i am very concerned i found out today my
boyfriend is hiv positive.we have been
together for 5 years and have unprotected
sex due to the fact he told me he tested
negative a few months before we started
dating.I am waiting on my results and i am
scared.I know that magic johnsons wife was
positive.thanks
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homerx
Moderator
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3248 Location: , USA
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Posted: 05-14-08 11:47am
That is the thing about relationships. We
have a tenancy to want to believe the ones
we love and to risk our lives by doing so.
I have had AIDS for many years and I am
doing fine with meds and exercise and
rest. It is not a death sentence. I am
concerned that your boyfriend is not being
honest with you. How long has he known he
was HIV+ and why did he wait to tell you?
Something is not adding up here. Never
have unprotected sex no matter what. It
isn't any ones responsibility to protect
your health except your own. Stop having
unprotected sex just because someone tells
you they are STD free...many people lie
threw omission or slat out lie to your
face just because they are horney...
The decision is yours and yours alone as
to whether you want to stay with him after
this. When did you get tested? How long
has he been positive? You both need to go
to the doc together and discuss this
situation. if you stay together you need
to seek counseling from a professional.
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Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 831 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
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Homerx. Posted: 05-14-08 12:54pm
This
is a sad affair. It is not an excuse but
I think the man was afraid of rejection.
Fear of stigma and discrimination. I was
in that guy's shoes in the beginning of my
diagnosis. If someone did not protect
themselves, I would not say anything. It
took a while and possibly many infections
for me to get out of that habit.
I did not see how HIV was spread through
sex. Like I didn't get it. Until I read
about little cuts and tears happening
during sex becoming ways into the
bloodstream. My doctor told me to eat
well and have fun and so I did. He didn't
say protect yourself nothing. So between
the ignorance period and when I became
knowledgeable, I made serious mistakes...
I thought just they said don't have sex
before marriage, I thought they had
created another thing to frighten me more.
I was 24 years old in Kenya and no
Internet encounter. Rather, I was in the
dark homerx.
That is why I admire somebody like Aka1971
coming out and reaching out for help.
I found two of the men from Kenya here on
the Internet and they forgave me. I don't
know if they have it or not.
People in the guy's position have low self
worth but that is not an excuse. It is a
reality though.
Fear is the main reason this man did not
come out. The same reason I had refused
to tell people that I had AIDS. Only
Jessy knew and my doctor. Some people at
work suspected...
I got educated and beat the ignorance.
But I was there.
I think Magic Johnson's wife is negative.
If one has good lubrication, no cuts and
tears will occur in the vagina membrane
and so no infection. My brother's wife
died of AIDS and my brother never got it.
Fingers crossed for Aka71.
Always
Muthoni (Mson)
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homerx
Moderator
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3248 Location: , USA
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Posted: 05-14-08 14:17pm
Mson, as usual...you are right...but if
the man was afraid of rejection does that
give him the right to infect some one with
HIV or any other STD? If you love some one
how can you not be forthcoming about your
HIV status? That is hard for me to accept
but I know it happens. I could never have
sex with some one, especially some one I
loved, and not inform them before hand
about my status...people are all
different. I guess it is up to the
individual to protect them self no matter
what there partner tells them.
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 05-14-08 14:31pm
homerx
wrote:
Mson, as usual...you are
right...but if the man was afraid of
rejection does that give him the right to
infect some one with HIV or any other STD?
If you love some one how can you not be
forthcoming about your HIV status? That is
hard for me to accept but I know it
happens. I could never have sex with some
one, especially some one I loved, and not
inform them before hand about my
status...people are all different. I guess
it is up to the individual to protect them
self no matter what there partner tells
them.
I could never imagine being in a situation
like this. There has to be so many
emotions involved (anger, fear,
resentment, distrust, etc)-the OP must be
really overwhelmed by this time.
I would take a step back and re-evaluate
this relationship. You've been together
for 5 years but he doesn't have the
decency to tell you that he is HIV
positive? I am confused. If I loved
someone that much to devote 5 years of my
life to them, I wouldn't want to put them
in harm's way by not telling them the
risk.
What are you going to do if you are
positive? Do you have a plan of action?
Just know that you have support either
way!
Like homerx said, HIV positive is NOT a
death sentence! Peace
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Users who thank Marianne0558 for this post:
homerx
Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 831 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 333
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Homerx. Posted: 05-14-08 16:15pm
homerx
wrote:
Mson, as usual...you are
right...but if the man was afraid of
rejection does that give him the right to
infect some one with HIV or any other STD?
If you love some one how can you not be
forthcoming about your HIV status? That is
hard for me to accept but I know it
happens. I could never have sex with some
one, especially some one I loved, and not
inform them before hand about my
status...people are all different. I guess
it is up to the individual to protect them
self no matter what there partner tells
them.
Homerx,
You are right. Fear of rejection does not
mean that one has the right to infect
another. It is just something that is.
People are still infecting others
knowingly. They don't value themselves so
it is hard to value another. That is why
I teach about self worth.
I really commend you for your stand in
this issue. You are one of the few
Homerx. You are sensible while most of us
are not.
This
is a sad affair. It is not an excuse but
I think the man was afraid of rejection.
Fear of stigma and discrimination. I was
in that guy's shoes in the beginning of my
diagnosis. If someone did not protect
themselves, I would not say anything. It
took a while and possibly many infections
for me to get out of that habit.
