Bipolar Disorder Forum - Possibly Bipolar

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Q: Possibly Bipolar

asked by: soon2bteaching on September 30th, 2008

New User

Hello. For the last five years or so I have kept journals that have documented my various feelings of both depression and unusual energy or happiness. As of two years ago these feelings became more and more apparent, and now [as of Jan 2008] I have noticed a definite cycle of manic and depressive episodes. I have read lots of articles and what-not on the internet and elsewhere and have always answered 'yes' to many of the questions [that ask whether you do or feel certain things].

My problem is that I am almost finished in college getting my teaching degree and I am very scared to see a doctor because I worry that, being formally diagnosed and medicated, I will not be able to get a job... because really I don't know of any elementary teachers with bipolar disorder. At the same time I do not feel like I would be safe getting a job without some type of medicine or interventions first... most recently my thoughts have become suicidal and panicky. I have begun to regularly skip classes or not go to my job just because I am too depressed... and almost nightly I have an overwhelming feeling of "giving up" because I feel like I just can't deal with it and can't get help.

I've talked to my parents and they push me away and say that I'm "just lazy" or "just tired" or "looking for attention". Teachers push me to a psychologist who just wants me to talk about "how I feel" but never really goes anywhere else with it... I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm not even really sure what I was posting about... I guess I would just like others to know that I feel alone and lost and that I don't know what to do. I'm 23 years old, about to start teaching, and I don't know if I should be tested and medicated [if that's what it takes] or just keep going and hope that I don't go too far "off" while on the job...

- Jess

Replies(4)

MandMs

replied on October 1st, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Welcome to EHEALTH forum!

Late adolescence and early adulthood are peak years for the onset of bipolar disorder.
There are lists of criteria for someone to be so diagnosed as bipolar patient.
These depend on both the presence and duration of certain signs and symptoms.

There are few reasons why you mustn't delay the visit to your doctor:

First, she/he is the one who can give the right diagnosis, excluding other diseases like problems with thyroid gland, anemia, metabolic disease, chronic disease.
You can't expect not to go too far with the disease.
If you are really bipolar, you should be treated with drugs all your life, to have productive and happy life.
Left untreated, this disorder tends to get worse overtime (you put your self on risk to make something that will have huge negative effect on every aspect on your life), experiencing more frequent and more intense, severe episodes of mania and depression.
Very important reason, to visit your doctor is the suicidal thinking you have.
Is common for bipolar patients, and, means that you need medical attention as soon as possible.

soon2bteaching

replied on October 1st, 2008

New User

Going to be making a trip to the doctor's a.s.a.p.
Had an episode this morning - I was very tired walking to class and got there late. I could feel just a burst of energy all of the sudden. I got up and left class without a word and decided to go get a pop out of the machine [downstairs - about 3 flights of stairs]. I never take the stairs and I just decided to and I ran all the way down, got my pop, and ran all the way up and felt great (not normal at all for me) and then went back to class. The teacher talked to me after about my behavior being off recently and I shrugged and told her that it was fine and walked out (also something I would never do - I like that instructor and I can't believe, sitting here now, that I was so rude) and then I just skipped the next class. When someone in the hall stopped and said hi to me I rattled off a bunch of random crap about something... then I realized that I left my purse in the first classroom and interrupted the class to go get it then I ran out smiling from the building and all the way [2 blocks or so] to my dorms.... and now sitting here I feel very bad. I don't quite know how to describe it... just a rotten useless feeling.

I definitaely feel ready [and in need of] a doctor's appointment.

puzzld

replied on October 1st, 2008

Supporter

Re: Possibly Bipolar, But Afraid to Know...

soon2bteaching wrote:

i'm so glad to hear that you've decided to get on meds. fyi - finding the right meds can be intense, time consuming and frustrating. i would be so happy for you if on the first try your meds are right. it took me one year to find the right cocktail.

i was struggling too at the end of my college days. i continued to struggle with my dream job. at first i was sky high yet petrified that somebody would find me out. well, several people found me out. i snapped one day and went catatonic for a few hours. i lost my job because of a bipolar medication i was on. i pray you don't have to go through all of this but getting medicated is the only way to save your life! don't get me wrong... it's not all perfect. it feels strange not to have extreme mood swings. i'm still getting used to it. and, i have to be careful because one of the symptoms of bp is missing the highs. i just ignore it and slowly it's going away. i am now at a new job which i love (web design specialist). i am an artist so it's very important to do something you are passionate about. it helps treat bipolar, i believe Cool

it doesn't help with the societal stigmas attached to mental illness in general. thumbsdwn

i understand your fear of your official diagnosis and treatment in regard to your career. voices

i have been on the brink of suicide and on the side of thinking about it. it's like a friend who's a clever and bad seed. the thoughts came first for me then the planning. i never attempted it... i am the type to take meds and treat the symptoms.

my bipolar manifested in my early twenties, too. i was diagnoses as having bp for the past 10 years but i refused to accept the diagnosis from several doctors. that's a symptom too. i've been happily medicated for 5 months now and i'm doing so much better. i can't even describe what it's like to finally have a life once again. sun

anyways.... blah blah blah =)

when are you seeing a psychiatrist? puzzld

NightStar

replied on October 2nd, 2008

Experienced User

Yeah it can take time for medication to work right, I went 6 months before the meds helped me out of a bad depression. I went through a divorce so I was hitting bottom. I was just lost for a few months, lost the house, defaulted on all of my bills. Went on disability.

I still don't feel right, I miss the manic side, but have not had that for years. I seem to have more trouble with the depression then the manic. I am currently on Geodone.

Now I just feel like an observer watching my life go right by. I work a bit on a board, but have no real job, I just watch tv all day. I have been through so many jobs, I just lost my confidence in finding the right one again. I did have one working for a credit bureau but lost that when I got divorced.

I don't have the right clothing for a good office job, and it is hard to specifically find data entry jobs. I got to do that once, and exceed at it. I tried finding temp agencies that can hook me up with a part time job. But no luck.

I think I still need some adjustment on my meds, I have a few different diagnosis on my mental illness, I suffer post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive / compulsive disorder, adhd, borderline personality, and bipolar.

You should go to a doctor, and go through the chat sessions so they can narrow your diagnosis down and make sure you are not just bipolar but maybe something else mixed in like me.

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