I've been with my partner for almost three
years now and I love him with all my
heart, and I want to fight for my Partner
and relationship and don't want to give
up, but the hurt and pain become
unbearable at times. I'm wanting to find
support and understanding from other
partners and spouses of Sex Addicts and
how they have coped and survived, the
ordeals and tribulations that come with
this addiction. I've known for some time
now that we had a problem in our
relationship, but as time went by, it
become apparent that a sexual addiction,
was slowly tearing us apart.
I am too embarassed or ashamed to talk to
anyone ( family or friends )about this
problem and therefore take all my mood
swings, anger and rage out on my Partner
and silently blame him for all my pain.
When things started occurring in our
relationship in association to this
addiction, ( ie...making noises of
approval, when he sees other women or
certain parts of womens bodies, obsessing
on other women and their bodies and then
giving me a verbal commentary of those
parts. He sent me a detailed text message
of a sexual fantasy that didn't involve
me. He has done other things, like telling
me he had to go and relieve his sexual
urges, by masturbating, and this happened
several times. So much so, that I was
getting familiar with his timetable. I was
also becoming familiar with the different
things that would bring on a masturbating
session.He had done other things, before
he met and I didn't find out about these
things until I was settled, comfortable
and very much in love with Him
I tried several times throughout the
relationship to try and talk things over
with him, but to no avail. He would shrug
it off as one of those things and then
forget about it, until the next encounter,
or he would change the subject, so as not
to deal with it and the topic would slide
and disappear.
Everytime, I confronted Him, he was
unaware he was doing it ( anything )and
when confronted, he had no recollection of
having done anything
He blocked me out and this in turn, helped
to push me away (from Him )
All in all, this took its toll on me, I
couldn't take anymore so I left him.
I have since returned to Him in the hope
that we can work things out and work
through this addiction. It's just that we
have very little knowledge in relation to
this topic. I've suggested, that he keep
some sort of diary, for when things occur
and to jot them down, as he said, he can't
remember doing any of this stuff. Once he
is aware of his actions etc, I thought
maybe we can tackle the next thing...The
addiction...But I too would like to hear
from other partners and wives who have
gone through this.
I love my Partner and I would like to stay
with Him, I just need help...Thank You
|
CarolDiane
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Yours in reverse Posted: 03-11-08 04:21am
Do you and him have any sexual contact or
relationship together? Or or is he
avoiding you and masturbating in it's
place. Now that would be a problem.
Avoiding one for the other.
The only thing that I believe at this
point will help is that he himself must
come to turns with his obsession and seek
counseling. But, untill he know he has the
problem, I truly feel there is nothing you
can do about it.
Unless, you maybe could do what I did and
make yourself a little more appealing to
him. Not that I am saying you are not
appealing but, some men need more of a
turn on then others. If you have not tried
this yet, I would try it. From one woman
to another, go get some skimpy bed time
clothes (and I mean skimpy) and see if
that might help turn his sexual needs more
torward you. Sometimes it does help. If it
don't, then there is a problem and he
really should seek help.
My last husband is just the opposite, his
needs were reflected more to me then
anything. So much that, I became so angry,
I did not want him to touch me anymore. I
hope that was not to much information.
Just wanted to let you know you are not
alone and that it can work either way.
