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Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder

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Dear Doctor...

You might remember my previous post... I was alarmed by my fiance's weird behaviour, and my discovery of zoloft and buspar in his bad. Now, I have finally a diagnosis for his 'weird behaviour'. I was told he has Passive-Aggressive personality disorder. Reading all the info on the web, it fits him perfectly, as he is the type who needs to control me, i.e. he has to know everything, check my phone, control my clothes, be with me 24/7, getting angry if a man co-worker will look at me in a 'more friendly way', etc. He has not been violent to me, but he has been to other people, in the past. To me, he punishes me by verbal abuse, or by distancing himself, ignoring me etc... all the typical reactions of this disorder. He behaves like a difficult teenager. How can I marry him I wonder and promise to be with him for ever?

I am the co-dependent behaviour type, which means I was always nice to him, being humble, believing his excuses, aggreeing that he was always right etc. My question is: Is his disorder treatable? Does this mean he will need to take antidepressants all his life, to prevent him getting angry, weird etc? Also, is this condition rated as a mental illness? Thank you...
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replied March 17th, 2011
Run, don't walk......save yourself a lifetime of hurt.
PLEASE DON'T marry this man, save yourself years of hurt and pain. They are charming in the beginning, and I never had any idea for over 8 years.....now after 16 years together, family members of his are coming forward and without me saying a word, they will say "Well you know he's always been "Passive Aggressive". I didn't even know what PA was!I wish someone had warned me. Now I've wasted my entire life loving someone who was a fraud. Brought an amazing son into this world, who will be broken hearted. I too am co-dependent, and actually have rewarded him over the years for hurting me! It's a cycle of insanity, that will lead you down the path of being inssane. RUN!
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replied March 27th, 2011
Thank you my dear, what you say is helpful. It seems I have broken up, as my fiance did not contact me for 7 months! It seems he is aware I found out what was wrong with him. He prefers to leave, than put down his mask and admit what he was hiding.

Although, and here is what I want to tell you, in your case, your 16 years of marriage, is something to also be grateful about. Or, if you were happy for the first 8 years, that is a long time and something to account him for, I think. After all, it is not their fault. It is an illness, a difference in the brain chemicals.

I feel so sorry for my boyfriend, that because of this mental problem he is proven ‘not suitable’. Otherwise he was so perfect. I was so happy with him most of the time, except when we would argue because of his paranoid pressure, suspicions etc. But I was always finding away to mend things (I was first forgiving him for his temper and then I was taking the fault on me, promising ‘you are right, it will never happen again’). I know this is a cycle of abuse, but I was at the end happy. Or at least I was happier than now, that I am so alone and disappointed. And, I don’t have much time left to look for someone, I am 39. Furthermore, after this experience, I want to close my dating chapter and only remember my good times with him because they were so dreamy (if they were true)…

You have a child together, and this can keep you close. Also the Church and God’s help can mend all problems, if you believe so. I say this, because I am not sure it is best to throw everything you have built. All men have problems. What if the next one is gay and the next one is on chat 24 hours? In those cases, I would prefer a paranoid who at least gave me all his love and attention (although with a price). Having 4 relationship experiences in the past, my recent fiancé although passive-aggressive, was the best I had till now, so I gave him credit at least for that. Never mind it didn’t work…
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