Hey,

im 16, its kind of hard to start of what im trying to say because i have never spoken to anyone about how im feeling.
i think i have depression, and i dont know what to do about helping myself. throughout the past year or so, especially when im feeling more down i look on the internet for symptoms and i seem to match quite a few.

i dont know what to do because for one, my family think i am completely happy - and i don't blame them because i am a completely differen't person at home , or more so that i dont show my family how i am feeling deep down and generally try to act like nothing is wrong around them. if i told them i think i have depression, for one, they wouldnt take it seriously or believe me because as i said, for me to tell them something like that which is totally unexpected would be hard to believe, and for me persoanlly id rather keep things at home the way the are instead of trying to get extra attention. also, my older sister had depression - we are not very close, infant we are polar opposites. when my sister had depression it was alot more obvious as she showed many physical signs such as always being tired and tended to keep to herself in her room all the time. so for me to say i think i have it would seem extreamly strange in my family as i am seen as the happy one.

but anyway the point of all that is, i would want to know if i am able to go see a doctor without my parents consent to see if i do have depression? or could i even get a hold of anti-depressions without much trouble? i know that probably sounds stupid but as i said i really dont want to make a big deal about this.....

i havnt really said much why i think i am. the past year or so, i feel like i am shutting myself of from my friends. on weekends i dont really want to see anyone anymore and i feel like they do not want to see me either. at school, in the same friendship group i have been in for years i feel so selfconsious sometimes it is almost unbearable, i feel like every single move i make everyone around me is watching and judging. i used to take pride in how i look, but now ive been gaining a bit of weight and i honestly feel like im ugly and no one likes me. i take out all my frustration on sport, so i go for a run or to the gym which often leaves me feeling alot better. i was reading on a website that self-criticism, self-blame, self-loathing is often a signs of depression which i feel like sums me up alot. i dont really want to go into further detail but i just want to be as happy, confident and outgoing as i used to be.

anyway, i hope this post wasn't too long or confusing, as i said earlier this is the first ive ever said anywhere how im feeling and i found it hard to express myself.

thanks

samantha