I am a bipolar girlfriend and sometimes I feel like ending my relationship with my boyfriend because I am so scared he will end it before me. It is scary. Its hard to feel confident in a relationship when you know you are making someone deal with your mental illness. Maybe she feels like she isn't good enough for you when she is feeling down and just feels the relationship is bound to end eventually anyways?

Well, I did tell her I deserved better than she pushing me away so hard but being able to spend time with other people at her discretion. Her ex (who lasted longer thanks to a long distance relationship and mutual, supporting friends) is also taking interest in her again, so I don't know how that effects things. But, it is like she wants me to understand, but instead be accepting. Also, she thinks it is creepy that I am reading up on how bipolar affects people. Could she possibly be in denial and that is why she is blaming me and saying I will do what I want to do when I ask her what she want's between us? It is really confusing because I end things and then she wants to talk. I remove her as a friend on facebook and she wonders why I don't want to keep facebooking her. She is contradicting herself so much that I am beginning to do the same. It is so confusing. I don't know if this is her manic state doing this or her depressive state, or whatever it is. She seems to want to be friends with me one moment, but then the next she is blaming me and making me feel like I have the problem. I am doing the best I can to not let this cause me to throw away anything we have left, if anything.

Its probably her manic state that makes her so back and forth. Or maybe she is rapid cycling and is just being confusing. There is no real answer with mental illness.. its different with everyone. When I'm hypomanic I am horrible to my boyfriend but if he walks away from me I beg him not to leave. Everything is irrational and unsure. I can't control my behavior and I don't do whats best for me and my boyfriend. I tell him one thing and then do the other. When I am "normal" I don't do any of this. When I am depressed I just lay around and do nothing and don't really care about much of anything. You're doing the right thing reading up on things and trying to understand. Hopefully she will come back to you, but you can't force her to. If she does great, if she doesn't.. move on.

Thanks, KatG. I just feel like sometimes I don't know what to do because I am trying to not just run away from the situation like I read in so many forums, but at the same time she doesn't want what I am offering her. I just wish I had known then what I know now, and it is too late, so it seems. My nature is to try to understand rather than accept, and she is wanting me to understand but accept, which is a contradiction. I am so confused. I want to just wait things out, but when she seems interested in keeping our friendship alive but then doesn't speak to me for days, I am stuck with a tough decision of doing what is best for me which is remove her from my life completely, or continue to support her as a friend. Unfortunately, she/I never ended the relationship because I hated her or wanted it to end. Unfortunately, I still love her, and that doesn't go away fast enough.

Hey Cloud,

Unfortunately you decided to run out and read up on the subject of what bipolar is and less on who she is. I don't think you will find a book out there that will help you understand better of who she is than had you just sat down with her with an open mind and listened. That way you could have had some understandings and might have been willing to accept her for who she is instead of trying to fix her.

Bipolarism doesn't define us but more lends itself to some possible charter traits that we share in common. I think she now feels that you look at her as a flaw with the illness instead of who she really is. The great majority of us make for great friends and long term relationships....the ones that you usually hear about are the few in crisis.

If you two are ever going to get back together, you need to be able to look past the illness and accept her for who she is and not want to change her....if not, it's actually better for both of you that it ended early verses later with more baggage.

That's not true.

Trying to have an open discussion with someone who is bipolar is difficult at best.

No, a lot of people with bipolar don't make for "great" friends or romantic-relationship partners.

A need for control of objects and relations is not an unusual trait for Bipolar disorder. From a laymans point of view so many fundamental and personal aspects of a BP sufferr's life are out of their control that they feel a strong need to have leverage in situations where they can. A good tool to to help you if you live with someone with BP is to delegate them to be in charge or organizing and planning tasks. Encouraging them in hobbies where they are able to execute control also gives them an outlet for their life's frustrations.

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