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Painfully depressed I'm losing the will to live.

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This isn't a cry for help, but I can't unload this on my friends. I've suffered from my depressive episodes for all of my adult life. I'm 29 and I've finally let it ruin me.

During a particularly deep spell of depression I broke up with my girlfriend of 11 years, months after finally tying the knot. I broke her heart, and the divorce is going through as we speak. The feeling is like waking up from a bad dream and realising you've killed someone in your sleep. I've never been this lonely, depressed and downright hopeless. I'm so, so desperate to end it all.

Life has become a chore, and I'm just existing from day to day. I've forgotten how to enjoy life, how to be happy, how to love. I'm an absolute shell of a human being. On the surface people don't realise how bad it's become - I have a good job, a loving family, and some close friends, but anyone who suffers with clinical depression will know that none of that matters when you're at your lowest.

I've given up on GPs, I can't stand the questionnaires and patronising generic questions. "Well done, you've got 22 depression points, but only 6 anxiety points!" The therapists I've seen have been useless. I'm losing the will to live. I wish I could end it - surely control over one's being is the most fundamental of human rights? But they make it illegal.

I'm going to give pills another go, then I might finally give up. I feel like I'm just biding my time until I'm commitment free at the moment. Sad
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replied April 4th, 2012
My husband killed himself last year & I too relate to the chronic depression & void I have been burdened with.
I don't enjoy life anymore & I too just exist,despite the maximum dose of anti depressants & therapy I see no cure for depression & pessimism.
Life just hates some people more than others,humans do have a choice,see another day through or never see another one through again but that's an irreversible choice.
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replied October 12th, 2012
Regain will to live!
Please bless yourselves at every opportunity daily whether you feel like saying this or not: "I bless myself, my mind, my spirit. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am healed, thanks to the Lord Jesus for shedding His blood for me, and His resurrection." Amen
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