sleeping with some girls that he hires and so on...but STILL in LOVE with this man and hate it! I find the father of the child to be quite annoying and def NOT in love with him and wishing that it was my exes..just found out today that it isn't because i'm only 7 weeks along and had sex with him once 2 1/2 months ago. I feel for you girl. I wish I could lie to myself and to my ex and tell him it's his but that wouldn't be the right thing to do. At least your ex wants something to do with you while your preggos with someone elses baby... Sad

Good luck to you! Time WILL tell:)

ServiceU

replied on May 27th, 2009

Supporter

i agree! dont be around him if he's using drugs. i would direct him to get help if it is really bad. right now i would concentrate on your new family, you son. and not worry about anything else.

voodoodoll

replied on July 14th, 2009

New User

somehow we have the same problem. Me and my ex boyfriend were together since jan2005 and i have to leave him dec2006 because my petition for the u.s is been granted. we tried to work the relationship even though it's a long distance one but it's really hard. i joined the military and at first it's ok. we still talk and chat like we always do to make the relationship work. after that i got stationed in japan that's my first command. we are doing great until i met another guy. we work at the same department the guy has a japanese girlfriend before and then we started to date each other just for fun because we are far away from our love ones. and then after a year of realizing that what we are doing is wrong i found out that i am pregnant. the new guy really fell for me but the problem is i dont really love him i just like him. even though i'm not ready i still continue my pregnancy. my baby boy is now almost 3 months. i still love my ex so bad. i always think of him all the time. how i wish he was the father of my baby. we still love each other after i told him everything that i've done while i'm far away from him but he still forgives me. he told me that he really really loves me that's why but i'm afraid that he'll stop having a connection to me because he told me that it is unfair to the baby's father what we are doing right now and i'm so hurt. i can't lose him but what should i do? it's really hard. sometimes i wished that i never cheated on my ex boyfriend but even though that happens i'm still happy for my baby.

rightside

replied on July 14th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

What I want to know is, why do you all have sex with men that you care nothing about, and aren't attracted to? When you are separated from your exs, why do you have to have sex with someone else instead of just waiting for the right guy to come along? Someone enlighten me please? Every time I see posts like this, they all end up the same, with misery for all. Ok, sorry, had to vent that, and now for the problems...First, if you were on drugs, is your baby ok? Thank goodness your ex wasn't the father...who knows what would happen to a fetus that has been created in a sea of drugs. Hopefully, he is healthy and happy.

Now, the fathers of the babies have a right to be in their lives. For now, you need to just take it slow, and be there for your child. I would no way let a man around me or my child that is or was doing drugs, ESPECIALLY if I had done them too. You sure don't need to start that again.

Your ex needs to get clean, and until he does, I would keep him as far away from that child as possible. Do you know the reasons why you love him? Think about them. Did he make you happy? Was he good for you? Think hard, because if you get negative answers, they will also be negative for your son. You are not obligated to marry the babie's father, but it would be good if you get along, and stay friendly for your son's sake. Nobody can forsee how all this is going to turn out. I hope if you do end up back with your ex, you both stay clean and free of drugs, because it seems that was a big part of your relationship. I hope the next time, IF there ever is a next time, you women will stop and think about having sex with someone you care nothing about romantically, so that you will not produce babies that are destined to be living without biological father in the home. And if you don't, PLEASE use protection that works. I wish you all good luck, and sorry to sound like your mother, but I am one, that that's what I would tell my daughter, right after I gave her a good scolding!

lizzy_09

replied on July 17th, 2009

Experienced User

I think that's the most sensible decision I've ever heard. I agree with you 100%. Time can only tell if your ex has really change. Your son should be your priority. As for the father, yes, he has that right to get invovle with your kid. It is also good that you did not rush things. As much as you love your ex, you also have to consider a lot of things in your relationship.

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