Depending on the situation (or topic) peoples moods change. I know sometimes I can say I absolutely love my family, but also at times hate them. So when you throw a topic at me about something 'bad' I'm gonna think of a situation where I was in the hatred mood. And vise versa for a good topic.

Agreed Lilly.

I love my son with all my heart and would die for him but will readily admit he can a right little pain in the butt at times lol! I'm glad when I hear parents being honest and not pretending that they never get cross with their children, that their children never make them want to run screaming for the nearest bus outta town! That's the reality of parenthood; sometimes it's bloody hard!

It doesn't mean we don't love our children or that we would hurt them or that we regret having them; just that we're human beings who are doing the hardest job in the world the best we can.

Step parents sometimes don't love their step children. My step mother was one of these.

My stepmother was the reason we were ripped from my mother and halfway through a school year, then she got sick of us and were ripped out of another school to go back to my mother.

I know first hand it's hard to love someone that deeply that someone else raised, but you can do your best. I'm trying my hardest with my stepson and I truly love him to death. He's a 9 year old little hellian at times, but he just melts my heart and knows I'm his new mommy. It's a little easier with him because I don't have another woman competing with me.

Some people were just not meant to be parents. I’m one of those. Ever since I can remember I never wanted to reproduce. Just the thought of having to share my body with something else repulsed me. And once the baby’s born, you need to have a toothless, drooling little mouth latch on to your body on very private parts.
By the time I reached high school I couldn’t bare being near a pregnant woman. I felt like I would ‘catch it’ like a virus. My heart raced, my palms got sweaty, and sometimes I felt nauseous.
Cognitively I knew that it was ridiculous, but I wouldn’t get into a lift with a pregnant woman.

By the time I was 20 I was diagnosed with PCOS syndrome. It was the happiest day of my life. The doctor warned that we needed to regulate my period, but I refused. I only had my period every 18-24 months, and being declared virtually infertile was the best news I ever had.

A couple of years ago I changed my diet to eating only raw food. Seven months later I fell pregnant, but I only found out at 13 weeks. My husband refused to let me have an abortion, or to let the baby be adopted. Two suicide attempts later I was hospitalized and drugged until I told them I changed my mind.

I started pleading with God (I wasn’t religious, but I was desperate) to let me have a miscarriage, and when that didn’t happen, I pleaded for something to go wrong with the delivery. That didn’t happen either. Then I begged for cot death.
By the time my daughter was a year old I realized that she was going to die, and I needed to deal with it. I divorced her father a year later, and for some reason l’Chante slept through that night. (It was the first time ever)
Not being sleep deprived helped a lot. Lol. I adamantly worked on changing my mindset, trying to see her as my daughter and not something that invaded my life, and ruined my career. It took forever, but I am now at a point were I can say that I truly love my daughter.
If I could go back in time, would I do it again? Tough question. I don’t know, and I try not to entertain the thought. She has been diagnosed with a disorder, and we go to speech- and occupational therapy together. We do the homework together. We play outside, build puzzles, swim, run, sing songs, swing, make jelly, have tea parties. It’s nice, but sometimes I still cry myself to sleep.

That is an amazing story. I'm glad you two are ok now.

Husband's can't actually force you to have a baby though, right? In the U.S. I mean?

Sorry, Love. I’m not clued up with the American law system.
But since I was married to Satan’s P.R.O., abortion was out of the question anyway, because HE wanted the baby. And he kept on saying things like: ‘You have the baby, and I’ll raise it. Ha! Haven’t seen him since the divorce.

But love, I’ve learnt, is an attitude and a mindset more than it is an emotion. A lot of damage has been done to a little girl who had no part in the mistakes her parents made, and trying to correct it is hard, it takes a lot of time, and even more patients.

But I’m giving it my all.

I would like to give her the same background, security and stability that I enjoyed as a child. Thus far I messed up badly. But life is about choice as I always say.
I chose to make it work, and I chose to undo the damage that I’ve done

I think you sound like like a fine mother.

Thank you so much, Gobbledygook. I just get frustrated sometimes that it doesn't come naturally to me like it does for other woman.

That is an amazing story Beline! I'm glad everything has turned out so well for you and your daughter.

Everybody gets frustrated at one time or another and that is normal. Anyone that says they have never been frustrated isn't being truthful. IMO It's how some people act out their frustration that isn't okay.

I love my daughter with everything I have in me, but at more than one point in my life I know I'm sure I talked about her with disdain in my voice too. Teenagers are difficult! LOL

Oh, my greatness! We just worked through the terrible two’s and you are talking teenagers! Lol.
No, actually she is a very easy little thing to get along with. Well mannered, with a lovely disposition. Very nurturing. Too nurturing. If I want to lie down outside to tan a bit, she rushes inside to get me a ‘blankie’ and a pillow.
South Africa is hot enough in the sun as it is. You do not want to be covered with a ‘blankie’. But it is sweet though. Hot, but sweet.

Sometimes, it is much harder to love a stepchild than a child of your own. I have a 13 year old stepson and a 5 year old stepdaughter. After 4 years of being in their lives, my stepson has decided to hate me. It's hard to love someone that tells horrible stories about you that aren't true. Everything is my fault; even if it's something that his Dad did or didn't do. I try my hardest to do right by him, but no matter what I do it's just not good enough. It's very difficult to love someone that thinks you are the evil, wicked witch.

Beline thanks for sharing, that was amazing!

Wow I think all of us actually feel the same or similar, I had a harder time bonding with my daughter, I resented her at first, everyone was trying to force me to breastfeed her. Everyone was trying to force me to breastfeed her and I didnt want to, so I walked out one day and well from that day on formula became her diet.

Now my Son was unplanned but I had more with him and enjoyed the pregnancy more than I did with her, he came out and I am still very attached to him as he is with me.

I am still distant with my daughter but I try, I have no patience for the whining etc...

There is a woman I know who does nothing but complain about her son. She honestly says that if CPS showed up at her door that she'd gladly hand him over. He's turned into a little brat because of her lack of parenting. He's sweet as can be when given boundaries.

That woman infuriates me. She frequently talks about how much she "loves" her son and how naturally it comes to her. I think love is what Beline is doing now. It is setting aside one's feelings for an objective truth. It is putting another first. It is going out to blow bubbles when you really feel like being left alone. It is tickling and hugging and showing your child how much you love her, even when you are frustrated to no end by her constant need for you. It is refusing to show favoritism or to tear him down because you don't feel like being a mommy today. Love is an action, not a feeling.

The woman I know feels like she's a fine example of love while Beline here doesn't feel like it, but instead she's living it and is. As a child, I'd take seeing and knowing it any day.

Yours and your daughter's is a heartbreaking story. Why didn't this husband who 'forced' you to have this child take full custody of the child? Where is he and why are you stuck with a child you hate?

It is obvious you are an infirm person, as you stated, who should have never been a parent. Facing situations that we abhor in life is as real as life itself. Destroying one's life, not to mention a child's by refusing to acknowledge the situation we are forced to face is irresponsible. You have been damaging this child, not to mention yourself, from the day you found out you're carrying her. Children are keenly aware beings, and their awareness begins at conception. Why don't you have this child adopted by someone who can love her?

I don't know if you are just purely selfish or pathetic.

I hope you appreciate the kind of honesty you exercised yourself.

I don't even KNOW how to reply to this. Beline is not STUCK with a child she hates. She loves her daughter VERY much, has realized she has caused harm to her daughter and is trying to do right by her child now. Who are you to judge someone, when you cannot even seem to READ a post right? Yeah, go ahead, make someone who already feels bad enough about their past situation (someone who is trying very hard to do right by their child now)feel even worse. Beline was kind enough to share a very deep and honest story and if you had read her post correctly, you would see that she does very much indeed love her daughter. Parenting DOES NOT come easy for all people. Especially when there is manipulation involved in the process. I can honestly say myself that parenting is not a stroll in the park for me. I remember when they were tiny babies and colicky how I would daydream about them being kidnapped for a week, just so I could get some decent sleep. I would never actually DO harm to them, and that is the difference between being a normal person and an abusive parent. If you can honestly say you have never secretly wished harm upon someone (even if it was a thought), then good on you. But most normal people have evil, vile thoughts creep into their heads every once in awhile. It's people like you that make parents feel so ashamed of normal feelings, make them lie and say parenting is SO easy, that it is cake and roses. It's not. I have no need to lie, I have done no wrong. And what I was thinking during those many sleep-deprived, colicky nights has had NO bearings upon my children. Face it, honestly children get in the way. They are always into something, good or bad. Constantly under foot. Disobediant. But they are children. That is what they do best. And there are more times than not that I get frustrated at them and have to remind myself that they are just kids. It is difficult to revert back to thinking like a child and relating to a child when for so long you have been thinking like an adult and relating to other adults. Beline, your story is beautiful. It shows how we grow and change. It shows how our mental capacities can change if we want something so bad or realize something we are doing is impacting someone else's life. You, and any other mother/father who can be totally honest about how difficult parenting can be, how much effort it takes to change, how much growing up takes place on the parental side, we are the true best parents. At least in my opinion. We are the type that can be expected to be honest with our children and to teach them honest ways. We are the type that will say, tough, life is tough. Make good decisions because they will make the rough road of life easier. Parents who feel ashamed of the way they feel are not being honest with themselves. If you cannot be honest with yourself, how are you going to be totally open and honest with your own child/ren?

Thanks for your opinion. Mine is an opinion, just like yours. I don't think I have to be a perfect person, parent or child to express what I believe is aberrant. I disagree with you strongly that some evil lurks in all of us. This thought has become deeply ingrained in us as a result of religion and institutions throughout modern human history. We have taken our inability or deep rooted unwillingness to assimilate into profoundly sick societies as the evil that lurks with in. A wise man once said, it's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. Has it occurred to you that it is us who are maladjusted with nature and universal laws, and that children appear to be provoking us when they carry on more in tandem with nature and universal laws? I believe the context in which we find our environment and ourselves has lead to what is now considered a normal practice of infusing our children's bodies with psychoactive drugs, not to mention ourselves. Sigmund Freud was the first person who made this idea that we are all evil and treacherous inside and need authority to be normal and well adjusted a legitimate scientific theory, giving it more life than it had at the beginning of the 20th century. Before that it was merely a religious belief that was falling out of fashion.

This may be a wild idea, that we are not, nor harbor evil within. We're born in perfect harmony with nature and universal laws, but acquire evil as we learn the ways of this world. May be if we look at it that way, we look up on our children with more understanding, and more importantly ourselves. If we did, we may barely start to show them to view the world in a more healthy manner and that, societies, regardless of time, can and have shown a deep rooted propensity to harbor evil and it is their responsibility to navigate that propensity by living a conscious life. That includes being honest with each other, not tolerating societal evils to become part of our nature. Then, and only then, we may evolve into better beings, and even possibly better societies. Otherwise, we just propagate the same static and destructive world.

I never EVER said we were "evil" inside. Reread, you seem to have a problem reading posts. I said it is PERFECTLY normal to have a stray, evil thought here and there. And if you were to tell me you never wished ill will upon someone you loathed (not just including death, maybe just them tripping and falling or getting made fun of, etc), then I would call you a liar. I have never stated that we are all truly evil. I stated simply that we are all entitled to have a crappy day and think evil thoughts. And we are all entitled to dislike someone who has done us harm that we think evil things about them. That does not make us evil. Nor does it make Beline an evil woman for feeling the way she did. Nor does it make any parent who is overtired, overstressed, taxed outta their minds bad parents. May I also add that there is a difference between private thoughts and acting upon those thoughts?
Okay let me get this straight...you say we should all be honest and that will be better for society? Was Beline NOT honest? And what did YOU do? You said she did not deserve to be a mother, that she was inept and infirm. You said that she should give this child up to someone who will love her. You called her both pathetic and selfish (either/or statement). Now let me quote Beline and show YOU where you were wrong. Since you seem to have such trouble reading posts:Yeah, she truly hates her child. No love there eh? No, she ADMITS what she did was wrong and she is trying to correct it. That shows true love, true regret/remorses. She realizes the impact her actions/decisions have had on her child.How can you say that Beline does not love her child? Have you never hurt someone you loved with angry words or even angry feelings? If you say no, I again must call your bluff. As I have stated before, it is perfectly normal to have hostile thoughts, vile, evil thoughts, every once in awhile. It does not make one evil, nor does it mean we are evil in nature. Certian stressors in life, including unplanned pregnancies, spousal/domestic situations, people talking bad about you, best friends backstabbing, etc, can cause one to think angry thoughts. Lack of sleep can also distort one's thinking. It does not make us evil. As for your spew about psychoactive drugs, tyvm I am a proud mother of a child with ADHD, true diagnosis. We tried therapy, behavioral modification, positive reinforcement, everything under the book, including modifying ALL of our diet. NOTHING. YOU tell me what is natural about a child that runs around with knives, thinks 500 miles a minute, has the attention span of a brick (ie, non-existent), who cannot, no matter what, control some of his impulses, has frequent outbursts of anger due to frustration because he can't think slow enough for his brain to thoroughly process information. How is that in any way in perfect harmony with nature and universal laws? And all this behavior CONTINUED after EVERY step taken (behavioral therapy, diet change, etc)BEFORE MEDICATION. Since he could walk, we noticed slightly different behaviors from the norm. He is a very sweet loving child. When he is on Adderol. Which he has been able to take at the LOWEST dose prescribed (5mg)with fantastic results. He is not drugged. He is not changed in any way for the worst. He is finally able to be a kid, without being frustrated. I look at my child with complete understanding. That there ARE some valid cases of ADHD/ADD/OCD, etc. That it is NOT all about how the parents raise their children. I am the first to admit that there are some children that are just overhyper. Take my daughter for example. She is not on medication. She is a healthy active child that just is more high strung than others. The day she starts running around with knives, breaking open lockboxes containing knives (yeah, we actually had to lock our knives up so our son couldn't get into them, among other things) and other things children should not be allowed to touch, getting up at 2 in the morning and wandering off outside alone, after pushing a chair up to the front door to disable the door alarm (or, cleverly at the age of two, my son figured out how to raise the charlie bar on the sliding glass door to the backyard), is the day I will start to worry. But she is fine. And she continues to be. Have you ever thought that there ARE some genuine cases of mental disorders NOT caused by your theoretically sick society? That some people are GENUINELY mentally ill? The difference between you and I is that I am able to think outside the box, and see the gray between the black and white. I know that some people medicate their normal hyperactive children to not have to deal with the hyperness. But I also know that there are people out there with ADHD. I don't blame society for the parents who choose to medicate their normal children, I blame the parents. I don't blame the parents who choose to medicate their children when all else fails, if their child truly has ADHD, nor would I blame the child. There cannot be blame placed anywhere there. As for it occuring to me that I may be maladjusted and that my children are more "tandem" with nature and universal laws. No. I have suffered things (as a child) that NO child should suffer. I have seen things that no child should ever see. It tainted me early on. But...that being said, I cannot place blame upon myself for what happened to me, cannot place blame upon society for what happened to me, cannot place blame upon my children for what happened to me. I place blame upon my PARENTS, who's actions caused me pain. THEY, not society, were the ones who chose to inflict pain upon me and my siblings. Before you go on to rant about "its the cycle repeating itself, your parents were probably abused or horribly hurt by someone when they were young"...UM, no. My grandparents on both sides were extremely sweet, loving people. And they cared for me and my siblings SO deeply, that they actually called CPS to report the abuse. They infuriated my parents by doing that, lost all rights of contact with us by doing that, but it was done out of love and done because it was the right thing to do. Statstically, I should be an abuser. But I am breaking the cycle my parents started. I would NEVER cause harm upon my children...how could I when I remember the pain I suffered? Another difference between you and I is that I don't blame society. I believe in PERSONAL responsiblity.

To Beline: You are a wonderful mommy. You may have thought bad things, acted unfairly upon your daughter, but at least you are trying your hardest to overcome this hurdle in life. At least you did not stoop to the level of my parents and my mother's brother. At least you never called your daughter names. At least you never acted upon your thinking. At least you never allowed your daughter to be babysat by a registered pedophile who would repeatedly rape her at the age of two. At least you never burned your daughter with cigarrettes. At least you never beat your daughter and sons with the vaccum cord and hose. At least you take your daughter to the doctor if she is sick. AND most of all, at least YOU can admit that you have made mistakes, that you are wrong and regret it, and that YOU WILL do right by your daughter. At least you realize, that while she came at a very inconvienant time for you, that you have to step up because she IS a person and she deserves the same love and respect as you do. This is not meant as a sob story. All of this, Beline, is what makes you a GOOD mother, a FIT mother. EVERY parent is entitled to mistakes. Every parent is entitled to getting frustrated at their child for not listening, throwing a fit, getting into makeup, etc. Every parent is entitled to having that "Oh my, what the fudge (and I'll leave that as it is, since we all know what that means)did I get myself into?"feeling. What seperates the genuinely caring, good, stable parents from the ones who have no right parenting is realizing it is OK to THINK things but NOT ACT upon them. That every once in awhile you just get fed up, but that does not mean you have to take the vaccum hose out on your child. Beline, you know I love you. And I know you love your daughter with all your heart. You just had a long hard road of self discovery and thinking to get to that point. I do hope none of what the above poster said spiraled you into some sort of depression or self-doubt. I know what was said was way off-base and could have huge mental implications to one such as yourself, who realizes that you have done wrong but is trying to make it right. Please do NOT take any of that to heart. PM me if you wanna talk. I will continue praising you on how good a parent you are vs my parents who wouldn't even admit I was their child, nor human for that matter.
I apologize for the long post. I just don't get how we are expected to be so honest, but when we are, we get backlashed for BEING honest. Parenting is tough. It has its rewards, its ups and downs. Enough said.

it was hard dealing with my son when he was in the terrible 2's & 3". i had friends who did not dicipline their terrible kids. there kids would hit, kick, spit, rub food on me, scream, break stuff in my house. so i stop talking to the partents, my son is now 13y.o i already been though that.
my son is now such moody person, and sometimes i feel like i cant stand him when i m with him b/c he gets on my nerves, and i miss him while he's gone.
my best friend has 5 kids and she said she sometimes pray to God for for him to show her to love her kids.