About a yr and half ago my mother-n-law came to live with us from her brother's home. She came to us after her brother called several times to inform my husband that his mother had been accusing her sister-n-law of poisening her water, shampoo and saying very harsh things about the sister n law. Now she lives with us. She has had other times where she's told my husband that people were saying or doing absurd things that we knew did not happen. When my husband told her it didn't happen she became enraged. Now that she lives with us she has had episodes where she believes the neighbor has said things to her, about her and made threats to her. She believes the neighbor wants her to do all of this work in our yard. Our yard is very nice and needs no work beyond a few flowers. She also believes the neighbor clipped several of her flowers (it's the deer eating them). She does not ever want to go out, she has mood swings where she could seem normal one day and the next morning you can tell she has a different mind set, just a nasty, petty person. The other issue is that she doesn't hear well so we know she could not hear someone say anything 1/4 acre away. I have walked up to her and I have to yell for her to hear me. She is also suspicious of our friends and a few of my family members. She has also told me on several occasions that someone on t.v. has said some horrible thing to her. What am I supposed to say to that?
We've tried to get some advice from her Primary dr but they seem to say we can only do something if she is a threat to herself or someone else.
I feel for her becasue to her this is very real but I am overwhelmed because I never know what to expect from her. I don't want to cause her to get worse. What do I say when she says the neighbor threatened her or that my husband pulled up her flowers or when she talks in code, when she thinks one our children says something that I know they didn't, or when she says we had a conversation that I know didn't happen? I don't know how to handle this with my husband because he is working 60 hrs a wk and he doesn't have to deal with it. Do I tell her these things are not happening and we need to get her some help or just keep letting her go on? How do I respond to people talking to her through the t.v.? Any help will be appreciated.
You are indeed in a very tough situation. Your mother-in -law is clearly in need of some psychiatric attention. Is there any possibility that she would go to see a psychiatrist? The paranoia, mood swings, agiatation, and raging are all symptoms of a mood disorder or other psychiatric disorder. She needs to have an evaluation by a psychiatrist and get treated. The gp could help by telling her she needs to see a specialist. You could try seeing if there is a mental disorder support group near you. They may be able to offer you some insight into how to handle this situation. Many people that suffer from mental disorders and are stable have wonderful insight and can provide excellent advice. They have been there and know how she feels. You may try calling a psychiatrist in your area. Speak to the doctor and see if he/she has any advice on getting your mother-in-law into see a doctor.
I wish I had more to offer. This is really difficult. Your husband may have to have a talk with his mother and tell her what everyone sees. He may have more leverage with her.
All the best. Let us know if we can answer any questions or just offer support to you.
Thanks for responding. You ask if there was any way she would go to a psychiatrist. We can barely get her to the reg. doc when she needs to go. She sometimes refuses to make appts or makes them and then just says she's not going to go the morning of the appt. Her GP has not been helpful, we've called and were told we can have her admitted if she is a danger to herself or someone else. Do I let it get to that level again?
I don't think my husband will deal with it. He says he will but then he works 60 hours a wk so he forgets. Yea I know convenient. About 8 years ago he tried to tell her things were not happening and it caused major screaming fits from her.
The next time she tells me something happened that I know did not is it ok to sit her down and gently tell her she needs to get some help and we will help get her through it? I think she will take it badly but I also feel it's morally wrong to just let her live this way. She really believes this stuff. Will I make things worse if I address it? Should we both sit her down and tell her it has to happen for her well being and for our family?
I'm having the same problem. Except that it's the government that's after her... My husband won't do anything about it. Apparently she's been this way his whole life (wish I had known). Now I have a one year old son that she's trying to push her beliefs on... And my husband just ignores it. Oh, and medication is out of the question since that's "the governments way of brainwashing us". I have had enough and I need some help... I don't know who to turn to. Any advice would be much appreciated. We don't live with her, thank god. I can't imagine what you're going through. The only thing I suggest for you, you cannot be the one to tell her she has a problem, believe me, then YOU become the enemy. It has to be your husband and maybe other family members...