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PPD with psychotic features

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Currently diagnosed with PPD w/ psychotic features (bipolar disorder) after I had my daughter 5 1/2 months ago I lost an extreme amount of weight due to stress, putting my daugher first, working with twins as well. Overwhelmed myself to a ER visit where I was constantly vomiting couldnt keep food down, extremely depressed cried all the time, woudl just sit and stare into nothing and would tone out my fiance. The one thing that has kept me happy, and i feel number one at it, is being a mother. I know I am a wonderful mother Smile The one thing that makes me smile!!
I have extreme agitation and am verbally aggressive when I get frustrated, its so hard to explain. One moment I'm just feeling down, and the next I start yelling. If my fiance and I are just arguing or he isnt really getting what I am saying I basically have to start yelling i get so frustrated and I say things such as I dont want to be around him, I hate him etc. None of these are true..after going off on my own into a different room I realize that i have no idea why i would say that.
I love making lists everyday, usually more than one of what I need to do or get at the store, even though i dont feel up to going to the store. I dont get much of the list finished because once i cross one thing off i add about 2 more things if not more. I think I make lists because I want it to be taken out of my mind. But i sitll get the racing thoughts of what i need to do, leading to me feeling overwhelmed, then anxious or depressed. I feel less of a person each day because i do not bake every week like I used to, cook dinner as much (that is more his specialty and passion) I havent had a full manic episode, but I have many mixed episodes, i cannot explain what I am thinking. I can fall asleep at first (usually) after I make the middle of the night bottle for the daddy to feed our baby, i cannot fall asleep, i get really anxious scared, and i immediately need him to be next to me holding me..as close as possible..
I have come to realize sex is one thing that makes me feel normal and actually good (obviously the good part, but its something other than that, its more of something I use to take my mind of the many thoughts i have going on in there.

My primary prescribed me on effexor xr, didnt get it yet, my ins wasnt cooperating, but i have my main apt with the psychiatrist tomorrow who will pair me up w/ a therapist, and approve or disapprove of the effexor, hopefully I am not put on anything too hard to handle...scarey to think of side effects but I am actually looking forward to this, need to get as close to 100 percent for my family and myself.

thanks for listening!! comments would be great new here!
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replied October 15th, 2010
I'm new as well, and I've been told by a couple of doctors that I could have bipolar tendencies, and while reading your post, I can say I've felt a lot of similar things. My problem is my willingness to accept it; it's difficult because when I'm feeling "normal" I cannot help but deny I ever had anything wrong with me. I start saying to myself, "oh it's just been in your head, and now you've figured out how to be normal and happy." It's those moments I go off my meds and problems come up.

I too battle with the mixed episodes; I can only think of one time in my life when I may have experienced a fully manic episode, and it got me into all sorts of trouble. The mixed episodes are difficult because of all of the agitation present with them, and no matter how hard you try, you can't see passed your own eyes. It's like driving during a rainy night without windshield wipers. Luckily, my wife understands pretty well, and she allows me some quiet time when I feel like that.

I would say, talk to you fiance and be as open as possible. From what I've learned, you need as much support as possible from people who are close to you. A therapist and medications are definite musts, but make sure your closest friends and family understand what you're experiencing. Also, keep a journal, describing how you feel, so during those moments when you think your feeling better and you're tempted to go off your meds, you can read and gain some much needed insight. Anyway, hope that helps. I wish the best of luck to you! You should be feeling very hopeful.
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