Sex is a complex subject. Orgasm from masturbation and intercourse can feel different. When you have him inside you there are also a lot of other things going on that can change your experience of the orgasm. You can have a weaker orgasm from intercourse than masturbation.

Only you will know if you orgasm during intercourse. You know the signs of orgasm from humping the pillow.

When you hump your pillow, your clitoris get all the attention that it wants. the clothes probably provide extra friction for you.

Make sure that your clitoris gets stimulated when having intercourse. Even if you have to stick a hand down there and rub it yourself.

It can also help if you are on top like with your pillow. You should follow the same 'pillow' movement with your pelvis with friend's penis inside you to make sure your clitoris gets stimulation against his pubic bone. You already did that on his stomach so I am sure he will enjoy it and think he is superman if you get a knee buckling orgasm with him inside you.

Enjoy trying!

ok i have a very odd question every since i was little id push down on my clit and thats the only way id have a orgasm and its kinds embarrasing now that i live with my husband when we have oral sex i can have a orgasm or at least it feels that way or when he rubs it but when he is inside me i cant nomatter if he rubs me or not is that the same thing shes going through

Help yourself when he is inside you. You know what to do and he will feel like superman when you orgasm.

I am the same way about humping pillows and playing with my clit (myself) seems to be my main way of having an orgasm. Even if he does exactly what I do, it seems to take FOREVER for me to get an orgasm. I almost think it's a mind thing and I feel as though I have to be in control. Whatever it is it stinks because I want to get an orgasm from just him and not me having to join in. He does too. When I'm doing it, I can have an orgasm in less than 2-3 min. When he's in the driver's seat it takes at least 20-40 min. I feel bad afterwards that it took so long. It's not just him either. It's always been this way. He knows what to do, I just feel like I have to do it.

Get on top and ride him. That way you will be in control but it will still be intercourse.

It is normal for women not to orgasm easily from intercourse. The majority of women have clitori that are too far from the vaginal opening to get stimulated enough during intercourse without taking extra care. It just is the way it is.

I have posted about this same issue to several questions (sorry for those of you reading my repeated responses), but it's only because I was having the exact same problem and felt SO stuck looking for answers.

Google "Coital Alignment Technique"

I would recommend doing it with the woman on top.
This is slightly different than the "just get on top to be in control" way (which is great for some women! But that alone wasn't doing it for me).

Basically when you're on top of your partner, lower your pelvis an inch or two, so your clitoris is against the base of his penis/pubic bone. Don't think thrusting, think about "grinding"/rocking back and forth. I know that this too has the "key" to the solution being clitoral stimulation, but simply having myself or my partner rub my clitoris does NOT give me an orgasm. But this does as it has all over clitoral stimulation and the pressure/friction).

You can also ask him to tilt his pelvis upward as well. Try it with you laying your upper body all the way down on top of him as well as arching your back to control how much pressure is on your pelvis. Just think of what you would do if it were your pillow.

I've found this works really well, and I also do not get off humping pillows unless I have on underwear of some sort, but this does work for me.

Good luck!

I am the SAME EXACT WAY. I've always used a pillow or a blanket and I really need something between me and what I'm using to get off. Not sure if this is the same for you too, but I just don't get anything from fingers, etc.

Also, I find that sex is still enjoyable but frustrating because I know the orgasms are much better when I do it my way. I'm still experimenting to find something that works better during sex, but I've noticed that:
1) having my partner touch me when I'm still wearing pants can get me to a much better orgasm
2) when my partner rubs my inner thighs, it does something similar to when I'm moving myself on the pillow or blanket
3) similar to you, I'll just use my partner's thigh a bit like I would use a pillow sometimes

As far as why, I'm nooooooo expert, but I'm guessing it's got to have something to do with where our clitoral wings are positioned in our bodies. I'm borrowing that term from Dan Savage, I don't know if its the proper medical term, but he talks a bit about female orgasms and how each individual has their own method of stimulation and its pretty dependent on the position of the clitoral wings.

Also, it certainly seems like I'm using my own muscles to stimulate myself (as well as the rubbing motion). Does this mean my parts are deeper under my skin than most women? I have no idea, but I wonder if that might be part of it. I am really curious about it though. One day I'll work up the nerve to ask my doctor, but I haven't done it yet.

Whosinthebunker,

There are some research that indicate that we develop the neural pathways for sexual response to carry the sexual stimulation signals to our brains. A neural pathway is where the neurons bound tightly together as they are being used to form a preferred pathway to the exclusion of other neurons.

It seems like the ones we used first and regularly are the ones we will get used to and respond to. In your case you started to hump pillows and those neural pathways developed to give you a great deal of pleasure when you do that. Other women develop the pathways to provide sexual pleasure from rubbing the breasts or the sucking of her toes or the kissing of her neck or ears.

This is the reason why it is important for young women not to develop bad habits when beginning to masturbate or have sex. If you for example get used to very vigorous and hard masturbation, you will not get any pleasure from gentle touching.

It is also considered one of the reasons why very few young girls can experience vaginal orgasms while young women begin to experience them from their mid 20’s – the pathways in a young girl are not well developed yet and as you begin to have regular intercourse and vaginal stimulation, these pathways begin to form.

This does not mean that you are doomed to humping pillows or your partner’s thighs for the rest of your life. You can retrain and rewire your sexual response neural paths. Many paraplegic women can develop another erogenous zone higher up on the body for example.

It is certainly possible to give yourself an orgasm by tensing up the muscles in the pelvic floor. This will put rhythmic pressure on the clitoris, some parts of which goes deep into your pelvis, as much as 3 inches (7.5 cm). It does not really have anything to do with your anatomy but how you trained your body to respond to sexual stimulation. It is even possible to train yourself to experience orgasm by thinking about it..

hi. ummm....this is a bit wierd but here goes. im 12. ever since i was little i have been humping pillows. i try to not do it, but when im alone away from my mom i have a weak will power. i know im 12 but that doesnt help me to stop. and like most of you, i need to have jeans on. i have never had sex and i dont know how to get off this want. i dont want to talk 2 my mom about this and i basically cant talk 2 anyone about it. my friend does the same but its still akward. im not looking for an answer to my want but i do want to know how to....i dont know.....stop. it feels good and i know i have had orgasims doing it but i feel....gross and dirty after. i feel like i did something wrong.

Completelylost, masturbation and orgasms are a natural thing and part of life. Most women will feel at least slightly guilty and dirty afterward. This is also normal but you can not allow these thoughts to go any further. Sex, masturbation and orgasm is natural and healthy and there is nothing wrong with it. You would probably be shocked to find out that most likely your mother (and all other women around you) also masturbate.

There is absolutely nothing to feel guilty or dirty about. You are in puberty and your body is full of hormones that will make you want to have sex.

Masturbation is the best way to deal with these desires at your age. When you orgasm your brain release hormones that make you healthy and feel good and relaxed. These hormones are good for you and keep you healthy. Masturbation also teach you about your body and how it works.

With that said, it is a good idea to find other things like sports and hobbies to occupy more of your time so that you masturbate less. You can also try to set a limit for yourself and try to hold to it. Do not however set a limit and then feel double guilty when you break it.

I was like that but now that I am 27 I can say I love sex now without the pillow cuz I taught my husband how to help me get the same effect. Lay on your stomach while he strokes inside of you have him find that special spot on your clit and have him rub it firmly but not to hard it depends on what you like with your clit stroke...then have him massage you breast or nipple while doing all of that put all three together at the same time and wow!!!!!

Loved reading the posts in this topic. Red them all! There has never been someone in my life who was close enough with me to discuss such topic with... been single all my life, I'm 48 now. And it's certainly not a topic to discuss with my colleagues during coffee-break. Neither with my sisters. And no one will take the initiative to start a discussion about this with me... such a nice and very decent woman will for sure not be interested in that.... So.. now I'm happy to see that I'm for sure not the only woman who loves humping pillows, actually, it is just finding my own conclusions on this being confirmed, once again.
Let me also share my own experiences here with you. Perhaps it might be of some value for any woman searching for information on this topic. I must have been at the age of 6 or 7 when it started. A few years later I learned that this activity had a strong link with sex. Perhaps it was because of that why it made me feel so very ashamed about it.... i don't know. Anyway, after every time I did do it, I decided to never ever do it again! ...but I just was not capable of stopping it... I still remember that, at times, i was even worried of getting insane! Of course there was nothing to worry about and for sure I was not getting insane... but.. how could I know...
At present I don't feel ashamed about it anymore and I have no intention at all to stop from doing it... on the contrary! I hope that I may continue doing it for as long as I live. As I said above, I've been single all my life, and I find so much satisfaction in pillow humping... I never seriously tried another method to get off. It is why the title of this topic caught my immediate attention!
Think my way of pillow humping is not very different from how other woman do this, though I prefer to not have any fabric between the pillow and me... reading the posts here above, it looks as I'm an exception in that for some reason... well, everyone will have his own preferences I guess.
I'm sitting upright on my knees, with a pillow between my thighs while I make movements forward, backward, up and down. I change position regularly, for example I might go sit on my knees, bending forward while leaning on my hands or elbows or lay on my belly with an extra pillow firmly clamped with my arms against my chest, while moving my hips up and down. This position makes it possible for me to make very quick movements with my lower body.
Over time it has become an almost daily routine for me and, so far, I haven't experienced that it affects my normal daily life, well... perhaps only in a positive way.


Maria

Way to go Maria!! Thanks for sharing.

It is amazing how we manage to make young girls feel ashamed, defective and guilty about masturbation. If they only knew that their mothers, sisters, aunts, grannys, teachers and friends does it, they will grow up much healthier sexually.

Happy humping!!

Hello Susan, thank you so much for your warm reaction on my reply. You know, after I typed it, I hestitated at least one quarter of an hour ...should I push the send button or just cancel it. ...do I really dear to share my own experiences here with others... ...can my message be helpfull to anyone... Now I see your reply and now I am happy that I posted it!
Your words "Happy humping!!" are so nice for me to read, you know why? So far I never recieved any judgement, either good nor bad, in relation with my humping. These words are now told directly to me, while they express approval and encouragement. They give me such a nice, warm feeling. Thank you!

When I was young, I lived in a world, in where I was the only one who had these strong emotions. As seen from my own perspective at that time of course. From the list with role models, that you mention in your reply, my parents and teachers were by far the most important ones. But I have never hearded them talking about masturbation nor did I ever experience them doing that. When I would have become a mother of a daughter myself... I would have probably raised her
in the same way as my parents raised me, just following the only example I had. Since I had never learned to talk about masturbation, I would also not do that with her. And as a result of that I might have also burden her, unwanted, with such shamefull feelings. The more open society of today could have had a positive contribution in this perhaps. For sure parents and teachers want the best for the next generation in all aspects of life. Though making changes here is a slow process unfortunately, i think, it might take several generations.


Maria

Ladies,

Thanks for sharing your experiences, maybe you all could help me.

My girlfriend has been unable to reach an orgasm through intercourse, or through oral sex her whole life (with me or previous partners).

She does, however, have no problem quickly (2-5 mins) reaching an orgasm through "pillow humping" (although in her case she uses a folded over bath towel). Similar to many of you, she does this wearing her panties and soft pants. She essentially cradles the towel between her thighs and grinds down on it until she climaxes.

She has tried other methods of masterbation (including vibrators, etc) but has no success.

She (and I) would really like to find a way to be able to give her a non-self induced orgasm. Whether through intercourse or oral sex, this is something that I have been trying to do for 9 months now ... with no success.

I will share my typical experience. Usually when I stimulate her with a finger or tongue, I find that the majority of her genitals gets very little to no reaction, except the tip of the clitoris. In which case the stimulation is far too intense and she can't stand it. I really can't find much of a middle ground.. where it feels good enough to start stimulating her, but not so intense that it makes her want to stop.

Can anyone help? Do you have suggestions?

The fact that she can hump herself to orgasm means that she does not have arousal or orgasm disorders.

It is very easy for a woman to get used to orgasm in a certain way to the exclusion of other ways. This is one of the dangers of pillow humping or furniture humping or very violent masturbation - after a while the woman can get so used to it that she can not masturbate any other way.

She has to train her body to orgasm in another way. The clitoris is a very sensitive part and often very light or more indirect stimulation is needed. It is often not very comfortable for a woman to have the tip of the clitoris touched directly or it needs a lot of lubricant to make it pleasurable. Try rubbing it lightly through her panties or pull the clitoris hood over it and rub on top of the hood. You can also rub alongside it and over it. Ask her to let you know how that feels and experiment.

You can also put the towel over your leg and let her hump that and then slowly remove the towel and her panties as she gets used to it.

She will however have to do a lot of exploration and experimentation herself to find out what else can make her climax before you can help her. If she can not figure it out, you have very little chance of figuring it out.

Best of luck.

Ladies,

Look up the term Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. It exist and might give you an idea of why you cant reach a climax

KissDaFrog,

I do not think anybody here can't reach a climax?

Traumatic mastubatory syndrome (TMS) is just a theory. No studies have been done to confirm it. It was brought forwards as an observation of 4 male patients (not a study) by Dr. Lawrence Sank in 1998 in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

It was based on his observations of men lying on their stomachs humping the mattress. His patients were 'cured' by flipping around and laying on their backs when they masturbated. Since 2004, male masturbation in the prone (face down) position it is no longer recognized as a factor in male sexual dysfunction.

It is true that women can over masturbate and make the area numb. This is especially true when using some of the powerful electric massagers as a vibrator for long and extended periods of time or using too much pressure on the genital area for extended periods of time.

Here is the abstract from the article your TMS reference is based on: "This article describes a previously unreported pattern of atypical masturbatory behavior, which presents as either an erectile or orgasmic disorder in men. Four case histories are described of men who masturbated in an idiosyncratic manner. The distinguishing features of the masturbatory style include a prone position and daily masturbation over a period of years. It is suggested that the primary care physician or specialist (urologist or neurologist) screen for this problematic style when presented with male sexual dysfunction. Further, and more controversially, it is suggested that a primary prevention model would argue for masturbatory instruction in the home, classroom, or pediatric clinical setting."

I hope this puts TMS into perspective as an outdated theory about male sexual dysfunction that was never studied further or confirmed.