I am posting this topic here in order to seek help for my younger sister (cousin). My younger sister is 25 years old final year student of Physiotherapy. She is very bright student, a charming girl who believes to enjoy her life to fullest. She is very determined, focused and stubborn and bit egoistic as well. We are not only siblings but also best friends of each other.
My sister loves a guy. They have been together as a friend for last six years and recently this guy proposed her and she too had admitted her love for him. They both are mature and very compatible to each other; everything is perfect if we just look from their point of view. Confessing love for each other and taking the relation from being friends to being lovers is easier but maintaining & keeping the same initial love and warmth for a lifetime is bit difficult and that is where my sister is facing many difficulties.
Actually, there are two major concerns for our family to accept this boy for my sister-
1st is His job- He is working as an Editor (though in a good firm but salary still no more than 10,000/-)
2nd His cast- My sister’s family follows Christianity and this guy is Buddhist, which is a big No from her family.
My sister knew all these; she has discussed everything, every pros and cons of this relationship with me. Initially I myself was not allowing her to go for him but she was very much in love with him so neither I could stop her forcefully nor she was ready to understand anything but love. I gave up, though knowing that this relation will not be accepted by her family but considering the fact that her happiness lies with him, I had to give up.
Initially she was very sure that they both will talk to their family members and make them understand and then marry only if both the families accept their relation. Now the boy’s family is ready rather they have accepted my sister as their daughter in law but my sister’s mother is completely against it. She has told my sister that she won’t allow her to marry to someone out of their community. Here is where the actual problem has started, my sister does not want to hurt her mother for a the sake of just six years old relation but at the same time she cannot marry to someone else as she is so deeply in love with this guy.
She tried to sort this matter by talking to her mother as well as that guy, but neither her mother is ready to agree for someone out of community nor this guy is ready to convert his religion. Her mother as well as her boyfriend both are right at their own place and both of them love my sister very much but none of them are ready to manipulate their rules and conditions. THIS IS VERY MUCH FRUSTRATING FOR MY SISTER, SHE IS VERY MUCH DEPRESSED BUT AS I HAVE ALREADY MENTIONED THAT SHE IS VERY EGOISTIC AND STUBBORN SHE IS NOT SHOWING HER DEPRESSION. She has stopped discussing anything with me also. Being her elder sister I slowly started talking to her on this matter though she still does not want to talk on this topic much but anyhow I managed to read her thoughts on this matter by talking to her and I was shocked to know that-SHE HAS PLANNED TO DO END HER LIFE.
SHE IS PLANNING TO DO SUICIDE IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE A NATURAL DEATH (BEING IN MEDICAL FIELD IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL FOR HER) AND SHE WILL GET EASY ESCAPE FROM THIS TERRIBLE SITUATION. I love my sister, she is the most important person in my life and when I heard all these, I could not believe her. My younger sister who is very well known for her happy go lucky nature, who is always being praised for her pleasurable behavior with the patient, she is thinking anything like this?
I can very well understand the conflict which she is going through but to kill our self is can never ever be the solution of any problem. It’s been so silly of her that she just don’t want to face the situation, she just wants to escape out. I tried my best to convince her but she is not ready to listen anything. On top of everything she has warned me not to frustrate her by discussing on this topic anymore.
For now I am not talking to her on this topic, I just be with her, spending more and more time with her but I cannot accompany her 24x7 and though I am trying to show myself too strong in front of her but it is getting very difficult for me to carry this fake “All is well” attitude. I am very much stressed and this is affecting my academics as well. I don’t want to lose my sister. I am planning to tell this matter to her mother without knowledge of my sister. What should I do?
Please help me please. It’s an emergency please help me.
You should tell her what you posted. Sit down with her and have a very serious conversation. Tell her that she means the world to you, tell her that there is so much more to life and it shouldn't end in such a way. She needs to hear that people care for her. If you ignore it, it could very well make things worse, she may feel alone if she doesn't have someone to talk to. Good luck, I hope this helps you.
Hey Thanks for your concern But I have tried this. In fact this was my very first step.. but she is not at all ready to change her decision, rather she says if I keep on initiate a talk on this topic with her then she will stop sharing anything with me anymore.....
I still directly on indirectly try to convince her and also try to keep her happy by engaging her in the activities she likes to do... I take her out with our common friends, we go for movie, for picnic more often than earlier... I am trying everything.. but at the end of the day,she proves all my efforts wrong.
What to do more???
I agree with the previous poster... and it also saddens me that your sister has been placed in the middle of a situation like this.... My family stands firm on their religious and social beleifs as well but at the end of the day what they care most about is my happiness and wellbeing.... proving a point and standing on your beliefs shouldn't be more important than her happiness or inevitably her life... My advice to you would be to support your sister and her happiness and encourage your family to do the same... as you said she is an intelligent ADULT woman and descsions should be respected. Encourage her to seek help.
Actually she is depressed because neither her mother nor her boyfriend wants to compromise from their side. They both love her, true but with condition apply.
Someday ago she had argued with her mother and brother about this. They both were very angry on her about her relation with this guy and since that day no one in family is talking to her. All these things are making her depressed and helping her to make her decision more n more firm and making me helpless....
So heartbreaking to hear something like this. Really she shouldn't have passed through situation like this. You all could be together and give her the confidence to overcome. With the blessing of god, she would surely be cured.