Relationships and Marriage Forum - Please Help: Is my wife in love with me

Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > Please Help: Is my wife in love with me

Q: Please Help: Is my wife in love with me

asked by: lxson22 on June 25th, 2009

New User

Hi I am wondering if anybody can help me. I am 33 years old am in good shape and i consider myself a good looking guy. I love my wife dearly and we have 2 beautiful little girls 6 and 3. My wife has lost pretty much all her sexual drive. It seems like there is always an excuse for her not to want it ie. she tired, or not in the mood, or she has to get up early, or her stomach hurts and if I ever bring it up there tends to be a fight. We have got to the point where the only time she wants it is if we use a sex toy and maybe the other 3 times a month she just lays there and says hurry up and get done. She even tells me not to touch her. She never ever brings up any mention whatsover of sex. I have tried a lot of stuff like taking the girls out for the day, doing the laundry, going food shopping with the kids, I tell her how sexy she is all the time. I am to the point where I think she is not in love with me anymore.

Also can someone please tell me how she can get wet but at the same time just lay there not move and when I look at her face i know she can't wait till I am done. Any help on this matter would be greatly appreciated. And thank you in advance

Replies(15)

ServiceU

replied on June 25th, 2009

Supporter

you can perform oral sex on her. if she doesnt want you to touch her, then foreplay is out of the question. you can use ky-jelly for lubrication.
but the first thing you have to do is talk to your wife on a good day. dont be argumentative, but you have to find out what's going on with her.
what has changed? why dont she want to make love to her husband?
is she on medication?
the only way to remedy the situation is to find out what the problem is.

lxson22

replied on June 25th, 2009

New User

I used to always perform oral sex to completion but lately she doesn't seem to like it as much. I think you might of misunderstood me about her getting wet. She has no problem getting wet, I was just wondering can a woman get wet if she is not aroused. When she tells me to hurry up and get it over with she does get wet. So I am just wondering how thats possible. And you as why does she not want to make love to her husband? Thats what I am trying to figure out. Is she still in love with me. She used to love being intimate with me. Could it have something to do with her childhood. I just want to find some answers. Thank you in advance for replying back

rightside

replied on June 25th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

Could she be having an affair? Howdoes she treat you the rest of the time? She might need some help with her hormones. They could be out of sync. They have medication for that. It's not uncommon. Ask her gently what you can do to make her enjoy sex more. Don't be judgemental or accusing. She might have issues she doesn't know how to talk to you about. You need to be supportive and LISTEN when she confides in you. whatever she tell you is how she really FEELS. Alot of men tend to dismiss their wives feelings, and that's the fastest way to get the cold shouldar and have them clam up.

lxson22

replied on June 25th, 2009

New User

My gut tells me she is not having an affair. Have I thought about yes, but then I throw it out the window. We have a 6 and 3 year old it just seams pretty hard for her.
I have asked her what could I do to make her want sex more. Her reply is stop bringing it up. So I did that for about a month. We had sex 1 time where she reached orgasm and of course with a sex toy. That has been the only way she will orgasm. Do you agree with excuses like, Im tired, or just not in the mood, or my stomach hurts, or I have to get up early. They are the excuses I hear all the time. I want to listen and I accept them. Its just hard when thats all I hear.

rightside

replied on June 25th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

It sounds like she doesn't care much for sex at this point, and that could be a hormonal imbalance. How was she before? Was she always like this? Her excuses could be valid, but at some point in time she should want sex, or at least be wondering why she doesn't want it and want to know why. Sex is an important part of marriage, and it should concern her that you aren't happy. But from what you are saying, you have to try and be very gentle with this subject, because she seems to be getting defensive. You have a right to expect your needs to be met, and if she loves you, she would be receptive to that, but she just might be feeling guilty because she knows you aren't happy with things the way they are. Still, you should not have to walk on eggshells with your own wife about your needs. Just try and do it carefully. If she refuses to talk to you, then I would say you have a right to feel offended.

veggiegurl

replied on June 25th, 2009

New User

typically women dont naturally lose their sex drive until 45, so if your wife is around 30 the reasoning behind a loss of sex drive is usually emotional. it could either be thats just really stressed or might have depression.
usually with me, if it's been a stressful few months i have no desire for sex, and i do get even more upset when my fiance asks me about. usually when he just doesn't talk about it, and then he tries to get my mind of the stressful things in my life, it works.
o and i too can get wet when i dont want sex at all.
and i know when i say i'm tired, or i have to get up early, its just an excuse cause im not in the mood.

lxson22

replied on June 25th, 2009

New User

Veggiegurl I am a new user also. Thank you for your advice. But do you think she is still in love with me. And also if you dont mind answering this question. Do you and your significant other use sex toys

veggiegurl

replied on June 26th, 2009

New User

in my situation whenever i'm just not in the mood for sex for a long period of time it doesn't mean that i don't love my fiance. if she's just going through the same thing, then she's still in love with you, she just has bigger personal issues that she's stressing over.
and we do use sex toys, and just like your wife, when i get really stressed I used to only want it if we used a sex toy. usually that was just because i was just too mentally and physically drained for sex, but i'd still want the pleasure without all the work. but whenever things got better at work and less stressful in general, i'd always get back in the mood to be intimate with him again.

JavaMissus

replied on June 26th, 2009

Moderator

What kind of a lover did she used to be early in your married life?...How about pre-marriage?...Compare then to now.....

Caroline

marylander38

replied on August 17th, 2009

New User

How is your relationship with her in general? Don't base it all on sex. Maybe she was raped as a young girl.

king6120

replied on September 22nd, 2009

New User

I have a similar situation with my wife, she does not want sex for over a year now, and does not display even the slightest affection. does anyone else have that problem? i mean you cant even hold hands or innocently put an arm around her without getting it slapped away? she has also refused kissing for years now, its all starting to drive me crazy. theres always many explanaitions and usually she also says she wants me to stop bringing it up and somehow i am supposed to believe that it will magically get better if i never bring it up again. I have already waited a longf time

marylander38

replied on September 25th, 2009

New User

That's unbelievable! Why would women act like that? All they are asking is for their husbands to cheat on them. A guy friend once recommended to me that to prevent my future husband cheating on my (this is when I was single), was to never say no to sex. To enjoy and have fun with it and always try to please the spouse. But in my situation, it is he who doesn't like having sex. Unless, of course, we talk about threesomes and that is so annoying. I understand I need to spice it up once in a while, but ALL the time is just frustrating. Maybe, king6120, your wife is having a health issue and doesn't want to tell you. Maybe she is depressed, or maybe you need to take her out on a romantic date, give her flowers, make her dinner and tell her how much you love her. Make sure you are not letting yourself go. Go to the gym, brush your teeth 3 after every meal, and take good care of yourself if you haven't already done so.

Digitalman

replied on September 29th, 2009

New User

My wife and I have been married for 18 years. Things were awesome before the kids came. Since my daughter was born 5 years ago we've been intimate maybe 3 times. Now our sex life is non existent. She won't talk about it. She just acts disgusted and tells me to go do it myself when I try to get Romantic. I can't tell if she has a Boyfriend or she just hates my guts. She blames everything that's wrong on me. I still love her for some strange reason but I want out. Divorce is out of the question. New York Lawyers will destroy me.

tieleg

replied on November 13th, 2009

New User

It quite normal for woman to not want to have sex once they have reached the amount of children that they want. You have to remember that sex is really to gat a woman pregnant. Some women only want one or two children. Others want a lot more, but once they reach that amount they loose interest. It's not you particularly, it's just her sex needs have diminished. She is letting you have sex with her but is not interested really. Unfortunaly some women go cold as well. Like your wife, while others make out to enjoy it to please there man. They fake it

mamatothree

replied on November 14th, 2009

New User

I think the childbearing years are the hardest on a marriage. It's the daily demands of motherhood that are stripping her of any sex drive whatsoever. It's not you!

COMMUNICATE with each other!!!!

One thing we have started doing is 'homework' together every night after the kids go to bed (we have 3 aged 5yrs and under) - answer 2 questions, write them down and then share them with each other:

1 - How I feel about us today:
2 - I love you because:

It gets the communication flowing! Do it every day!

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