I am saddened mbae you test results. Sorry.

I'll

Love always
Mson

I would love some advice, if I can get some from you M... you really seem to be the hope springs eternal type and you seem to have overcome great odds to live a normal life...

NO your days are NOT numbered...never give in,never give up. This doesn't change who you are at all. It may change what you do but that's it. You will be fine.Whats your count? My T cells were 25 when I first tested positive,now i have over 400 so this doesn't define you. Here...let me give you some advise . As a matter of fact I am going to send you a private message.
Hold on...you will be fine.

I sent you a PM...check your in box.

You probably have enough on your mind without dwelling on ideas about HIV that aren’t the slightest bit true.

Myth HIV infection is a death sentence.
Reality No, it’s not—the meds really work.


“I guess we’re sorta fortunate nowadays. Your thoughts don’t turn to ‘Oh my god, I’m gonna die.’ It’s more ‘Oh my god, I’m gonna live with this.’ And you start to think of how it’s gonna change your life.” —Joshua Sacks, Washington, DC, Diagnosed: 2004

When did the AIDS death rate start dropping? 1996. When did combo therapy become widely available? 1996. You get the picture.

In 1995, there were over 500,000 people with HIV in the US and 62% of them died of AIDS. Now there are over 1 million HIVers in the US, and the AIDS death rate has dropped to about 18,000 a year. Some countries do better (Britain), some a lot worse (South Africa).

Myth HIV infection is no big deal any more—I can just take some pills.
Reality It's still a serious medical condition, requiring life-long treatment.

HIV infection isn’t anything like getting a cold; it stays with you as part of your life and increases all sorts of risks. You need to look after yourself to make it to your golden years.

Myth The side effects of the meds are worse than the disease.
Reality The side effects are mostly manageable.

There’s always a risk of side effects when you take medicines strong enough to defeat a serious virus. There are also many additional drugs out there that do a good job of treating these side effects and improving your quality of life. Alternative therapies can help with that too—in combination with a good diet, excercise and the rest. But they can't stop the virus.

Myth I’ve heard that HIV doesn’t cause AIDS.
Reality There's no other valid explanation.

If you take a cross-section of people with HIV worldwide, nothing else connects an African baby, a Thai housewife who has only had sex with her husband, an Indian transsexual, a San Francisco gay man and a Russian IV-drug user but having the virus.

Fatigue, drug and alcohol binges, stress, depression and STDs can all depress the immune system. But nothing but HIV (besides perhaps cancer chemotherapy) can reduce your immune system to 1 percent of its proper strength.

Myth HIV was created in a laboratory to kill off blacks, gays and junkies.
Reality Creating a complicated retrovirus like HIV was way beyond scientists’ abilities in 1959, which is the date of the first confirmed case of AIDS, in Kinshasa, Africa (and is probably beyond their abilities now, too).

Not an entirely irrational fear, considering not only social prejudices but also the history of experiments on live, uninformed human subjects. Between 1932 and 1972, for instance, a Tuskegee, Alabama study left 400 black men untreated for syphilis, long after they could have been cured with penicillin—just to see what would happen.

Theories abound on where HIV came from, but one thing and one thing only turned HIV from a disease of the West African bush into a global epidemic. No, it wasn't changes in sexual behavior; it was international travel. AIDS spread along trucking highways and airline routes.

Myth I can’t ever have children.
Reality Yes you can.


“I went blank. I started thinking I can’t have kids. Who’s going to want me now? I thought that I wasn’t able to have kids, and that I wasn’t going to get married…I’ve learned since then that there’s only a one percent chance that you would transmit it to your baby.”—Jessica Whitney, Hagerstown, MD, Diagnosed: 2003

HIV positive women who control their virus with meds during pregnancy, have a Caesarean section and don't breast feed, reduce the risk of passing on HIV to their baby to a mere 1 percent.

A positive man hoping to conceive with a negative woman can avail himself (for a substantial fee) of a technique called “sperm washing” that separates HIV from sperm. Ask your doc. www.duncanholly.com

Myth I have to tell everyone.
Reality Disclosing your HIV status should always be your choice.

In some states, if you don't tell a sex partner, you can be prosecuted. But otherwise, disclosure should be at your own speed and to whomever you choose—keeping in mind, however, that disclosure can be a relief, and it can even be empowering.

This national list of teen-friendly HIV treatment clinics was compiled by Dr. Jeff Birnbaum, Director of the Health and Education Alternatives for Teens (HEAT) Clinic in Brooklyn, New York.


Alabama

Birmingham
Adolescent Health Care Center
205.939.9231


California

Los Angeles
Risk Reduction Program, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles
1.888.25.Youth

San Diego
UCSD Youth HIV Program
619.405.4680

San Francisco
Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center
415.292.3420 x304

Larkin Street Youth Center
415.673.0911


Florida

Ft. Lauderdale
The Power Youth Project
954.728.1080

Miami
U.M. Adolescent Counseling and Testing Site (ACTS)
305.243.2175

U.M. Adolescent Trials Unit
305.243.3442

Miami Gettin’ Busy Hotline
877.HIV.TEEN


Georgia

Atlanta
Adolescent Primary Care and Prevention Clinic
Hughes Spalding Children’s Hospital
404.616.4640


Illinois

Chicago
Chicago HIV Risk Reduction Partnership for Youth
John H. Stroger Jr. Hospital of Cook County
312.572.4956

Howard Brown Health Center
773.388.1600


Louisiana

New Orleans
Adolescent Trials Network
504.988.9837

Resources for Adolescents Program (RAP)
504.821.4611


Maryland

Baltimore
STAR TRACK Adolescent HIV Program
120 Penn Street
(English) 410.706.6000
(Spanish) 410.706.2000

Baltimore Get Tested Hotline
410.706.6000


Massachusetts

Boston
The Boston HAPPENS Program
617.355.8127
617.355.2509


New Jersey

Newark
STOP/START Program
800.375.9482


New York

Albany
Albany Medical Center AIDS Program
800.962.5065

Bronx
Adolescent Risk Evaluation Program
718.882.0232 (ask for Pat)

Brooklyn
Project HEAT
718.467.4446

Manhattan
Mt. Sinai Adolescent Health Center
212.423.2978

Project HOTT, Callen-Lorde
212.271.7212

Project STAY, Columbia University
646.284.9725

Project KISS, New York Presbyterian
212.746.3375


Pennsylvania

Philadelphia
Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Adolescent HIV Initiative
215.590.5809


Puerto Rico

Rio Piedras
CONCRA Youth Initiative
787.753.9443


Texas

Dallas
Youth Angle
214.521.5191


District of Columbia

Washington, DC
Children’s National Medical Center:
Adolescent Health Center and the Burgess Clinic
111 Michigan Avenue, NW
Appointment line: 202.884.5464

You are who you are but now living with a virus.

When I left the doctor's office that day in 1993, something had changed, I had a virus but I could not feel it. During my two weeks of waiting for the results, I had decided that if I was postive, I would go teach prostitutes on the street. I used to be one so I could relate to those women. And that is exactly what I did, I took to the streets attempting to teach prevention.

I read a lot about the disease as I was working in a medical school. I needed medication but there was no affordable medication in Kenya. I ate well and had fun knowing I would be dead soon. But I did not die. I got a chance to come to Canada after three years since diagnosis.

In Canada I stayed for a further two years without medication. Then after coming out about my status and a near deportation, immigration started paying for my medication.

You need to ask your dr to link you up with a HIV specialist. Get your blood work done. Find out how many fighter cells you have. Normal is between 400 to 1400 CD4. CD4 is fighter cells. The is what HIV eats. Next, find out your viral load. How much virus you have in the blood. The results will determine if you need medication right away or not.

As Homerx said, his CD4 was 25, imagine that. Mine was 80. We are still here and hoping to be here longer. I was 24 years old when I was told I have AIDS. AIDS because I had suffered pneumonia and Tuberculosis. Now I am forty. If I made it in Africa for 3 years without medication and two more in Canada, you will make it.

Which country do you live in?

Please feel free to ask any questions.

Sorry but I am very affected mbae your test results. Don't worry.

Lovingly
Muthoni (Mson)

I live in Texas in the USA, M, so I'm scared a bit actually... I'm worried my days are numbered cause of how much weight I lost and how bad I was night-sweating and I feel so scared... I don't wanna give up though...

I am very affected by this as well.. I was hoping for a negative result.That didnt happen.Now you must get informed and start to live with this virus...people live with cancer,TB,MS,all kinds of things.So just know that you are not alone and it could be so much worse,believe it or not. You are lucky you now know. How are your parents dealing with this? What can we do to help you threw this?
Prayers and respect,
Homer

I live in Texas!!!!!! This is amazing...we are both in Texas. Wow!what are the chances? Listen, I lost 65 lbs when i got sick. 65 pounds...thats a lot. I was so very sick.Couldn't eat,night sweats,throwing up when i did eat,nervous tension...you name it. If you need to talk to someone just PM me and I will give you my phone number.I am an open book and any questions you have I will do my best to answer..be strong,be brave,its going to be OK,my friend..i promise. Listen to Mson, she did with out meds in a third world country for years and even in Canada and look at her now,she looks great and feels great...and I am doing great..and you will be as well. I have had AIDS for at least 10 years that i know of and I think its been closer to 15 or 16. Let us know what we can do for you.
Homer

Homer, are you a Texan too? Swore I read you were a Houstonian... I'm a San Ant person myself...

I just need someone to talk to, first of all, cause I still feel like I'm falling apart fast... I am trying to keep my hope up so I can stay in school and live like I don't feel like I'm about to die, I'm just so worried about it...

I hoped for a negative too... now I just hope I don't succumb to it.

I can't tell my mom yet... I'm too scared to deal with it and she's going through a lot.

I am in Texas...call this number 214.521.5191 and tell them what is going on.It is for HIV youth in Dallas but wherever you are in Texas they can lead you to where you need to be and they can advise you..they are called Youth Angle....call them then let me know what they say please..

I have to go for today.I will talk to you tomorrow.Let me know what is going on.
Homer

I was scared too. Very afraid of death. It takes a while to overcome the fear of death. Especially when you are so young. Are you young? You are facing death right now and overcoming it. You are more than a victor. I thought I had six months to live and look at me now.

Remember, most of it is mental. Keep sane. When I was told of my AIDS, I had been offered a job as a secretary. I took the job. Life goes on. Keep up with school. I want to go back to school as soon as I can get papers for immigration.

The night sweats I have never had but I have lost weight at one point. You must eat. That is why I use medical marijuana Must eat. That is the only prescription that my in Kenya gave me. That and he asked me to have fun.

Please see a soon. Keep postive and know in your heart that it is not the end of the world. It is not.

You may have had this for many years and not known. Or maybe you just got it. Whatever the case it not time to worry about who infected you and who you infected. It is time to take care of your sweet self. You have plenty of time after that to do all you need to do.

You are in a country that provides medication but I don't know how it goes. Here in my province, medication is free.

Smile...

Always
Muthoni (Mson)

M, how do you do it, keeping so happy and lovely? And do you mean you were diagnosed AIDS ten years back or do you mean finding you were positive in general? I guess I hope that I'm early and can avoid progressing...

Mbae the time I was diagnosed 16 years ago, I had AIDS already. I had progressed.

I will talk to you later about how I do it. As soon as I get home.

for the observation.

Always
Muthoni (Mson)

I have always been a happy girl and have been worried since I was a kid after being molested at a very tender age. From a young age without knowing it, I managed to carry my baggage and live life. I was raped again and just kept it inside. Then it happened again and again. Jesus. I can keep a secret in my heart for a long time. But it will eat me up. As I started teaching about my life in Canada, my baggages became fewer and fewer. I was very happy to have an audience who at the time acted like my therapists. I told them as much as I thought they could bear.

When my daughter died, I would still function but it was a sad state of affairs. It took me 10 years to mourn her. I will always remember her. Then I made a choice. I said 10 years is a long time to mourn a daughter. I stopped mourning.

Last year around this time, I started writing all the negativity that I felt and the positive that I had if any. As I wrote, I became healed. I had a lot of anger. I calmed down. I feel happy and lovely and lively more than I have ever felt before in my life but I must say I have had to work on it. It has taken years for me to be real. I pretended a lot. But not anymore. That is why...you can see me as I am. I say for motivating me to keep carrying on.

It helps to have a partner in life who is supportive and encouraging. Like my beloved husband (BH). He does not have the virus, we use condoms faithfully. Anyway, be to God he doesn't have it. He loves me unconditionally. That keeps me

On my birthday I wrote to the uncle who molested me. After over 30 years of carrying this baggage, I let go. I forgive him, I forgive myself for keeping quiet and I have been happier since.

Then I have found Homerx my best friend forever and just to know I have a person who shares part of me through the virus. Just to know that he is somewhere keeping healthy. We inspire each other. This journey is too tough alone. You got us...and I thank the Creator for that. Let's keep together.

When I was in Kenya, the was the only person I could talk to. Then I started to talk to another who had it but he died. I was very alone. No Ehealth, nothing. Dark!

We have told you what you should do but I would like to know what you are going to do. Let me know. Are you going to eat? Are you going to shower? Did you make a soup and swallowed it down? Force feeding I call it. Did you call the did you go to school? Who have you told? I want to hear stuff my dear. What are you telling yourself? If it is negative, you need to change the tape. Use positive thoughts. You may think you have no positive thoughts at the moment but you do.

Life goes on...

Most of all, I love Jesus. He forgave me and then I forgave myself. That's my secret.

M

I haven't figured out what to do yet, right now I'm still in shock and wondering how long or limited my time is... It was recent, so I mean I probably JUST got it... but I don't want to die...

I feel so cursed, but I just want to be strong and fight back and live a normal life...

I don't know what to do this second, though... still so scared...

How are you feeling now?

Allow yourself to feel what you have to feel. It is a cycle.

Always
M