Physical appearance and mental pain Posted: 03-10-08 23:25pm
I'll get right to the point:
I'm 17, Senior in High School, and I've
never had a girlfriend, and believe me I
can be charismatic and that doesn't help
at all. I've always ALWAYS been told I
was ugly, not once has anyone every
complimented my appearance except my
mother who I think just feels bad for me.
I've had elderly people tell me I was
ugly, when I was like 10, they would just
say, "Boy you're ugly." or something along
that line. I've pretty much gotten used
to it, because well.. I can't look at
myself either. My mom was so proud of my
pictures for senior class but I can't
stand them hanging up, I hate to see them
and I don't like mirrors. My dad doesn't
say anything but like everyone else I'm
sure he thinks I'm not good looking
either. At this point in time people have
gotten used to the fact that I don't get
upset or respond negatively to being
called ugly and they just randomly say it
now as a response to anything I do, "Man
you're hideous" or something like that. I
just don't see what good I can do in the
social world. I know the human brain has
hardwired aesthetics and I adore the
anatomy of the brain.. so I can't complain
about how it works but I just dislike the
cards I was dealt. I have a gigantic
head, my mother even said that, and to go
along with it I have a bonechilling face
that makes the most resolute people flinch
in disgust. I could ramble about a
lifetime of being insulted with fact, but
I'd take forever. I also am beginning to
feel like I'm developing serious health
problems, and when I tell my mother -- who
is a nurse -- she just ignores it. I
think she wants me to die so I don't have
to deal with all this crap anymore. I
know I'm practically an adult now and I
shouldn't be complaining but I just feel
like I was given the crappiest body in the
world. I have random head pains in the
same spot of my head where I thought was
just because I hit it in a car wreck a
while back.. that might still be it I
guess.
Is it normal for your face and head to get
tingly when you've been working physically
for a long period of time? I got worried
over that as well because I'm a
hypochondriac but I just wanted other
opinions. I've come to the conclusion
though that if I do have something
life-threatening it's all well and good..
if it kills me then well I can be in the
ground where no one has to look at me
anymore.
After a LIFE-TIME of being told this by
EVERYONE, I've come to this..
Fact: I am ugly, period. There is no
human being who can see me as anything
else except my mother, God bless her, who
insists that I am beautiful.
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marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1099 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 03-11-08 13:56pm
This, to me, sounds like depression.
Believe it or not... no matter what you
may think now, Depression totally distorts
your self image. It causes you to
misunderstand other people's reactions to
you. Seriously... honest to goodness, you
should at least try to talk to a doctor
about this. Once you take depression out
of the equation, your world completely
changes. I know this sounds ridiculous to
you, but I, as someone who used to feel
exactly like you do now; getting my
depression taken care of was the best
thing that has ever happened to me.
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PenguinsRus
Moderator
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1211 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 03-11-08 14:30pm
Marvel is right. Depression can
completely distort your self image. You
should talk to someone about how you feel.
The more you talk about it and let things
out, the more your self esteem should
slowly build. You may not like how you
look, but I bet there are many other great
things about yourself that you love. You
should emphasize the great things about
you. If you are funny, make jokes. If
you are musical, try showing your skills
off. If you are artistic, paint about how
you feel. Art can be a powerful way to
let things go, even if it is abstract. I
know that personally I do not care about
looks. There is SO much more to a person
than the way they look. People should
never judge a book by its cover. You seem
like a great, strong person who has had to
put up with a lot over the years. I'm
sorry that people have treated you this
way.
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freakyfashionista
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Mar 2008 Posts: 14
Posted: 03-12-08 01:19am
Believe me, Gustov, I am a young woman and
I've been told the same thing as a kid and
a teenager, and it did really hurt,
especially since my older brother is very
good-looking and people would be like,
"are you related?" or "why don't you look
like him?" and I knew exactly what they
meant. My brother once told me "no man
will ever want to sleep with you." Nice,
huh?
But then things changed around college.
I still can't figure out why. I didn't
have plastic surgery. I've looked the
same forever. But I was so juiced to go to
college that it made me kind of reinvent
myself, so I started wearing clothes that
I wouldn't wear in high school, working
out and caring for myself more, holding
my head up higher, looking people in the
eye, etc. I guess I used it as a chance
to be a new person, not the scrawny nerdy
girl wearing K-Mart fashions in high
school, and it sort of worked. I actually
had boyfriends. And when I went back home
to meet all these people who never found
me attractive, one of the guys who used to
make fun of me asked me out... so weird.
Another one was like, "why didn't we go
out in high school?" It almost made me
mad, because I'm the same person. It's
like once I pretended that I liked my
looks, other people started to become
convinced, and slowly I started to sort of
be convinced by my own pretending. I
honest-to-God think that confidence plus
charisma plus a little daring acting will
get you really far. And maybe there are
girls who think you're really cool, but
it's not like we are so confident of our
seductiveness that we can make the first
move...
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The Mrs
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 451 Location: , Texas
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-12-08 02:48am
freakyfashionista
wrote:
I honest-to-God think that
confidence plus charisma plus a little
daring acting will get you really far. And
maybe there are girls who think you're
really cool, but it's not like we are so
confident of our seductiveness that we can
make the first
move...
I totally agree with what she said.
Confidence really is the key.
But I mean, how can you have confidence
when you're dealing with an issue like
this.
I think that you really need help, hun.
Also, why don't you just post a picture so
we can see you for who you are.
My mother calls me fat and "wide" and
stuff.
And you know what, I'm not fat or "wide".
And it is still taking time for me to
realize that.
But I'm 5'2 and wear a size 2.
And there is NOTHING wrong with that,
right?
I had a guy at work ask me if I was
pregnant because I had gained a little
belly weight.
And you know what? I weigh 118 pounds.
People aren't always right.
Post a pic for us?
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Gustov
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Mar 2008 Posts: 3
Posted: 03-12-08 23:07pm
freakyfashionista
wrote:
Post a pic for
us?
If I can find the best possible one of
myself I may, but be warned!
There is a reason that people call me
ugly, and they ain't just blowin' smoke.
