Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Please..........I need immediate help.

I need opinions. My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago because he said I could never be the woman he needed. I tried so hard. I have an elderly mother that I take care of everyday...he ended up holding this against me after saying in the beginning that he accepted and supported me on this. He claimed I didn't spend enough time with him...ever. I work full time, take care of my mother and gave him the rest of my time...often neglecting my own sleep or responsibilites. He says he must have a submissive woman who is by his side every minute,cooks for him, cleans his house and gives him sex anytime he wants it. He called 10 times an hour wanting to know what I'm doing, where I'm at, who am I with and why hadn't I got to his house yet. He has insisted I drop all my friends and did not want me to go anywhere with them claiming we needed to be as one. Throughout our entire 2 year relationship he would belittle me daily. I was raped at 5 and he would tell me how tainted and psycho I was in my adult life. My mother is very controlling ...she and my father had a horrible life together and he would also attribute that to my being psycho. When we first got together he wanted to know everything about my past. I'm 40 so there was a lot to tell. At first I didn't feel comfortable telling him about my failed marriage and some other failed relationships...he insisted so much that he would yell, repeat the same questions numerous times and get angry when I didn't want to answer. I finally gave in and to my amazement have been solely blamed for my failed marriage and told what a horrible person I've been. He demanded that I talk to him 8-10 times a day while he was at work and every 20-30 min when he wasn't unless he was asleep. He is a factory worker so his shifts changed between first,second and thirds. He was very charming early on and did things for me that made me feel he loved me off and on throughout our relationship. When he would get mad he would tell his parents everything between us and never tell all my side...he quickly had them convinced that I had mental issues but he loved me enough to help me through them. I know I've had a difficult life but I do not feel I in any way act mental. I have always been a strong business executive and am now ashamed for being so weak.

He says he has been trying to work things out with me..saying if I will continue having relations with him whenever he needs it he won't have relations with anyone else....I felt used after the sixth time and hoped so badly he was just saying that. He now tells me it's my fault he hurt me by having relations with a woman he was never attracted to and that I should feel lucky that he wasn't or he would be with her and not me.

He said we wouldn't talk to other people but I found out he has been talking,flirting and asking other women out onwebsites but tells me I should be grateful he hasn't even started trying yet. He is talking to ex s and telling me they want him back. I am a mess. I feel so brokenhearted and just want to be loved and accepted by him again.

We were planning on getting married,having kids and a future. That was very important to me and I can't see myself sharing that with anyone else. I want him back but the only way is for me to not talk to anyone else and do all the things I listed above which impossible bc of my mother. What should I do? Please help me please be brutally honest...I just feel like I can't live without him and I am going to counseling to help. My counselor has urged me to find a support group which I am attempting to do by writing this post.

The reason I feel I go along with this treatment is because I feel bad...he has made me feel bad many times over this and I on my own feel bad over it too. I promised him on 3different occasions that we would be married...we set dates..nothing fancy just Vegas or the local courthouse. The first time I backed out I let him know it was because of all the belittling and torment he gave me daily. I stated that it needed to change and he promised it would but would not stop pushing 10,15,20 times asking me the next date until I would give him one. Same thing happened with the second and third time. I finally said no date until things changed because I couldn't imagine living life with someone who acted like they liked me 1 hour of the day and the other 23 told me how horrible I was. Things got worse...he told me it was my responsibility to pay part of his bills because had I not have cancelled the marriage he would've had a room ate...which..now he doesn't have one and he is fine. I love him and want to be with him but the put downs, pain and intentional drama are making me in a constant state of turmoil. I am crying and I mean hysterical crying days on end all day long. Why am I staying? Why can't I see him in a negative light? Please help me get through this..I beg of you. Thank you for reading such a long post.
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First Helper TheWolfishguy
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replied March 16th, 2011
omg hun ..reading this makes my blood boil
i am sorry for you mother and ofcourse this will put a great strain on any relationship you do have but if the man you get with knows it and accepts it and truely loves you he will support you its realy not a valid reason for this guy to act like he has
in truth hes a animal manipulator and i would advise you to not walk away from the relationship but run ..run as fast as you can while you can as he is controling and dangurous i know i myself can be abit controling in a relationship but this guy *shakes head* hun get him out of your life involve the police if he contacts you.. take stock of the careing person you are life i am told begins at 40 ..and you deserve some happyness ...but with someone else gl and tc
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Users who thank TheWolfishguy for this post: Giantfoolneedshelp 

replied March 16th, 2011
Thank you so very much for your response. I truly appreciate your honesty.
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replied March 16th, 2011
your very welcome you take care of yourself
theres 1000s of men out there looking for a woman with a loveing heart like you ..take your time keep your smile be picky Smile and let him fall in love with you and then youll know a real man
tc hun gl Smile
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