Pregnant and Depressed

I'm 22 years old and 24 weeks pregnant. I recently got married and my husband works long hours and is often gone for weeks at a time. I love my husband and he's amazing and supportive with everything. He's my best friend and I'm so thankful for him. He's gone a lot and since I'm not working I'm left home. Also, our family lives on the other side of the country and I have just one good friend.

Since becoming pregnant, I've been moody but lately, I feel terribly alone and can't stop crying. I think I'm depressed and have had a history of it but I don't understand why I would be. I should be so thankful for everything in my life. I love children and I've been waiting to be a mother my whole life. Even though the pregnancy was unplanned and we were shocked at first, we came around to the idea of having a family. On good days, I absolutely love being pregnant and even daydream about when we have our next child. I feel beautiful and even sexy. On bad days, I won't shower, leave the house, or even answer the phone. I'd be embarrassed if someone saw my house as I can't even pick up after myself.

I haven't gone to college but was planning on it before I got pregnant. I still want to but with my husbands job I'm going to be the primary caretaker of our daughter and I know it will be difficult. I also wanted to join the military but now that is definitely not going to happen. I guess I just imagined living a life of adventure before we decided to have kids. And now I see my future as being alone and tied down all the time. I'm afraid I'm going to be an unhappy and depressed mom and that scares me.

I'm actually jealous that my husband gets to work and actually interact with people. I haven't seen a single person today. I can't sleep at night so I sleep during the day. I talk to him on the phone and I cry the entire time. He's away and he keeps saying things will be better when he comes home. He feels bad when I'm like this because he doesn't know how to help me and then I feel guilty for even acting like this. I'm so damn jealous that he gets a career and I'm just going to be staying home, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of our daughter. I already suck at cooking and cleaning and I'm afraid I will at parenting.

I really broke down after hanging up with him and started having terrible thoughts. I thought how much I hate my life right now, hate being alone, and wondered what would happen if I just died. I would NEVER commit suicide but the fact that I was even thinking about it scared me and made me feel worse. I love my baby already and want to be a good mom. I just don't know what's wrong with me. I know it's common to feel depression during pregnancy but I don't know if I should say something to my doctor. I can't talk to my family because I would feel to ashamed. They're so excited about the baby and I don't want to let them down.

Are there antidepressants that wouldn't harm the baby? I don't like the idea of taking medication, but I don't want my baby to suffer if I really am depressed.

And if I feel better when my husband comes home, then should I still say something to my doctor?

I'm just really confused and I know I should do things like get out and meet people but it's hard doing anything when I feel so alone. I haven't even been exercising because I don't want to do it by myself. I do feel better after reading other women's messages so if you have any thoughts or answers to my questions I'd be glad to hear them.