I'm 15 weeks along with my first baby. The father is this guy I knew in high school. We reconnected a few months ago and had this whirlwind relationship. He was seperated and told me he was getting beginning the divorce proceedings and had moved back into his moms house to try and get back on his feet. After dating a few weeks, I offered to let him stay with me, and look for a better job where I lived, thinking that the small town we were from wasn't going to do much for him and being a city might help him get back on his feet. I wanted to help this man I was falling in love with any way I could. The first month was amazing, but I started to let my life go to make sure he could get on his feet--rides to work and what not, staying home with him because he really didn't know anyone. I took care of everything for him, including letting him stay rent free and attaching his cell phone to my plan. Then we found out I was pregnant, and my anxiety and depression presented itself.
Things fell apart quickley, he would yell at me and tell me that I owed him my help, and it was my fault I treated him poorly and he was unhappy. He would look at me and I would break down. After our first baby appointment, he flipped out because I was sick and wanted to lay down before taking him to work, and told me that I needed to get an abortion because I would be doing the kid a favor. I kicked him out and he wouldn't leave, saying that it was my responisiblity to let him stay there because I brought him here, even though he had been staying with his new friends for a few days during the week because of me. He told me the only way he would leave, was to call the cops. So I did, we were done and I was 6 weeks pregnant.
He came back a week later saying he was sorry, and he wanted to work on things. I was so excited because I was devasted he had left and it had gotten that bad, I knew I had made mistakes too, like fighting with him and letting him pull me into his issues and acting defensively about them. But he never actually worked on anything. I was really sick and still am, and he was never there when I would call him about it, he never showed up when he said he would, or would always put off doing the things he said he would do for me because he was tired from work, or playing video games, or had a party to go to. He came around for two things, sex and a ride to work, and if I tried to confront him about it, he'd just go passive agressive and say, I'm not fighting with you. and then tell me how I'm a nag and Why would he want to be around me when all I do is cry when he's here or talk about our relationship. He was done talking about our relationship--we either needed to work on it his way or he was done, because obviously my way hadn't worked or I would have treated him better in the beginning.
Finally, after asking him to come over one night when someone was banging on my door outside for an hour, and I was freaked and he just told me to suck it up and act like a big girl. I was done. I told him I wasn't going to give him a ride anymore, and I was done always doing what he needed and trying to work on things when all I am is a side project and not a very important one at that. I told him to ask the people he puts first to give him a ride because I was done. He flipped out, the next morning when I didn't pick him up for work. Called 34 times and when I txted him back standing up for myself--threatened to file harassment charges on me. and said he was done, didn't want anything to do with this baby, as he didnt need another kid ( he has a daughter that might be his, its why he married is ex). I seriously believed him when he said it was all my fault--and questioned where I had really tried. Maybe he was right. But now I'm 15 weeks, and moving home with my family, which hes pissed about saying that I'm never going to take care of myself, and I'm pathetic for letting my dad take care of me. Now I'm faced with his family who is really excited for his first baby that they know is his, and they want to be around for the baby, but how do I let them, when I dont think I want him to be around the baby, because I know that he'll come back and say he wants to be around as much as I let him, but I'm too selfish to let him see his GD kid when he wants. I don't know what to do. Is this my fault?
From what I just read, Yes. First you started dating someone else's husband. Then you started taking care of him as if he was a home improvement project. Then you got pregnant and became needy, changing the terms of the relationship - which were you take care of him and he lets you.
There was a reason that his first marriage didn't work out and I have a feeling you're finding out that reason first hand. You didn't know this guy from Adam before you moved him in with you and made him your world. It has less to do with him and more to do with you just wanting someone to make you feel good about you.
Now you're pregnant. Your ex is an immature jerk who doesn't have any use for you or your baby unless it can benefit him in some way. Whether you let his family be a part of your child's life is up to you. I have a feeling you will because you want to stay attached to him but maybe I'm wrong. If it was me, I would get a job, get a degree, and create an awesome life for me and my child excluding the father. I would also seek counseling to raise my selfworth and ensure that I don't make the same mistakes in the future. But that's just me.
I wish you luck. I know what you're going through because I've been through it myself - I've done it myself - and it wasn't until I realized the problem that I could work on the solution. Take care.
LARKKENSI; Your a woman with a baby. A wonderful baby, your a good person who fell in love. What you should understand is that it is not your fault, that you meet a coward and a selfish jerk. You believed in him, he lied to you. He will continue to lie to himself but don't worry about that. Enjoy this moment, you are a woman doing a woman's job now. Love yourself and the baby. Let the coward go, be brave.