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Porn and Relationships, Stay with him or move on?

Is their a cure for pornography addiction? Me and my boyfriend of 3 years have always had intimacy issues. He is 31 and I am 26, this is his first serious relationship. We were only having sex once every couple of months, and at first I thought he just really didn't like sex. When I would ask if he was in the mood, he said "no" or that he just didn't have time for me. But then I found him masterbating to porn, and found out that he did quite frequently, even when I was at home. He refused to talk to me about it, or share this sexual side of him. Eventually, after trying everything I could for months (lingerie, shaving, working out, boosting his self esteem, talking to a counselor etc.) I left him. We didn't talk for weeks and then he told me that he wanted to make a change and started seeing a therapist. He said that he had never had a regular sex life and has always felt inadequate in the bedroom.
He has been seeing a therapist every week for month, and I notice a definite change in his whole lifestyle and attitude, which I am very happy about. We are trying to work things out, but on the condition that he never falls back into his pornography addiction again? Is it possible that we can work this relationship out? Am I asking to much of him, when porn has always been apart of life?
I am afraid to make myself vulnerable to him again, but I do love him. What should I do? Stay with him or move on?
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First Helper User Profile CarolineEF
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replied April 30th, 2012
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Hi watsongrl and welcome to ehealth: IMO, anything can be worked out...If he is trying then give him a chance....No, you are not asking too much of him...As far as being vulnerable, that is kind of a part of life...We have no assurance for tomorrow, yet hope and pray that it will happen....

Good luck...I hope all goes well...Take care...

Caroline
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replied May 3rd, 2012
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Hi Watsongirl,

Porn addiction is extremely difficult to overcome. It takes an extraordinary person to give it 100%. Most who suffer from this addiction will admit they (like most addicts)fall off the ban wagon. What I am about to say, may not be what you want to hear but you need to hear it. Your boyfriend only went to thearpy because you left him, not because "He" is ready to commit 100% to giving up on watching porn. It is engraved into is psych memory. Statics show men who are addicted to porn, overwhemely, go to great extremes to hide, cover it up, lie even comply to demands when confronted. The reason is sex drive is abnormal is because he has spent so much time jacking off and fantacing about what is on the screen, therefore expecting to get what he see there from the person he is with and when he doesn't get it something happens to his mind. I say get out of this relationship, it is going no where. He has a major problem and I commend him getting help but there isn't a cure for porn addiction...there is help but no cure. It is better for you to leave now than to invest more of yourself in this relationship, have children with this guy only to leave later on.


Good Luck,

Faded Rose
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