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Partner of a Sex Addict

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Jzarn

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Joined: 10 Mar 2008
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Partner of a Sex Addict
Posted: 03-10-08 23:56pm

I've been with my partner for almost three years now and I love him with all my heart, and I want to fight for my Partner and relationship and don't want to give up, but the hurt and pain become unbearable at times. I'm wanting to find support and understanding from other partners and spouses of Sex Addicts and how they have coped and survived, the ordeals and tribulations that come with this addiction. I've known for some time now that we had a problem in our relationship, but as time went by, it become apparent that a sexual addiction, was slowly tearing us apart.
I am too embarassed or ashamed to talk to anyone ( family or friends )about this problem and therefore take all my mood swings, anger and rage out on my Partner and silently blame him for all my pain.
When things started occurring in our relationship in association to this addiction, ( ie...making noises of approval, when he sees other women or certain parts of womens bodies, obsessing on other women and their bodies and then giving me a verbal commentary of those parts. He sent me a detailed text message of a sexual fantasy that didn't involve me. He has done other things, like telling me he had to go and relieve his sexual urges, by masturbating, and this happened several times. So much so, that I was getting familiar with his timetable. I was also becoming familiar with the different things that would bring on a masturbating session.He had done other things, before he met and I didn't find out about these things until I was settled, comfortable and very much in love with Him
I tried several times throughout the relationship to try and talk things over with him, but to no avail. He would shrug it off as one of those things and then forget about it, until the next encounter, or he would change the subject, so as not to deal with it and the topic would slide and disappear.
Everytime, I confronted Him, he was unaware he was doing it ( anything )and when confronted, he had no recollection of having done anything
He blocked me out and this in turn, helped to push me away (from Him )
All in all, this took its toll on me, I couldn't take anymore so I left him.
I have since returned to Him in the hope that we can work things out and work through this addiction. It's just that we have very little knowledge in relation to this topic. I've suggested, that he keep some sort of diary, for when things occur and to jot them down, as he said, he can't remember doing any of this stuff. Once he is aware of his actions etc, I thought maybe we can tackle the next thing...The addiction...But I too would like to hear from other partners and wives who have gone through this.
I love my Partner and I would like to stay with Him, I just need help...Thank You
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CarolDiane

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Joined: 23 Sep 2007
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Yours in reverse
Posted: 03-11-08 04:21am

Do you and him have any sexual contact or relationship together? Or or is he avoiding you and masturbating in it's place. Now that would be a problem. Avoiding one for the other.
The only thing that I believe at this point will help is that he himself must come to turns with his obsession and seek counseling. But, untill he know he has the problem, I truly feel there is nothing you can do about it.
Unless, you maybe could do what I did and make yourself a little more appealing to him. Not that I am saying you are not appealing but, some men need more of a turn on then others. If you have not tried this yet, I would try it. From one woman to another, go get some skimpy bed time clothes (and I mean skimpy) and see if that might help turn his sexual needs more torward you. Sometimes it does help. If it don't, then there is a problem and he really should seek help.
My last husband is just the opposite, his needs were reflected more to me then anything. So much that, I became so angry, I did not want him to touch me anymore. I hope that was not to much information. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that it can work either way.

Carrie
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