First off: I'm assuming this is the correct forum to post this in. I'm really not too well educated towards paranoid schizoprhenia (type).
I've recently been wondering if I could have a slight paranoia problem. I feel it's been with me most of my life, I could just never recognize it.
I'm a college student going into my sophomore year of school. My issue came to my attention last year, during a psychology class. I was sitting in the class, waiting for it to start. Prior to classes, I usually tend to listen to headphones, block out all the sound and people. This time, however, I had no headphones with me. While waiting for class to start, I began to see people laughing. Instantly, I thought they were laughing at me. It felt like the entire room was just laughing at me, making fun of me, insulting me. I'd tell myself, "Don't be dumb, no one is laughing at you." But, deep down inside, I knew they were. I got so worked up and scared, thinking every person there was watching me.
After that point, I started seeing this all over the place, when in public.
If I'd walk around a town, I'd see someone and think, through their mind, "Wow, that kid is so ugly," or "I just want to punch that kid." I'd start tightening up, getting ready for the punch. They never came. No one ever said anything. However, the more I carried on, the more I'd feel like I was being watched, like people were judging me. I could no longer show my hair, as, if I would, I'd feel like everyone was laughing at how it looked. I would wear my hood, afraid to take it off. I'd close my jacket and hide my arms, thinking that everyone was laughing at me for having skinny arms, being a skinny individual. Everywhere I went, I felt like people were conspiring against me.
A few weeks ago, I decided to drive to Taco Bell and get some food. I hadn't been out of my house in awhile, due to a lack of job (and the summer). When I got there, I found I was too afraid of people laughing at me to wear a hat, so I went in without one. Once inside, I felt the glare of the entire store on me. It felt as if everything was focusing on me, laughing. When I ordered my food, I waited next to a few kids, dressed for clubbing. They laughed amongst themselves and, suddenly, I felt like they were talking about me and laughing at me. I really felt frightened and angry. I couldn't take them all laughing at me, so I just stood in the corner and pretended to do something on my phone, blocking them out of my mind.
What I'm asking, through this previous story/explanation:
Is it possible that I've developed a slight paranoia? At home, when I'm alone, I'm fine. However, when I go out into the public, I always think people are judging me and laughing at me. I can't block it out.
I've had social issues for quite some time, starting with a misdiagnosis of dysgraphia when I was 11, leading to a convergence insufficiency when I was 17. Aside from ocular/mental disabilities of that caliber, I was in therapy for most of my life for social anxiety, afraid of most people and things, which I still struggle with. On top of that, I have an extremely low self-esteem, and, I can, periodically, become severely depressed, at points, suicidal (though, I honestly know I would almost never commit suicide).
For those of whom are experienced in these sort of issues, what do you think about me? I'm really not looking for a crutch to lean on, I just want to find out whether there is a chance of Paranoia, so I can attempt to get it better. On that topic, if anyone does verify that I should bother seeking further help with this (assuming it is paranoia), I'd much respect some tips on how to overcome this.
Thank you for reading this, I appreciate it.
Edit:
Also, forgot to mention- when I think back on my life, I realize that I've been feeling this for a long time. It didn't suddenly come up, it just sort of clicked into place. I had, previously, just assumed it was completely normal.